Sunday, June 3, 2007

Reassurance Gone Wrong

Yesterday was a bit of a trying day. After Kate went in for a morning visit, I stopped by in the afternoon. I happened to run into Dr. Cahan. After exchanging long time no see and no news is good news small talk, she said something to the effect of, oh by the way, that grade 4 hemorrhage in his cerebellum, well, don't worry about that, it's probably nothing.

I had a Gary Coleman moment, "Whach you talkin' bout Dr. Cahan?" We knew he had a slight bleed in his cerebellum. However, we were told that they don't evaluate those on a scale because they haven't been looking at them for very long and don't have much data about them. This bleed had pretty much left our minds as a point of concern. Now we were being told he had a grade 4 which is the worst kind of bleed and basically spells disaster.

Dr. Cahan was trying to reassure me that everything was going well. Instead she basically hit the emotional reset button back to day 1. I think she realized what she had done and tried to back track a bit. She explained that anything outside of the ventricles is automatically considered grade 4, no matter how much bleeding is really there. She almost went so far as to say that she wasn't sure if there was a bleed at all, calling it a blurry spot on the ultrasound.

She also said that she has seen many babies with this type of problem turn out just fine. That type of reassurance is starting to wear thin. If everyone else has beat the odds, can it be long before the odds start to catch up?

The good thing is that the cerebellum controls motor function. He has been very active and has showed pretty good dexterity. He has been pulling out his feeding tube quite well and today Grandpa Hank reported he is now able to pull the cpap off his head. Yesterday he even gave me the vulcan live long and prosper sign with his hand. If you know what I'm talking about, you know it isn't as easy as it looks.

So at this point there doesn't seem to be any impairment. I guess I'll keep rooting for him to pull out his tubes and detach his wires. Heck, at this point he could flip me the bird and I'd just look at him, smile, and say "That's my boy!"

Kate and I went in together last night. The nurse practitioner on duty, Pat, looked at the results and was able to confirm the history of the ultrasounds. The initial utlrasound was clear. The second one showed the bleed in the cerebellum. The third one showed a slight reduction in the size of the bleed. The fourth one was yesterday and showed no change from the third. So at least it is not getting worse. There will be another ultrasound in 2-4 weeks.

At this point I think I've regained my composure. He's no worse off than he was before the ultrasound. It could be something, it could be nothing. Basically, that is true of probably a thousand things with him. Really, all that can be done is to do the best we can for him and hope that all turns out well. He still shows every sign of doing as well as can be expected. Let's just hope it stays that way.

In other news, he is still on the Lasix and we don't know how long he will be on it. He is now down to 810 grams. His feedings are up to 15 ml's as of last night and will be increased 1 ml every 12 hours until he hits 18. He seems to be digesting well so I think that is the best news we can get.

Emily was his nurse last night. We had not had her before. It amazes me that after 5 weeks we are still seeing nurses that not only haven't cared for Henry but that we haven't even seen in the NICU.

Here is another picture that I've entitled "The Hairy Eyeball." It is a phrase that Kate's father uses when someone looks at someone with that knowing look that says "I know you are up to something" or "Don't even think about it."

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