Holding Baby A

On Monday, my dad picked up the kids at daycare and dropped them off at home, which was nice. I had work to do at school and didn't get home until 7PM. I was pleased that the house was still standing. And I am very thankful that I have a husband who can somehow juggle the needs of three kids.

On Tuesday, Jeff picked up Henry in the afternoon and brought Baby A along for the ride. As he went into the daycare, many people commented on what an adorable baby she is. Miss R arrived home from her sibling visit around 5:45PM. Those visits are now going to take place every other week, as the off-weeks will be attended by other family members who want to see the siblings.

Before we went on a family walk, Henry held Baby A for the very first time and really seemed to enjoy the experience. I was delighted to see him smile at her so tenderly. Miss R held her too, although she has done it before and she lights up when she gets to partake in the cares of Baby A.

We went for a walk with the dogs and then had dinner. Jeff had Baby A in the Bjorn, which seems to work now that she's about 8 lbs.

I noticed last night that Baby A is beginning to eye track. It's still fairly subtle and isn't a sweeping motion yet, but I was surprised and pleased at this development. I brought out Dennis the Red Chicken, the toy that we used when working on eye-tracking with Henry.

Last night was pretty good on the sleep front. I had the first shift and switched off with Jeff sometime after 3AM. That gave Jeff a "solid" five hours or so of sleep. I was able to doze with Baby A in my arms. We are back to the Similac Infant Shield formula, which she seems to be taking well...as long as we occasionally give her Mylicon drops. She does spit up sometimes, but I think that she is more than making up for it in her frequency and amount of milk consumption. We are, however, mindful of possible reflux. She occasionally arches her back in a reflux way, so we are monitoring it.

Jeff woke up around 3 or 3:30AM. He got her a bottle, but by the time he got back to the crib, she was asleep. She let him nap for another 45 minutes before wanting the bottle. And then she slept after drinking it, which was great. Sleep is a good thing.

Before I went to bed around 3AM, I checked on Henry b/c he was coughing. He didn't feel hot but his cough seemed to bother him. Oddly, I found him sans diaper. I was thrilled that between going to bed at 9PM and 3AM, he had not wet the bed. And I wondered what happened to the diaper. I remember him taking off his wet diaper before bed, and I suspect that his distracted parents didn't notice that he needed a new one before falling asleep. He was thoroughly annoyed at me for putting one on him while he was sleeping. But we can't have an unpotty trained Henry sleeping w/o one.

On Wednesday morning, Henry heard me typing in my office and got out of bed b/c he wanted to watch something on YouTube. I told him that he could if he ate his breakfast, which he did not. When the nanny arrived, she asked him what he had for breakfast. He told her that he had "a big bite of oatmeal!" That was true, except for the "big" part. And he literally only had one bite.

I ended up braiding Miss R's hair today b/c it was looking wild. I haven't braided it in months. I think that I prefer her hair short. I'm tore between the ease of her having short hair and the social expectation of little girls having hair long enough to turn into pony tails.

Wet and Wild

On Sunday morning, we met our friends (Carolyn, Zak, Adelyn, and Spencer) at the zoo. We had a good time. Henry showed off his jumping skills...

And had a fantastic time playing in the water area. He got thoroughly soaked and persuaded Miss R to join him. She didn't get as soaked, but she was quite wet...something that she doesn't normally seek out.

As we tried to reign in Henry's antics throughout the visit to the zoo, it occurred to me that we have a list of Jeff-and-Kate-isms toward Henry. The most common of which are:
* "Henry put that down."
* "Henry get down from there."
* "Henry don't play in the trash cans."
* "Henry don't pick that off the ground."
* "Henry back away from the TV."
* "Henry get down from the cat tree."
* "Henry, sit down your seat."
* ...and the list goes on.

Henry and Miss R were pretty good at lunch time. They were very tired toward the end of our zoo trip, but they managed to eat large PB&Js and potato chips. They liked that their lunch boxes looked like tigers that they attempted to ride out the door of the restaurant.

They fell asleep in the car, but they didn't nap long. We took a family walk in the evening. Henry kept trying to pick up and throw rocks. That lead to us repeatedly saying "Henry don't pick up the rocks" and "Henry don't throw the rocks." In the desert, picking up rocks is a bad idea b/c of scorpions.

We had a good dinner. Miss R once again ate really well for her. She had several turkey meat balls. They played after dinner. Then, it was time for bed. I'm taking the first night shift tonight. Jeff's switching off with me some time in the middle of the night.

"I need to check my e-mail" and other Sunday morning Henryisms

On Sunday morning as he tried to break into my office, Henry said: "I need to check my e-mail."

We gave the kids a bath. Miss R had her hair washed first. She wasn't happy about it. Then, it was Henry's turn. Miss R made it known that Henry needed his hair washed given that she had been put through the trauma.

KATE TO HENRY: It is R's fondest dream to see you have your hair washed.
HENRY (wailing): WHAT ABOUT MY DREAMS!!!

We then had breakfast. At the end of breakfast, I pulled Henry's chair back so that he could get down. He said, "Don't tip me over, Mommy." Good to know.

A New Car

On Thursday, I think that the kids went to my parents' house in the afternoon. Amazing how hard it is to recount the day's events a couple days out. I was super busy Thursday, and I ended up staying up all night preparing the conference scheduling and my department colloquium talk. Only got one hour of sleep. Not fun.

Baby A was quite fussy on Thursday, but Jeff gave her some Mylicon drops, which really seemed to ease her digestive issues.

On Friday morning, it took awhile to get the kids out of the house. But they were fine at the drop off.

I picked them up at 5PM and then rushed home to our appointment with Christy, the caseworker from St. Nick's. She hasn't started processing our paperwork particular to Miss R's case b/c she hasn't received our adoption certification yet...which is incredibly frustrating as we were approved two weeks ago. I have sent a query to our agency seeing what the hold up is. All they need to do is send it to her.

The visit with Christy went well. She was amused by the kids. At one point, Henry and Miss R were holding their seats over their heads. Miss R jumped into the ball pit with hers. Then Henry threw his seat over her head. It didn't touch her, but she decided to play up the trauma of being scared. Henry apologized several times "I'm sorry R." But she didn't accept his apology as near as I could tell.

At dinner, the kids ate well. They both had a corn dog each and requested more. That's a first for Miss R. We've never seen her eat a whole hot dog before. The appetite stimulant seems to be working.

Jeff let me sleep Friday night, which was sorely needed. He said that Baby A got up a couple times, but she slept for several stretches.

On Saturday, I got up at 6:30AM, I think, to take care of Baby A. At 7:30AM, Henry wanted to get up. I insisted on changing his diaper. He insisted the sopping thing wasn't wet. I think put him in Buzz Lightyear underware. He wasn't happy about that b/c he didn't want to get Buzz Lightyear wet. I explained that it was therefore important that he go potty when he thought he needed to pee. We'll see how that works. He didn't stay in this underware long b/c Jeff took the kids minus baby to Costco at 11:15AM, where he met up with my parents. He didn't want to deal with Henry in underware at Costco (understandably).

Apparently, Henry sampled everything that Costco offered samples of. Miss R, on the other hand, was stuck at the cinnamon bun area and wouldn't try anything after having tasted the sugary treat.

The kids went home with my parents. They took a nap. Miss R, however, only slept 45 minutes and had a meltdown when my mom removed her from bedroom b/c she was crawling on top of Henry, trying to wake him up. Henry slept another 1.5 hours. Miss R spent her time resting on my mom's lap.

Meanwhile, I made a HUGE sacrifice today and gave up my very first car. My much beloved 1989 Toyota Corolla. I am incredibly sad to see it go, but we needed a car that would fit the whole family. We bought a nice looking Mazda 5. The experience was marred by an inept Mazda staff who kept us waiting for 3 hours 15 minutes for a car on which we had already put a down payment AND had called them a 1/2 hour before we arrived at their office. In addition, we paid today in full (as they knew we would), so it wasn't as though the finance department had to check out our finances and approve us for a loan. For those of you blog readers who are from Tucson, I recommend NEVER EVER buying from Jim Click Mazda. We had hoped to accomplish something today, but instead, the Click staff robbed us of an entire Saturday afternoon.

Henry's No Snitch

On Tuesday afternoon, someone hit Henry in the forehead with a puzzle piece and it left a mark. Henry refused to tell the teachers who hit him. Jeff asked him about it later and discovered it was Joaquin. As far as toddlers can have best friends, I would classify Joaquin as such. Even though they are best friends, I was surprised that Henry was being so protective at the age of 2.

On Wednesday afternoon, there was another puzzle incident. Henry got hit in the head again. This time, I think that the teachers knew it was Aidan. When I asked Henry who hit him with the puzzle, he said "Aidan...it was an accident."

The last month, I've felt that Henry's intellectual development has yet again taken another leap in terms of how he understands concepts and asks questions. It is amazing to see (says that proud mama bear).

I was exhausted last night. I slept between 11PM-1AM. I took over baby duty at 1AM. Baby A was super fussy again. Nothing would console her unfortunately. She finally passed out and I worked on some conference planning between 3-5AM while holding her. At 5AM, she wanted to be held after her bottle and was content to be held against my chest. I dosed (in an airplane sleep kind of way) while holding her on the couch. At 7:35AM, I switched off with Jeff.

The kids doddled in the morning. I dropped them off at 9:30AM. At least Henry and Miss R have been good on sleep.

Questions

Last night was rough. I had to work through the night getting the political communication division program organized. They only give programmers 1 week to analyze reviews, make decisions for acceptances/rejections, organize the papers into thematic panels, and find moderators and discussants. Lovely. I went to bed at 6:15AM. Jeff got a little over an hour at some point in the night. But Baby A was very, very fussy. Quintessential "colicky" baby. Jeff realized that the Similac formula was slightly different than the original one she was on. He didn't think that the Good Start was helping. So he headed to our neighborhood Walmart at 4AM with baby in tow, looking for the miracle formula.

Henry was pretty funny this morning. When Jeff was changing him, he took him to our bedroom b/c the nanny had already arrived. Henry asked Jeff, "Why we in here?" Jeff explained that it was better to change where one had some privacy. I love that Henry is asking questions about his environment. Henry proceeded to strip off his diaper and run in place singing "I'm a Maniac! I'm a Maniac!"

So how we made it out the door in one piece shortly after 9AM. The kids were big pains during the drop off. Henry ran way ahead of us, so that I lost sight of him. And Miss R wouldn't move, so I ended up carrying her to her classroom. Gotta love those precious toddler moments!

Getting Some Sleep

On Monday, Jeff dropped off Baby A at my mom's house in the mid-afternoon so that he could go down to a Foster Care Review Board (FCRB) meeting. The FCRB is a citizen group that reviews a foster child's file once every 6 months to make sure that the child is receiving the services s/he needs. Once reviewed, the FCRB makes a recommendation to the court. Jeff learned that Miss R's St. Nick's caseworker suspects that the case will make it to the court by June. Apparently, with the budget cuts, there is a huge backlog, which is why it is going to take so long.

My dad picked up Henry and Miss R from daycare and took them to my parents' house. After the FCRB, Jeff went to my parents' house and had dinner with my mom and the kids. My dad met me at my college's big dinner, in which one of my colleagues was the main speaker. It was a nice event. One of the primary donors and one of the student scholarship recipients gave inspirational speeches about overcoming diversity.

When I got home, the kids were still up. Henry and Miss R jumped on Miss R's bed causing part of the boards that hold up the mattress to fall. Then, Henry went to his bed, stood at the head, and tried to fall straight back on the mattress again...and again...and again. I ended up passing out on the couch afterward. Jeff did baby duty. Fortunately for Jeff, Baby A had some good stretches of sleep. I really needed the sleep as I have to have all cylinders working for my conference organizing (conference plan due tomorrow!).

On Tuesday morning, Miss R unfortunately had an accident in bed. Being in Arizona, she was technically dry but didn't smell quite right. That meant that I had to give her a shower, which she was not happy about. In the end, it worked out rather well having her air washed in the morning. It is so much easier to style her hair after it has been conditioned and is wet.

Baby A was picked up around 11:30AM for her visit with bio mom. The driver didn't come equipped with a rear-facing car seat. Sigh. That's the second time we've had to loan our car seat to the drivers, which is pain b/c it requires us taking time to unhitch our set up from our cars. Double sigh. One would think that a transportation service for CPS would understand the importance of rear-facing car seats for infants. Duh.

Miss R had a CPS sibling visit in the afternoon. Jeff picked up Henry from school. Henry had an appointment with Dr. Fike, his neurologist. His growth looks good to her. He tracks just under the 50th percentile in weight and height for his birthdate age. Jeff took Henry to BestBuy to get me a printer. They were out of the one I wanted of course. Henry got a Snoopy DVD out of the deal. Then, they stopped by the Mazda dealership to see if the kids' car seats would work in the Mazda 5. They will. But Henry told Jeff that he didn't like the car. He had another one picked out instead. Nevertheless, Jeff put some money down on the Mazda 5.

In sad news, we have a potential buyer for my Toyota Corolla. It's my first car. I don't really want to let it go, but we need a vehicle that can transport the whole family. My Corolla won't do that. It has journeyed with me to college in Oregon and to grad school in Philly. It is in great shape for a 21 year old car. The potential buyer comes tomorrow.

In the evening, we had Indian food for dinner. Miss R ate the rice, bread, AND some chicken. Either she really likes Indian food or the appetite stimulant is finally kicking in! Henry did a pretty good job eating too, which is nice.

That's about all from here. The kids fought Jeff on going to sleep, but it is finally quiet on the Western front.

Anything

On Saturday night, Miss R was super cranky and ended up going to bed early. She slept over 12 hours, so I suspect that she was very much in need of extra sleep. Henry stayed up late however. Jeff had to do some things for work, and Henry benefited from me taking care of Baby A, who was also up. He saw most of Hook, which made him very happy.

Henry has been interested in comparing and contrasting objects. "This is small." "This is big." At some point over the weekend, Henry took his blue berries and commented that they were small and looked like earrings.

On Sunday, Jeff had to work in the morning. The kids enjoyed playing in the train room. At one point, I was holding Henry and said, "I love you more than...." I was expecting Henry to fill in the blank with "peaches," but he filled in the blank with "anything!"

We had two engagements on Sunday afternoon. We got the times mixed up on an event at a neighbor's house and ended up not being able to attend it. We did, however, make it to our two year old friend Adelyn's birthday party. Henry and Miss R had a wonderful time. They *loved* Adelyn's play kitchen. Henry also enjoyed the plasma cars (we might have to get him one for his b-day). The kids had two helpings of chocolate cake that was very moist and delicious.

We didn't get home until after 4:30PM. The kids had a very late nap. Jeff woke them up for dinner, but both of them were in moods. In the evening, we read books and played a Good Night Moon card matching game. Henry is a matching expert. Miss R is beginning to catch on.

The kids were difficult about bed. To make matters worse, while Jeff was cleaning up the garbage bag that Lily tore apart in the garage, Miss R had a vomitting episode. It looked like chocolate cake to me...six hours after eating it. That made us wonder if Miss R is having some motility issues, which would explain the lack of appetite. In any event, we started her on an appetite stimulant a few days ago. We hope that will help. Hasn't made a difference so far.

Baby A was in a mood too. Very fussy. Looked like a "colicky" baby. I went to the store to get Good Start. We're hoping that it is just a problem with casein, and that the new formula will resolve the problem.

The kids were OK this morning. I think that Miss R enjoyed sleeping in our bed...as her bed had to be stripped b/c of the vomitting, which made its way down to the mattress pad.

Emma is our nanny for today. This is her third time with us.

Northwest Fire Station 32

On Saturday, Jeff and the kids (minus Baby A) slept until 9AM or so. That gave me time to get breakfast started before they officially got up. When we went into The Twins' room, Henry said that he had slept really well.

It took us forever to get out the door in the morning. Henry was laying around in his personal timeout position. We were concerned that he was coming down with something, but that appears not to have been the case. I took Henry and Miss R outside to look at the wildflowers that have sprouted all over the gravel in the backyard due to the rains this month.

We headed to the neighborhood fire station, which was having an open house today. The kids met some of the fire fighters, took a look at equipment, climbed around the front and back seats of a fire engine, played with a fire hose, and ate cookies. We also watched a fireman demonstrate the uses of his various gear.



















After the fire station open house, I took Baby A back home so that I could get some work done. She, however, had other plans. She ate, spit up, got changed, did some tummy time, and had fun swiping at my face. I sometimes think that she is social smiling, but she seems kind of young for that.

Meanwhile, Jeff took the kids to a park in our area that we had not yet visited. There was a lady flying a kite around the park. Jeff told Henry to look at the kite in the air. Henry said, "It's up in the air like Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger!" Miss R enjoyed the park's climbing wall, which surprised Jeff. We didn't think Miss R cared much for climbing. Then, Jeff took the kids to Eegee's for lunch. During lunch, Miss R waved and pointed to people who were in line. Jeff tried to dampen her tendency to point.

The Twins are taking their naps now. Jeff has taken Baby A car shopping. He's going to look at the Mazda 5.

Creative Luger

On Friday, Jeff dressed up Miss R in her sparkly black dress. We could continue to save it for special occasions, but she really likes it and we aren't sure that a significant occasional will come around before she outgrows it. Miss R likes dressing up. Henry looked cute in his new shark shirt. Pants are a problem. He's tall enough for 3T pants, but he isn't fat like other kids so the waistline doesn't work so well.

Friday was paint-your-face-like-an-animal day at school. Miss R's teachers painted her face like a zebra. She told Miss Diana thank you afterward. Miss R seems to be a favorite with her teachers.

When we went to pick up Henry, he had a scwabble with Aidan. Almost an exact replication of a scwabble a couple days ago. Aidan swipes at Henry. And Henry defends himself and strikes back. Miss Cassie told the boys to knock it off. Henry didn't seem to find the scwabble troubling. I get the impression that he's OK with someone starting a rumble. Whether or not they'd be OK with him retaliating is another matter.

I took the kids to my parents' house. Jeff and Baby A met up with us an hour or so later. That gave Henry the opportunity to watch The Three Muskateers. Last week, Henry's phrase was "To infinity and beyond!" This week, it is "All for one, and one for all!"

We went to Peter Piper Pizza for dinner. I had promised Henry a trip to Chuck E. Cheese, but it is across town and I'm not sure we'll make it this weekend. I was hoping that Peter Piper Pizza could replace that promise. I hadn't been to a Peter Piper Pizza since my freshman year of high school. It has improved over the years. There was an arcade for the kids. I spent most of my time in a quiet corner with Baby A. Henry and Miss R enjoyed some "moving" vehicle rides. They also enjoyed the carousel.

When we got back home, Henry was very creative in a dangerous Henry sort of way. He took the tray off of the baby scale used it to luge down his slide in the living room. I wish that he wouldn't go out of his way to be risky, but I was impressed with his ingenuity.

Jeff got the kids ready for bed as I held and fed Baby A. Jeff relieved me of baby duty around 1AM. I got 5 hours of sleep last night and am feeling pretty good. Jeff and the kids are still asleep. Our local fire station is having an open house today. I'm hoping that we'll have an opportunity to visit it. I think that Henry and Miss R would enjoy that. And maybe Jeff and I will make a decision on a car. We're finding it frustrating. The new car people that we've met are...stereotypical car people...that is liars and exaggerators.

Quiet Day

We had a quiet day on Thursday. That was needed.

I got the kids to school in time for their 9AM snack. Miss R looked very pretty in a dress. We usually have her in pants. I think that she enjoyed being dolled up.

I went out to the movies with Carolyn. Then, I returned home to take care of Baby A. Today's nanny had to leave by 1PM. It was nice to spend some time with Carolyn before she leaves tomorrow.

Baby A was quiet in the afternoon. She ate and snoozed on me. After his work ended, Jeff went looking at cars again. Then, he picked up Henry and Miss R and took them to my parents. I met up with them around 6:30PM. Jeff, my dad, and Carolyn picked up dinner at Chipolte. We decided to eat at my parents rather than brave a restaurant with the kids. Aunt Erin came over for dinner too.

When I arrived, Henry told me to go away. As usual, he was afraid that I was going to take him home...away from the TV...gasp!

Baby A slept the evening away. I woke her up for a bottle before we left. Jeff took the toddlers ahead of me. I took Baby A to Walgreens to get more diapers and Miss R's prescription (an antihistamine that is used as an apetitte stimulant). She's still sound asleep. I'm going to attempt to get some work done.

St. Patrick's Day

On Wednesday afternoon, I went to school, got a taxi, and went to court. There was a pre-conference before the hearing. Basically, the pre-conference hearing is where CPS' lawyer lays out the charges and sees what the bio parent will agree to before the hearing to save time. Custody was not challenged at this time, meaning that Baby A will be with us for at least a month. There's another hearing in April. It may be the case that the bio mom challenges custody and tries to get Baby A placed with a friend. After the hearing, I talked briefly with Baby A's lawyer and he told me which hearings were important and which ones were not.

I also attempted to strike up a conversation with Baby A's mom. It is something that our agency recommends: trying to be friendly with bio parents so that they see foster parents as working toward the best interest of the child. While family "reunification" is the goal of the case, it makes sense that bio parents and foster parents try to get along. In Miss R's case, I talked with her parents when they attended hearings. In fact, the last time that I saw Miss R's bio mom, she gave me a hug and thanked me for taking care of Miss R. That wasn't expected. I was glad that she realized that the case had nothing to do with me per se...as foster parents don't determine outcomes of cases...and she genuinely seemed to understand that we were taking good care of her daughter. Although one of the Baby A's bio mom's friends had been friendly and civil with me before the hearing, Baby A's mom was not receptive to my gesture after the hearing. The word "hostile" came to mind.

In the late afternoon, I went over to my parents' house and did a little work. Aunt Carolyn and Poppy picked up The Twins at daycare. Jeff brought Baby A to the house for dinner. And Aunt Erin made potato pancakes and dessert to go with my mom's corned beef. Miss R and Henry were in moods. They didn't eat much dinner. Aunt Erin got Miss R to eat some of the beef by pretending to eat off Miss R's plate. Miss R was competitive and ate every time Erin pretended to steal food from the plate. Henry was on a hunger strike, declaring that he didn't like the food he didn't even try.

Baby A was fussy. We are wondering if colic is upon us. She is moody in the afternoons and early evenings. It is late, and I'm on the first shift of baby duty. She's sleeping in Henry's old jungle swing. Jeff put it together. When we first put Henry in it, he was so light that the swing would whip back and forth too quickly to be called relaxing.

Anyway, I'm going to get some school work done. It was an interesting day. And I would like a couple uneventful days in the weeks to come. Uneventful is good.

Officially Out of Early Intervention

Yesterday afternoon, I had the meeting with the evaluators from TUSD (our school district). Henry's skills in five areas (gross motor, fine motor, cognition, speech, and social) are in the "normal" range. So he is officially out of early intervention and will not be continuing in the school system for special education. His developmental coordinator from the early intervention program, Elsa, was surprised that they went off of her test from December, given that the person in their main office (Lisa) said it was an unreliable test. She was also surprised that they thoroughly tested him in the area that we had no concerns whatsoever (speech) and told them as much in December. His receptive speech was high-normal comparing him against 3 year olds (he was 2 yrs 6.5 months adjusted when tested). That's government bureaucracies for you.

In any event, if we have any concerns in 6 months, we can have him tested again. At this point, we think that he is doing very well. If toe walking continues in the next year, we'll figure out what to do then. Hopefully, he will outgrow it. In the meantime, we'll continue to nag him about using his whole foot when walking.

Elsa said that this appointment would be her last on Henry's case. She also said it is probably going to be her last with the early intervention-school district transition process. She praised me and Jeff for being proactive parents and said that Henry's progress couldn't have happened without us. She said that with the state's budget cuts, early intervention is going to be dismantled. The state will throw back 40 years of progress to the winds. Ultimately, I know that the decision to cut early intervention will end up costing the state MORE money because problems that could have been headed off when kids are 0-3 years old will not be addressed, meaning that the problems will get bigger and more severe...creating a generation of people with special needs that won't go away and will be costly to the individuals and the state. Thank goodness early intervention was there for Henry and us. I look back on the past three years and vividly remember specific moments when we were at the crossroads and ended up taking much smoother trails with the assistance of Henry's physical and occupational therapists.

While I was at the meeting for Henry, Jeff took Baby A for a weigh check. She weighed 7 lbs. 1 oz. That is a 13 oz gain since birth!

I picked up Henry on my way home. Apparently, both he and Miss R were on the playground together when CPS arrived to take Miss R to her sibling visit. The teachers reported that Henry was very upset that someone took his sister. Henry sobbed for her.

Our family specialist Alison arrived around 4:30PM. Baby A's lawyer arrived shortly after. He couldn't tell us much about the case. In fact, he said that he didn't have much information as CPS doesn't release the briefs until 5PM the day before a case is being heard. But even if he did, he recommended that we attend the various meetings and hearings to find out information as he represents the baby, not us. He wants us involved but he also can't reveal too much about the bio parents for privacy reasons. We have to find out that information from the case workers. He appeared incredibly knowledgeable about the system. Alison asked him a lot of questions, and when he left, she said that he was the most knowledgeable family lawyer she had yet to encounter. I think that he will work hard to make the best decisions possible for Baby A. If the plan is a "reunification" plan, he said that he will be requesting two visits per week...if CPS can work that out. He thinks that it is best for parents and babies.

I set up my laptop for Henry so that he wouldn't get into too much trouble with company around. When the FBI warning came on, Henry exclaimed, "It's the FBI!" The lawyer was amused by Henry.

We had a long dinner last night. The big hit as far as Miss R was concerned was the cole slaw. I put some cole slaw on the kids' plates for kicks, but I didn't think that they'd eat it. Henry spit his out. Miss R wasn't interested in her cole slaw, but she wanted mine. She ate about a half-cup of it.

This morning, Miss R got up at 5AM to use the potty and then went back to bed. I'm loving that she is potty trained.

We have yet another nanny today. This one has four grandsons and was very excited to be taking care of a baby girl. So far, so good.

I have to get ready for court now. Unfortunately, due to what we do know about the case, I'm going to go to school and take a taxi to court and then get a taxi back to school. We don't want any of the bio family to see our license plate and be able to track us down for security reasons.

Busy Day

Monday afternoon and evening were uneventful. Given the general chaos that seems to rule our lives these days, we like uneventful.

We went on a family walk. We ran into Hal. Henry decided to play with the rocks in Hal's drive, which we told him to not touch. Unfortunately, Henry chose the rocks which are frequently urinated on by the neighborhood coyotes. Hal said, "At least pee is sterile." Not much comfort, I'm afraid. Henry ran up Hal's driveway. He probably would have kept running, but Jeff called out to him and he actually responded. He also managed to run his head into a cactus, but luckily it wasn't the "jumping" kind. As we said goodbye, Miss R said "Goodbye, Hal." Henry said, "Goodbye, Harold." I told him to say goodbye "Hal." Hal laughed because his birth name is Harold.

It is funny how different kids truly require different parenting styles. Miss R refused to come back with us on the walk...at least initially. So we said goodbye, turned around, and walked home. Not surprisingly, Miss R quickly followed. I would never use such a technique on Henry, however, because he is super stubborn and would use the opportunity to walk into the desert on his own, I'm sure.

We had a very long dinner. Henry decided that he didn't want the meatloaf but really wanted my thai soup. Miss R ate a good amount of meatloaf, which was nice to see. And both kids ate cake. They had a bath while I took care of Baby A. Jeff did baby duty until 3AM and then we switched. I was happy that "Charmed" came on at 5AM. The 3-5AM time slot is fairly dismal. I used to watch "Charmed" re-runs when Henry was came home.

This morning, Baby A ate too much and spit up a lot. She acts so frenetic when she doesn't have a bottle in her mouth. Henry was excited to be eating "panda bear cereal," which Jeff bought him yesterday at Sunflower. Miss R was very shy around today's nanny. When I dropped off the kids at school, Henry threw a HUGE tantrum because I wouldn't let him bring his Peter Pan book to school. The daycare prefers not to have personal belongings as they are likely to get lost or destroyed. He threw himself on the ground and I had to carry him to the door. Once inside, the tears stopped. Go figure.

Today is a busy one. I have a meeting at 2:30PM to find out the results of the TUSD evaluation. Jeff's going to take Baby A for a weight check. Baby A's lawyer is going to visit our home. And then Alison from A Place To Call Home is going to visit. And then tomorrow, we have Baby A's court hearing. In the meantime, I'm spending the day cleaning. Yea.

"I'm a wildcat! I have big muscles!"

On Sunday, I got the kids ready to go to the birthday party at Grammy and Poppy's house as Jeff walked the dogs. As I tried to get the kids ready, Henry ended up in the front hall closet lifting 1 lb weights up and down. He told me, "I'm exercising." I'm not sure where he picked that up as Jeff and I haven't exercised in front of him (other than our failed yoga attempt last month).

Henry and Miss R were in delightful form. Aunt Carolyn, Aunt Erin, Uncle Brian, my Aunt Gloria, and my parents were there. Baby A pretty much slept the entire time. Miss R gorged herself on almonds. Hopefully, she'll eat them if we buy them for her. I had no idea she liked nuts.

Henry and Miss R did the "Maniac!" dance and song for everyone. At one point, Henry was running around with the Bumbo on his head. It reminded me of a scene from Parenthood (1989):

Karen: [referring to Justin, the toddler] He likes to butt things with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.

Henry and Miss R enjoyed the cake. I'm always surprised when Henry actually eats something that's sweet. It was a dark chocolate flavor, so perhaps that helped.

On Monday morning, Jeff asked Henry what was on his shirt. His shirt was red and said "Arizona" on it. Henry said, "I'm a wildcat! I have big muscles!"

The other cute thing that Henry did this morning was sing, "Oh Daddy, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Daddy, hey Daddy" (complete with claps). I often sing the "Hey Mickey" song to the kids (taking turns inserting Henry and Miss R's names in lieu of Mickey).

The drop off at school was uneventful. Came back home and wore Baby A around the house in a sling while catching up on email.

A Family Outing

On Friday, it was "crazy hair day" at school. As Henry prepared for his day, I put mousse in his hair to make it "crazier" than usual. It usually looks pretty crazy. Henry could double for Dennis the Menace...mainly because I really don't like putting hair products in a toddler's hair as a general rule. Henry flipped out and wanted it out of his hair. So I combed it through. It was the most tame that I'd ever seen his hair before. He seemed happy with it. It was not crazy at all. Very un-Henry like.

We had another nanny arrived in the morning. I really liked her. The other ones were fine, but this nanny was excited to hold the baby. She said that her parents had fostered infants when she was growing up.

I was a bit irked at the kids when we got to school. As I turned off the car, I noticed that they had taken their shoes off...just to add minutes to my getting them in the door.

In the late afternoon, I stopped by the Toyota dealership to look at Siennas before I picked up the kids and took them to Basha's, the grocery store that Henry loves. He loves shopping in general, but he was aggrieved that there were no balloons for kids, unlike Sunflower and TJ's.

We had Chinese food from Basha's for dinner. Miss R pretty much ate her weight in rice. At least she ate something.

On Saturday, Jeff made pancakes. We then went to the Desert Museum and met up with some old friends from college (Liz and Tye) who have a 16 month old named Sebby. Sebby loved the rock "pit," and Miss R and Henry enjoyed digging in sand. Somehow we managed two toddlers and an infant. We had to take two cars to get there...which highlighted our immediate need for a minivan. We were tempted to buy used, but we've done the cost breakdown and think that we are just going to bite the bullet and get a new Honda Odyssey. I'm just going to assume that this purchase will be an investment that lasts us at least 10 years. But we'll have to get rid of my 21 year old Toyota Corolla.

In the evening, we dropped off the kids at Grammy and Poppy's house and picked up Aunt Carolyn to go to Erin's production of Little Shop of Horrors. It was very good. The female lead was particularly outstanding. The kids behaved for my parents, which was good.

On Sunday, we've stayed around the house. Miss R told Baby A that she loved her several times. She also put on Jeff's orange jacket and was upset b/c she couldn't find her arms in it. Henry had fun being Henry...which meant that he was up to no good several times. The big event of the day was giving Baby A her first bath. As it turns out, her black hair is curly...big beautiful curls. I decided not to comb them out, because they are so darn cute.

The kids are asleep now. I'm going to do some work that's not due until next week. So nice to get ahead!

Life with Three Kids

Tuesday was my birthday (I turned 27...plus a couple years). A nice gal showed up in the morning to nanny. She was a junior high math teacher on break. She seemed to do well with Baby A. I took Henry and Miss R to school and then took my mom to the doctors to get a portocath placement.

While in the waiting room, we ran into the attorney from the AG's office who represents the state and DES. She looked familiar, and I think that she thought we looked a little familiar too. My mom struck up a conversation with her and outright asked if she was an attorney. While my mom had her surgery, I talked to the attorney for awhile. She was waiting for a friend. We didn't really talk about Miss R's case, but upon saying Miss R's name, she knew exactly who I was. I asked her a lot of questions about her job and how she came to be in her profession. What an incredibly inspiring person she is. She didn't set out to work for the state when she went to law school. She worked for a couple years representing parents and kids but was in need of a change. So she started working for the AG's office. She currently has 117 cases on her case load. She spends almost all of her time at the court house. About a quarter of the cases on her load end up going to trial. I asked her if she could tell in advance which parents would make a turn around and which ones would not follow their case plans. She said that she was pretty good at predicting, that working as a lawyer for the families had helped her in that regard. But she said that there are always some surprises. Sometimes a person who you don't think has it in them will manage to "get it" and make significant lifestyle changes to get their kids back.

In the afternoon, Jeff went to Baby A's TDM (team decision meeting). He got some insight into the case. Can't share it here, but I can say that it is a messy situation. Then, I took Baby A to her pediatrician's visit. At 5 days old, she was up 4 ozs on her birth weight, which surprised us. Most babies lose weight the first week. When Dr. Bianchi walked into the room, he was surprised to see me there with another child. As it turns out, his wife is a social worker at UMC. That was nice to hear. His office has been so darn good about getting us into see our new kids at a moment's notice. Overall, Baby A is doing well. We have another weight check scheduled for next week.

Upon arriving home, Henry walked into my office and announced that he wanted "my pi-cuter" (meaning my computer). He's decided that my old reddish laptop is really his. I let him and Miss R watch a DVD on it at their picnic table.

We've been on a low sugar diet/life style change. But for my birthday, Jeff bought "natural" cheetos (which is a bit of an oxymoron). The Twins and I enjoyed eating them. Henry's super cute comment of the evening was putting on my shoes and proclaiming that he was wearing "a glass slipper" (Cinderella reference). He also pretended to be Alison, our family specialist. He grabbed Jeff's notebook and announced, "I'm Alison. I'm going to check the house." And off he went.

Jeff managed to get Baby A to sleep in the crib for awhile. That was great. And, I got a luxurious four hours of straight sleep. It would have been more if I hadn't needed to prep my class for the following day.

On Wednesday, it was Jeff's and my wedding anniversary. It started off with Miss R throwing massive tantrums in the morning that were on par with our former nanny's child. She was upset at having to brush her teeth. She screamed in the car, but quieted down when we neared school.

Then, the nanny who had come in the morning had a childcare emergency in the afternoon, leaving Jeff to have to take care of Baby A unexpectedly. My parents picked up The Twins and dropped them off at our place. Miss R's attorney showed up at 5PM, but had left before I got home at 5:35PM. Basically, the judge ordered him to visit Miss R to make sure everything was fine. So he fulfilled his obligation there. That was OK.

While in his playhouse, Henry asked me if I wanted a taco. Apparently, his imaginary culinary talents have expanded past getting me coffee and a burger.

The Twins protested going to bed. I read them two books but they wanted more. Jeff and I weren't in much of a coddling mood. Henry proceeded to talk to himself for about an hour after going to bed.

I took care of Baby A most of the night. I switched off with Jeff at 5AM. It isn't as bad as it sounds though. I was able to catnap several times as Baby A does take decently long naps in-between bottles and diaper changes. Energy-wise, I'm doing A-OK.

On Thursday morning, Baby A was picked up for her parent visitation. The visit supervisor was supposed to come between 8:15-8:30AM. She showed up at 7:45AM. So of course we weren't yet ready. In addition, she didn't have a car seat, so Jeff had to undo ours and let her borrow it. She had called yesterday afternoon announcing that there would be a visit. She said she was really busy and wanted us to bring the baby to the visit. Mind you, by scheduling a visit in the morning that blew our plans for nanny service out of the water and ensured that I would get little work done. I told Jeff no. Mind you, Alison (our family specialist) also made it clear to CPS at the TDM that based on information provided, it is necessary for our safety that we are not the ones to do the visitation drop offs and pick ups. Period.

Miss R had another fit over teeth brushing (as if this isn't something we do twice a day!). And then she had a fit over me combing her hair. I decided to try to rationalize with her. Yes, rationalize with a two year old. Although I realize the superficial nature of my appeal, it seemed to work. I told her that every night, people get tangles in their hair. When you toss and turn, your hair gets messed up. And tangles look silly. Did we want to go into public looking silly? No. Did we want other people to think we looked silly? No. [That's the part that's superficial b/c at some level, I don't want her to give a darn what other people think.] Anyway, so everyone has to brush their hair every morning to get those tangles out. She calmed down as I explained it to her and suddenly seemed to get that I wasn't trying to torture her with a comb. I asked her if she wanted to go to the mirror to see exactly what I was doing. She was interested. So we went to my full length mirror. Put down a small stood. Had her sit down. And I combed out the tangles. She seemed happy with the result.

The kids were fine in the car. I asked them if they wanted to listen to Myamo. At first they said yes. But then Henry was adamant about listening to the Belly Button CD. He informed me that "We don't like Myamo." After listening to the Belly Button song, they told me that they wanted the 80s CD. Very picky kids.

In the afternoon, I got The Twins at 2:30PM and took them to Dr. Bianchi's office for a weight check. When we arrived in the parking lot, Henry was irked because he really wanted to go to Dr. Bunch's office instead. Henry weighed 29 lbs 4 ozs and was 37.25 inches tall. Miss R weighed 23 lbs 12 ozs and was 33.5 inches tall. Dr. Bianchi isn't too concerned about their weights as Henry has gained well. He doesn't think that Miss R is too far off on her trajectory, which is a short one, but he nevertheless gave me a prescription for an appetite stimulant. And, he sent us to SonoraQuest to get some blood work done on her. During the visit, the following conversation occurred:

HENRY: Dr. Bianchi! Dr. Bianchi!
DR. BIANCHI: Yes.
HENRY: I'm reading a magazine.

Henry announced that he wanted to go to the park in the magazine. As it was a cartoon park, I'm afraid that's going to be difficult. As I talked to Dr. Bianchi, Henry got very loud as he tried to convince Miss R that they were being chased by a bear.

Afterward, we went to SonoraQuest. Two toddlers, one mom, in a waiting room. Henry was fairly obnoxious. He was thrilled at the woman with the baby on her lap. A very pretty baby. Henry introduced himself to the baby, "Hi Baby, I'm Henry." And he told anyone who would listen that "R is here for a blood withdrawal." He climbed on furniture. He tried to bang on the blinds, but I wouldn't let him. I had to contain him for a 1/2 hour. At one point he told me that he working on his "Imagination!" (complete with SpongeBob hand signals from the Imagination episode). Miss R, however, was an angel. She sat in her chair and leafed through magazines. At one point, I had to pull him aside, sit him on my lap, and say "Henry, would you look around? Do you notice how everyone in this room is calm? Notice how they are sitting in their seat and not jumping up and down." He kind of paid attention to me. Then we were called for the withdrawal. I had to hold Miss R as they drew the blood and hope that Henry wouldn't get into too much trouble (e.g., the outlets without covers were a concern).

We went home. Jeff left me with the three kids to go car shopping. Two toddlers and a newborn by myself. It could have been worse. Miss R requested food, claiming she was hungry, which must have been a first. I made them pizza and got them olives and banana. They did well on everything but the olives. Baby A was kind of fussy in comparison to her usual state. One cute moment occurred when the kids arranged the couch pillows on the floor and pretended that they were a cot. Miss R tucked Henry into "bed." Then she wanted him to tuck her into the bed. But Henry had run off with the blanket claiming that he wanted to do the laundry. He finally tucked her into the "bed" and sat down next to her, patting her on the back, and tell her that he was a teacher.

Somehow, I managed to get the kids into bed around 8:45PM with just a little protest. Or maybe it was a lot but I didn't pay attention to it as Baby A needed me to hold her.

Jeff hasn't found our dream car yet. Hopefully, we'll get a new car soon.

Signing off and going to bed...

tantrums, tantrums everywhere

Things are still going well with Baby A. It seems she is actually getting easier to take care of as things go along, knock on wood. Today we had a nanny from a service take care of her. She fed her and changed her a couple times but for the most part she slept. She slept for 4 hours this afternoon.

We had a visit from our foster agency rep today as well. Nothing really new there, just some paperwork to fill out. Still no word on our certification from the court which is holding up the adoption of Miss R.

Both Henry and Miss R seem to be reacting to the addition of Baby A. Their behavior toward Baby A is fine, both are gentle and nice, at least for now. However, I think there has been a surge in timeouts. Miss R is being less cooperative and very sensitive. She was already sensitive but now it doesn't take much to send her into a crying fit. Henry is always uncooperative but it seems a little worse the last couple days. He has added the wonderful phrase "shut up" to his vocab. Amazing how they can immediately pick up on things you don't want them to.

This morning Kate had her hands full dropping them off for daycare. Miss R had a fit when Kate pulled her out of the car because she wanted to buckle her seat belt. Henry then decided he wanted to buckle his and Miss R's seat belt. When told no he thrashed his head back and forth and hit it against the wall of the car. Kate wasn't sympathetic.

On arriving at daycare Henry walked up to the counter at the front desk and said "Can I see a menu please?" He has been very much into play food recently. In his class Kate witnessed him playing kitchen with another boy and he has been pretend eating at home. If only he would eat for real. We are starting him on prevacid again to see if he is still dealing with reflux issues.

In the afternoon today Miss R and Henry went to Grammy and Poppy's house via Barnes and Noble. I didn't pick them up and didn't get a full report from Kate so I'm not sure how that went.

In the afternoon I took Baby A for a walk. I bundled her up and put her in our jogging stroller. She didn't stir the whole walk which was probably 40 minutes and included the stroller being bumped several times by playing dogs. She continued to sleep through dishes being put away and me making dessert with a hand mixer. I think she could sleep on a construction site which is good with loud mouthed Henry around.

At this point everyone is sleeping but me. Baby A is in her crib so I might try to get a few z's while I can. She hasn't slept for more than 10 minutes in the crib before now but is doing well tonight. Again, knock on wood.

"And the crowd goes wild!!!"

Henry woke up from his nap before Miss R did. It was very rainy outside. So Jeff let him watch his Land Before Time video. When Miss R got up, I decided to take her to Babies R Us to get her some big girl panties, since she was doing such a great job with her potty training. I think that she had fun having some one-on-one time.

When we returned, Henry was watching a Tinkerbell movie and rejecting his dinner. Miss R did not do a great job on her dinner either. Henry and I played ball again. Well, I picked up balls and Henry threw them. As with this morning, he yelled "And the crowd goes wild!!!" when he made some good throws. He's been practicing accuracy and distance.

Jeff got the kids to bed. Henry told Jeff that he didn't want to have sweet dreams. About half-an-hour after Jeff left the kids, Henry came out to the living room and announced that he'd had a good sleep. Jeff didn't buy it and put him back to bed.

Baby A is snoozing as I work. I'm taking the first baby shift tonight. I'll hopefully be able to let Jeff have a decent amount before I need to sleep.

We have a nanny coming to the house tomorrow from one of the big agencies in town. Hopefully, this works out. We'll be using the nanny service for the rest of the week. I'm on spring break the following week, so I don't know if we'll use a nanny or not. I suppose that it depends on how well we like the service. Henry and Miss R will definitely be going to daycare that week. They need the routine. I was thinking of spending a good part of the week getting the house in order. If Baby A continues to be as easy as she has been, I might not need any extra help. We'll see.

New Addition

On Wednesday, Jeff picked up the kids at daycare and took them for a walk with the dogs. When I arrived home, everyone was at the table just getting started on dinner. I asked Miss R who her friends were at school. She said, "Cassie." Henry replied, "Miss Cassie's not a friend. She's a teacher." I was a bit impressed by his distinction, but I told him that Miss R could choose whomever she wanted to be her friend.

On Thursday, we went to Swenson's with my mom for a little celebration dinner. My mom received the results back from her tests the day before, and she's eligible to do chemo. That's good news. Henry was...well...a terror at dinner. Absolutely unruly. He managed to bang his head a couple times on the table with his shenanigans. Jeff and I had met my parents and the kids at Swenson's. Poppy had been the one to pick them up at daycare. He was told that Henry had gotten into trouble for locking other kids into the bathroom. A prankster at 2.5 years old. Great. I seem many visits to the principal's office throughout his schooling.

On Friday morning, I asked Miss Stephanie about Henry's activities. She didn't know anything about them so it must have been something that he did in the afternoon. I also asked her about how Henry's situation would be handled when he turned 3 as he turns 3 (actual age, not adjusted) in April and he still isn't potty trained. Apparently, they have one 3 year old room devoted to 3s who aren't potty trained yet. I asked her if she thought he was ready (in the back of my mind, I was thinking about his adjusted age and what would be best), and she said that she thought he would be. He's started talking a lot in the last couple months and she could finally see what I meant when I said he was a talker. She also thinks that he gets bored easily and could use the challenge.

Miss R stayed home on Friday b/c she'd been sick with a cough and slight fever. Jeff gave her a nebulizing treatment in the morning. To my surprise, Miss R was still at the breakfast when I got back home. Our telephone rang but it was out of easy reach. Then, my cell phone went off. It was Maria from A Place To Call Home.

They needed a foster family for a little baby who was born on Wednesday. She wanted to know if we were interested. I was surprised by the call b/c I didn't think that we were on the "active" list. I talked with Jeff, and we decided that we were willing to give it a whirl, provided the baby was not medically fragile. Although we originally got into foster care thinking that we'd take care of preemies, we realize that with Henry's current curiosity and unwillingness to follow rules, our home would not be a great place for a medically fragile child at the moment. I can just see Henry pulling on a tube inappropriately or something. I called Maria, and she said that it was a healthy baby girl. The bio mom has had prior involvement with the system, which is why the baby was being taken away from her at the hospital. We said that we were willing. I strongly suspect that they wouldn't have called us unless there was a strong need given that we weren't even listed as active seekers.

In the late afternoon, the CPS investigator dropped off the baby girl at 2 days old. She has a full head of hair...about as much as Henry did at 18 months adjusted...maybe more. I can't say her name on this blog for privacy reasons per CPS regulations, but I can say that it is a very long name and neither we nor anyone at CPS knows how to pronounce it. So we are calling her a shortened version of her name based on the first couple syllables. On this blog, we'll call her Baby A. The investigator didn't have a lot of information about Baby A as the case just fell in her lap Friday morning. Baby A weighed 6 lbs 4 ozs at birth. There's no father listed on the case. The mother just had her rights terminated to Baby A's sibling in October. I asked if that sibling's foster parents and/or adoptive parents had been contacted in regards to Baby A, and she said that they had not yet done that. In regards to the sibling, the sibling had been placed with bio family, but it didn't work out, so the investigators did not seek a kinship placement for Baby A. We'll find out more about the case on Tuesday when we attend the TDM (team decision meeting), which is where the bio parent(s) hash things out with the CPS investigators before the case goes to Court and charges are formally brought forth. Given that Baby A has a sibling, I'd assume that it is quite possible that she ends up being with us for a short time. We'll see.

Jeff commented on how Baby A seems so small, and yet she's substantially bigger than Henry when he came home weighing 4 lbs 13 ozs.

Miss R was absolutely wonderful about Baby A. I've explained that Baby A is a friend who will be staying with us for awhile. Because she's a baby, she'll need Miss R to show her the ropes. And Miss R seems up to that challenge. She really hasn't seemed jealous at all. Perhaps she remembers how we did respite with Miss A, a toddler, who stayed just for an evening. After the investigator left, Jeff picked up Henry. It was interesting trying to juggle a newborn and a toddler who needed to use the potty. I don't know how single moms do it.

Jeff explained to Henry how we were having a baby visit us. As they came through the door, Henry ran into the living room to see our visitor. And he was delighted at having a baby nearby. He even remembered her name...well, nickname...that Jeff had told him.

I'm probably going to jink our good fortune by writing this down, but so far, I can't even begin to convey how much easier this newborn is than Henry around his due date. I know that new parents with full-term babies think that they have it rough because they have to get up every few hours to fed the baby (gasp!). But when we compare that to Henry's situation, it is heavenly. The big challenge has not so much to do with the baby per se, but making sure that someone has an eye on Henry the Troublemaker. Baby A sleeps. She makes a noise when she wants to eat. We change her. She drinks her bottle. Then she falls asleep again. Her cycle is a bit shorted than the usual baby feeding of every three hours. She eats every 1.5-2 hours or so. But she sucks down her ounce in about 5-10 minutes, which is a far cry from our feeding marathons with Henry where it would take an hour plus to get an ounce down him. Not to mention Henry's insomnia caused by that devil's brew called Reglan that made it so that Henry only slept 1-3 hours per day (not straight sleep) those first several weeks at home.

Jeff on several occasions has described Henry's home coming as one of the toughest nights of our lives (only to be outdone by a couple nights that took place the previous 3.5 months of Henry's NICU stay). The accumulation of 109 days of extreme stress and sleep deprivation impacts a homecoming. And it isn't as though a preemie parent gets to pretend that the previous 3.5 months didn't happen and that at the due date, the preemie is just like a full-term newborn. I know that a lot of people don't understand that the long-term risks and consequences of prematurity, but they are a fact. Preemies, especially micropreemies, have more legitimate concerns surrounding their survival and development than full-term kids. It was hard knowing that Henry only had a 14%-22% chance of "Survival Without Moderate to Severe Neurodevelopmental Impairment" according to the NIH predictions. It was hard having to lug the oxygen canister everywhere those first four months at home. Trying to change Henry's clothes while ensuring important tubes didn't get disconnected. Having several appointments a week was no picnic. It was, of course, all worth it, and we'd do it again if we had to. It still makes me a bit sad to think of what Henry had to endure in the NICU (picks and prods on extremely sensitive skin, the feeding challenges, the surgeries, etc.). We are incredibly proud of Henry and his fortitude. And we are incredibly thankful that we had the kind of family support that we did, especially that first year.

Jeff and I are going to try to figure out a strategy for getting Baby A to sleep in a crib when she wants to snooze. Friday night, we held her all night long. I held her until 3:10AM. Jeff wasn't on baby duty BUT he was on building a crib duty until 1:15AM. He got 2 hours of shut eye and then she cried. He stayed up with her from 3:15-6:45AM. I woke up and took over. Fortunately, the kids didn't get up until 8:15AM, so he squeaked in another 1.5 hours of sleep.

I didn't mind staying up Friday night. I got to watch a few Cold Case episodes, which was fun. But it would be nice if in-between feeds at night, Baby A snoozed in the crib. It would be better for both our mental and physical well-beings! We know that we *can* push our bodies to the limits as we did with Henry, but we are hoping that we don't have to.

Another remarkable thing about Baby A is the unremarkable amount of spit up that she produces. A huge pet peeve of the preemie parent whose child has medically diagnosed reflux is to have other parents say "oh, all children spit up" when one mentions the reflux problem. Hearing that phrase pretty much made me want to hit some people upside the head. Baby spit does not equal reflux (true medically diagnosed reflux). Baby A has spit up a couple times. It hasn't been profuse, which is so nice. I hope that she continues to tolerate her formula.

I was told by a CPS worker that Baby A did receive some breast milk from her bio mom, so I'm glad that her bio mom was able to give her that gift. She came home on Similac, and it seems OK so far. That too is a nice change from our previous experience of Henry being allergic to cow's milk and soy-based formula used as a fortifier.

On Saturday, we stayed at home. The kids ran around in their night shirts for most of the day. Time seemed to fly by. Jeff got out some of Henry's old equipment. Henry and Miss R took turns in the bouncy chair. Miss R held Baby A for the first time. She also "helped" with diaper changes. Henry had no interest in helping with diaper changes. I asked him, and he said "No." A person from the Blake Foundation stopped by to give Baby A a developmental evaluation. She said that because Baby A has no siblings receiving services and is an infant, the Blake Foundation will be the group doing the monthly evaluations. I was glad about that b/c La Fronterra, who was in charge of Miss R's case, completely dropped the ball on evaluating Miss R. I'd rather not have to deal with a group that gets paid by the state and does nothing.

On our evening walk, Henry freaked out Luke, a very large Rhodesian Ridgeback. He gave him a big hug and said "I love you!" I guess Luke didn't know what to make of that. At the wash, Henry pretended the slope was a "waterfall."

At some point yesterday, Jeff asked Henry if he wanted juice. Henry pointed to the OJ and said that he wanted the one from Basha's. Jeff asked him how he knew that the OJ was from Basha's. Henry pointed to the word "Basha's" on the carton.

In the evening, Henry was in a particularly imaginative mood. Before bed, he was trying to convince Miss R that the benches that he'd stacked up on the picnic table were a dragon and they had to hide inside of the playhouse. The kids had fun throwing receiving blankets in the air. Henry pretended his blank was a "whip." Jeff tells me that Henry was making a Snoopy reference.

Jeff took the baby shift from 11PM-5AM. He said that he got the chance to doze before 2AM, but then Baby A wanted to eat, eat, eat.

This morning (Sunday), I woke up at 5AM, surprised that Jeff had left me sleep for 5 hours straight (I have a wonderful husband). He slept from 5-9:15AM, but had a couple interruptions from The Twins. Miss R wanted to get up at 5:15AM. I told her she had to sleep, but let her into the bed with Jeff, which did the trick. She took up my spot on the bed and looked very content. Henry woke up around 6:30AM or so. He wanted Daddy. I let him into bed with Jeff, but unlike Miss R, he was jabbering, so I had to remove him and eventually carted him to the living room. He decided he wanted breakfast. I was going to make him waffles but he was adamant about eating a corndog. After breakfast, I let him watch Elmo's Potty Time. He enjoyed watching Elmo, but I don't think that the message of the video left much of an impression.

Baby A was easy going. She ate, slept, and required a couple diaper changes. Jeff and Miss R got up after 9AM. Miss R was in her underware all night (we forgot to put on a pull-up) and she did not have an accident. Amazing! We are so impressed with her potty skills. Hopefully, she'll be pull-up free in a couple months. Because she was such a big girl, I plan to take her to the store and buy her whatever panties she wants.

At some point, I asked Henry what he wanted to do today. He said, "park." I said, "Do you want to go to the park with the roller slide in Marana?" He said, "No, the other park." I said, "The park in Oro Valley?" He replied, "E.D.O." I was shocked. How does he remember these things? C.D.O. is near the park in Oro Valley.

Something clicked for Henry when it came to throwing balls. He seems to get the concept of throwing in a more sophisticated way than before when it comes to aim and force. He spent some of the morning trying to throw a rubber basketball through the tunnel on the fourth level of the cat tree. And then he climbed into his ball pit and started throwing balls from the pit into the playhouse window. His aim was actually quite good, and he has his father's and grandfather's ambidextrous abilities. His left hand throw is just as good as his right. After some good throws, Henry yelled "And the crowd goes wild!!!"

At 11:30AM, Jeff took Henry and Miss R to the park in Marana. They only had the opportunity to play for 10 minutes. Then, it started to ran. Henry recommended to Jeff that they go to Sunflower. But as they approached the Ina/Thornydale intersection (Sunflower not in view), Henry announced that he didn't want to go to Sunflower, he wanted to go to the McDonald's with the play equipment. Jeff decided not to take him there, because of our last experience at a McD's when Henry refused to get off the equipment and wouldn't come down.

When they came home, it was time for a nap. The Twins didn't go down without a fight. Both had typical toddler tantrums. Henry's tantrum was complete with feet stamping and his mouth in an upside down sad face.

Alright. I have a little bit of time before the kids get up. I'm going to head out to Babies R Us for supplies. Jeff has Baby A on his shoulder. They look very cute together.

Henry's Developmental Evaluation

On Tuesday, Henry and I dropped off Miss R at school. Henry stayed with me as it was his "big" evaluation day. We dropped off Miss R at 9:15AM. With some time to spare, we went to The Glass Onion so that Henry could try a No Yoko, the breakfast that he hears me ordering in the morning. So common is this order that the kids pretend to order No Yokos on their toy cell phones. He enjoyed coloring in a coloring book at the coffee shop. He enjoyed walking around. He set off their synthesizer (luckily few people were in the shop). He ate some of the No Yoko, but he wasn't enthralled with the egg whites and avocado.

We went across town for the school district evaluation of Henry's needs. As I've mentioned before, at age 3, early intervention cases are transferred from the state's early intervention program and handled by the school districts, if a continued need is established. I was a bit disappointed to hear that the OT decided not to give an evaluation b/c Henry scored well on the over-the-phone assessment done by his early intervention coordinator. I thought that particular test was overly vague and I confess that I don't trust the developmental coordinator's judgment. Because he was perfectly average on that test (based on the assumption of him being evaluated as a three year old, even though he was probably 2 yrs 4 months adjusted when I gave the answers), the OT decided it wasn't worth the time. She said that his scores were surprising for him being born a micropreemie, who usually don't "catch up" until they are in their threes. I will refrain from my soapbox on the phrase "catch up."

I told the OT that I still had some concerns. So she gave him a puzzle with which to play. The puzzle had a fruit theme. The pieces came out of the puzzle but the backboard of the puzzle contained no color, so this was not a matching of pictures task. Henry actually did pretty well getting the fruit pieces to fit in the puzzle. She also had him scribble on a piece of paper. She wanted him to draw two lines and some circles. It took some effort to get him to participate. He didn't really do a line so much as a dot/streak, but she considered that sufficient. His circles were pretty good (they resembled something with curves). She said that drawing was clearly not his favorite task, but she would have evaluated his skills approximately in the 3.5 year old range. I was pleased in some ways, but I confess that I don't quite believe that he has 3.5 year old fine motor skills. He isn't nearly as coordinated as Miss R.

Henry had an extended session with the speech pathologist. It was about an hour long session of speech testing. I hung back as I've read that parents can screw up a child's evaluation by hovering. Usually, the parent gets anxious and tries to get the kid to do the task, which can be problematic as kids need to be able to do some tasks in the absence of parents. The psychologist asked me who had worked with him on speech. I said no one. Speech had not been one of our concerns. Our concerns were related to his gross and fine motor skills. He was surprised to hear that (which resembled a comment by the Child Find coordinator who said, back in December, that all of the kids admitted to their program had speech issues). The speech pathologist said that she wouldn't know how to rate him specifically until she ran the numbers, but she thought that he'd done very well. On enunciation of words, he is age appropriate. He still doesn't quite say "r" and "l" sounds correctly, but most toddlers don't. On language receptivity, she said that she was asking him some questions of the 4-year old battery. The speech pathologist asked who his ST was, and I again explained that he hadn't had one. She did notice that his attention began to wane during the test. She said that he is too young to determine whether that's a meaningful observation or just a reflection of him being a toddler. She was able to "redirect" his attention.

We rounded out the session with a quick visit from the PT. Again, they hadn't planned to test him, except for my concerns about toe walking and arm placement. She said that his toe walking seems to present itself when he is excited, but she observed that he "can" walk on his whole foot (which I had told them at the outset). I observed that he would appear "excited" quite a bit as he spends a good part of the day on his toes. Regarding his arm, she said that to the extent he can bear weight on both arms, the arm thing isn't something she considered problematic. She said that we should having him do wheel barrows so that he can build up and use both sides equally. She also had him do a duck walk, which requires some squatting making it difficult to toe walk.

I heard the group of evaluators say that he is "solid." We have a meeting in two weeks to get their official recommendation, but I'm confident that as predicted, he will no longer qualify for intervention.

I decided not to return Henry to school. As Tuesday is Miss R's bio sibling visitation day and we wouldn't be picking her up, I didn't think that putting Henry in school a couple hours would be worth it as he'd have missed lunch by the time we got there and then would be put down for nap. I've missed the kids with my 17-hour work days the past week and a half (not a typo nor exaggeration). As much as I wanted to get some sleep, I opted instead to spend the day with Henry.

I took him to Golf'N'Stuff. When we arrived, I insisted that I change his diaper, despite his insistence that he was dry. During the changing, we had the following conversation:

HENRY: I'm a bad boy.
KATE: You're a bad boy? Oh. That makes me sad.
HENRY: No, I'm a good boy. Mommy's happy.

We played video games. We "played" miniature golf (well, we carried golf clubs around anyway), and Henry liked putting the balls into holes and they would appear on another level of the course. We also played a round of air hockey. My job was made easy as Henry had fun scoring on himself. He enjoyed the SpongeBob car game that they also have a Monkey Business. Henry's favorite game, however, was a whack-a-mole game. We went to lunch at IHOP where Henry had almost all of his short stack of buttermilk pancakes with blueberry syrup.

Henry's nap consisted of 15 minutes of sleep in the car on the way to IHOP. When we got home, Jeff took over and I was able to take a nap for a couple hours.

Miss R and Henry were loud and happy during dinner. Before dinner, they'd gone on a walk with Jeff and Lily. Roger refused to go on the walk for some reason. Henry announced that he was king during dinner.

After dinner, we played with the Goodnight Moon puzzle. Then I read the kids "The Haunted House," "Hamilton," and "Fidgety Fish." Miss R is beginning to be able to finish sentences like Henry does, which is nice to see. Love that she is engaging with the books. Then, it was time for bed.

Dinosaur Toys

On Monday afternoon, Grammy and Poppy picked up the kids at daycare. They took the kids to Barnes & Noble. Jeff and I came to my parents' house for dinner. I arrived a little bit after Jeff, as I was coming from school. Miss R showed me their new dinosaur toys, of which she was very proud. Henry was too busy watching Monsters, Inc. to say hello. Henry ate fairly well at dinner. He had 1.5 bananas and some bread with special French cheese on it. Miss R was in full refusal mode.

Jeff and the kids went home a little after 8PM. I followed a half-hour later. When I got home, Jeff was reading them "Hamilton." Miss R wanted me to climb into bed with her, so I did. I've spent the last week doing lots of editing, so I haven't had enough snuggle time. As we listened to Jeff read, Miss R stroked my cheek tenderly, much like I do to her when she is lying down. It was very sweet.

I just sent off the revised edits to Oxford, so I'm hoping that I get to relax for a little while (i.e., just have normal work responsibilities). I'm planning to spend a lot more time on home stuff this week.

Tomorrow, Miss R has her bio sibling visit in the afternoon. Darn, that reminds me, I guess I'll be doing our monthly foster care reports tomorrow. Ugh. In addition, Henry has his evaluation with TUSD at 10:30AM. Basically, at age 3, early intervention ends and kids' cases get handled by the school system in a special program when the kids are between 3-5 years old. Tomorrow, Henry will be evaluated by a speech therapist (ST), a physical therapist (PT), and an occupational therapist (OT) to see if he qualifies for their program. I'm guessing that he isn't going to qualify for the program. To qualify, children have to be delayed in two of the areas. While Henry has some quirks (e.g., holding his arm into his right side when running and toe walking) and I don't think that these quirks are "normal" exactly, I don't know that being involved in the school program would necessarily help with those issues.

Currently, the right side thing hasn't inhibited him from running. It might, however, indicate an issue with balance, as his neurologist mentioned at our last visit with her. He did have that cerebellum bleed in the NICU. Balance is affected by the cerebellum. The research on cerebellar bleeds is limited, and the small number of existing studies basically suggest poor outcomes (as in half of kids with such bleeds have significant delays). As such, we are thankful that he has the kind of coordination that he does have. He has full motility on both sides of his arms. Perhaps it is just a matter of him consciously retraining his motions. In any event, I'm not sure that a school system program would really help in that regard. The most likely scenario is that we'll just have to work on it at home and/or get therapy via the neurologists office.

The other issue is toe walking. The concern is that it could be a long-term issue, and if not addressed, toe walking can cause cramping in the calves. Fortunately for Henry, he does have the capacity to use his whole foot. But his "normal" position is one in which he walks on his toes. The other day, I saw him run down a hill on his toes! There are some things that help dissuade toe walking. Shirley, Henry's PT, gave us ankle weights. And those work, but Henry has figured out how to take them off. The boy who has insisted that he "can't do it" when it comes to talking off his Velcro sneakers amazingly had the ability to take off ankle weights when he finds them annoying. Our approach to handling his toe walking has therefore been to nag him, which works, but only for a minute...then we have to nag again.

So why are we going through this evaluation if we don't think he'll qualify? Two reason. First, we want to make sure that we don't have parent goggles on (those goggles that make one's kids littlest achievements be interpreted as signs of genius). We want a real assessment of his abilities. Second, we want to establish a paper trail with the school system, so that if he does need services later, they will have all of his early intervention history on file. Alas, with preemies, it isn't unusual for problems to appear later.

Alright. It is 4:15AM. I'm going to bed.