22 Months Old Actual

On Friday afternoon, I played with Henry while Jeff addressed a work call. We dropped off Henry at my parents. We ended up celebrating our anniversary by going to see "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" (it was the movie that was playing at the right time). It wasn't a bad B comedy. We were a bit disappointed that many of the films we really wanted to see were already out of the theaters. We then ordered a pizza for take out and went to Trader Joe's before it closed. Picked up Henry and headed home. Henry took awhile to get to sleep. Jeff and I ended up watching a second movie that we had recorded on our DVR. "Juno" is an excellent film. And that was our anniversary...16 years since our first date. Not exactly the most romantic of anniversaries, but maybe we'll do a little better for our wedding anniversary (after the state home inspector leaves).

Henry was his active self at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Grandpa got bitten by Wembley (one of Erin and Brian's dogs) while he was trying to rescue one of Henry's toys from doggie destruction. It was a pretty decently deep bite, but luckily it didn't look like it would require stitches.

As today (Saturday) is the last day of February, that makes Henry 22 months old (actual).

Henry had breakfast at home. Last week, he requested "pancakes" at every meal. But he decided to reject them today. I had to work on my manuscript, so we didn't go to Joel's. I read a couple books with Henry in the morning. One was "Minnie and the Magic Grinder" (one of my favorites when I was a tot).

Jeff took Henry to the park and zoo. Jeff reported that our son is very much an extrovert. It was a beautiful day. He said that Henry had a great time running back and forth between the lion exhibit and the otter exhibit. He was a little bit scared, however, of the gibbons. Jeff got back around 1:30-2PM. One would have thought that Henry would have been exhausted. We tried to get him down for a nap for about a 1/2 hour. We gave up. Tried to get him to eat lunch while we all watched a taped Wildcats basketball game from a little earlier in the day. But no. He had other ideas.

Around 5:30PM, Jeff took Henry to my parents' for dinner. We figured that they'd have better success getting him to eat. And they did. Macaroni and cheese souffle, plus he drank three bottles. He has been saying the word "macaroni" a lot. Apparently, this evening, he told Grandma "Macaroni tomorrow," so that she'll plan ahead and have his current favorite on hand.

They returned Henry to us around 8:30PM. He had a bath. We watched some of Thomas the Tank Engine. And then it was time for bed. He is snuggling with Jeff now.

The big news for me personally is that I've decided to stop pumping. Today marked my last set of interludes with Suckie (Medela Lactina Select #974197). On Tuesday, I had a really long day at work. Wasn't able to pump. That took a huge toll on my already dwindling milk supply. I talked with Jeff about whether or not I should quit pumping or continue for the next two months. He said that he was going to suggest to me that I stop, but I think that he was glad that I brought up the idea first. On Wednesday, I only pumped twice (once in the morning, once at night). Probably pumped about 60 mls for the day. I was actually thinking that I could just pump twice a day and maybe that would be OK. Today, I pumped in the morning and got about an ounce. I tried pumping early this evening, and only pumped about 10 mls. I think that my body was telling me that it was time to stop. I went for a lovely walk as the sun was setting. And it just seemed like a fitting end. So I cleaned and packed up the pump that I've been renting from the hospital. This is the second breast pump that I've rented b/c the motor was making weird sounds on the first one a couple months ago (overuse perhaps!). In some ways, I wish that I had it in me to see Henry through to April on breast milk. Even small amounts of breast milk provide antibodies. But something would have give to increase the dwindling supply (i.e., lots more sessions per day, which would mean less time with Henry and less time on my work). In any event, I've made the decision to stop. I've done a pretty good job pumping as long as I have. And there is a sense of relief knowing that it is done.

The Long Nap

Yesterday, I had meeting at school. As I left, Henry had a meltdown between me leaving and Karina stealing the radio he was holding. She tends to take his things and be kind of grabby.

I called Project Amor to find out what had happened with Henry's OT visits and why they weren't logged into the system. According to Rosie (a supervisor), she says that Henry is approved for 12 more OT visits between now and October. So that leaves a big question mark as to why Cuyler and her Mealtimes associates noted that he wasn't approved. I'm call today to sort things out with Mealtimes.

Jeff took care of Henry after Alicia left. Alicia had taken the kids to the bedroom at 10AM as usual, but they didn't settle down until noon. Henry didn't wake up from his nap until 4:30PM...and that was because Jeff prodded him to get up.

Henry and I read several books in the afternoon. He seemed more interested in that than in going for the walk. We didn't make it outside until dusk. We ran into Hal. He told me the medical school changed their grading to a pass/fail system and got rid of the honors designation (because it made less than stellar students feel bad). Perhaps this is why doctors don't work very hard once they get into practice. They are not challenged to excel, so why change poor habits once they are practicing? They seem OK with being average (Hey, I know 70% of the information! That should be good enough!).

Henry had dinner while watching a little bit of the Wildcats (truly awful performance against WSU). We gave him a bath and took him to bed at halftime (recorded the game on the DVR). He wouldn't settle down. Jeff took him to rock in the chair, but then he started yelling for mommy. I finally told Jeff to go and eat his dinner and then we'd switch. But Henry was so upset about Jeff leaving the room that he threw up all over the carpet. Lovely.

Got up. Let Henry sit in Jeff's lap while watching the Wildcats bomb. Then, Jeff took Henry to bed (Round 2). I did some things around the house. Had to knock on the bedroom door around 1:30AM to be let into the bedroom as Jeff had put the lock on the door (so Henry wouldn't escape).

Today marks 16 years since Jeff's and my first date (blind date). So we'll be toasting BJ and Dave at dinner tonight for making the match. The tentative plan is to go to the movies and then go for a quick dinner or just appetizers and drinks. Then Jeff is going to Costco after dinner with my parents (a wild Friday night).

Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 14

Henry has been going through major separation anxiety episodes every since Alicia and Karina came back. He is having tantrums that are just not like him.

I was feeling sick today. Still am. So I didn't go with Jeff to class tonight. Basically, he learned that being a foster parent is going to change our lives. I don't think that's exactly a newsflash. [What! Our lives will be changed?!? Oh, OK, I guess we shouldn't do it then.] Neither of us expects that it will be easy. And we frankly don't know how long we'll do foster care. But we know that someone needs to step up. Some situations require more than mailing a check to charity. Money often isn't the answer. People power is. I'll have to make up tonight's class some time in the next few weeks.

Henry ate a lot at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Jeff went through a series of questions with him on politicians. He even knows Kyl now! Who is the President? Obama. Who is the Veep? Joe Biden. Who is the Secretary of Veterans Affairs? Shinseki. Who is the Senator? Kyl.

When they came home, Henry was wide awake. He managed to turn off my laptop. After looking at some 0-tube together (Pooh's Lullabee), he was ready for bed. He's snuggled against Jeff now. Jeff has to get up and do some work. We'll see if it is possible for him to extract himself from Henry.

In other news, my co-authored book with Hardy and Jamieson is now under contract with Oxford University Press. The contract is in the mail. That's good news. Just wish I felt physically better to savor the moment. Alas, I'm sick, and I still have piles of work to do.

That's it from the Wild Kingdom. Until tomorrow...

Shapes

Henry woke up very upset Tuesday morning when Jeff attempted to get out of bed. He had a full meltdown. Alicia and Karina returned today. When I tried to walk past the kitchen to get to the garage, I said goodbye b/c Henry saw me. Another full meltdown. Alicia tried to distract him by going through shapes. It sounds like Henry knows circle, square, triangle, and star.

Jeff and Henry spent the afternoon reading and playing.

I didn't get home until 7PM. Had to stop by the grocery store on the way back from school.

I made Henry pierogies from TJ's. Henry ate a bunch of other stuff that Jeff gave him too.

He was obviously a very tired little boy. So he had a bath, we looked at "pics," and it was off to bed. Made me sad not to get to spend much time with him today. But that's pretty much going to be the week as I have a couple deadlines to meet by week's end. :(

Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 13

Henry and I spent the morning looking at pics, reading books, and spreading birdseed in the backyard. We took a long nap. Got up around 2PM or so. Had lunch. Henry went on a walk with Jeff and the dogs, while I got ready. Headed over to the Grandparents' house. Then, off to foster training.

Tonight's training was our last Monday night class. A behavioral therapist from the Mesa office ran tonight's session. We basically discussed a range of behaviors that could appear, the difference between age appropriate issues (e.g., temper tantrums in a 2 year old) vs. not appropriate behaviors that require specialists (too many to list), and the Honeymoon period (where the child sometimes is a the model child for 1-2 months and then lets loose once s/he feels secure enough to express his or her true feelings). In all honesty, tonight wasn't a big selling point for trying to induce people to become foster parents.

Henry was an "angel" according to Grammy. He ate a lot. Turkey, ham, Yo-baby, banana, some kind of cheese souffle. Jeff told Poppy how he'd been trying to teach Henry the name "Kyl." We are trying to counterbalance Henry's penchant for Democratic names. If you ask Henry to say the name "Kyl," he'll respond with the name "Fogg." Kyle Fogg is a brilliant, quick, fun-to-watch, freshman guard for the Wildcats.

Nothing else to report. I'm signing off to do data analysis at midnight (because when else I am going to find the time). I still feel yucky.

Circle and the Veep

On Sunday, Henry and Jeff played in the morning. Around 10:45AM, Henry and Jeff went to take a nap. That lasted until 2:15PM. We postponed our trip to Picture Rocks b/c my parents came down with flu. Around 3:15PM, we headed out the door. Jeff dropped me off at school so that I could go through graduate applications. His plan was to take Henry to the zoo, but it turned out the zoo closes at 4PM. They went to the pond at Reid Park instead. A family shared their bread with Henry to give to the ducks. Then, Jeff and Henry played in front of the Communication Bldg for awhile. Then, we went to get dinner at a fast food Indian place.

When we came home, Henry had a bath. I drew a circle with one of the bathtub crayons, and Henry said "circle" (unprompted). We don't recall having used the word "circle" for a long time. I've used it in reference to the shape sorter, but that hasn't been used in a long, long time.

Today, I told Henry that Joe Biden was the Veep. Still can't convince him that Obama's not the Secretary of Veterans Affairs as well as President.



After the bath, we watched Thomas the Tank Engine and then Henry went to bed.

Alicia called last night. She is sick with flu. Karina was sick all weekend. They thought she was over it but then started vomiting again. So, I think that we can expect to be on our own again this week.

I'm pretty sure that I'm coming down with it too. I don't feel right, but Jeff can't take anymore time off work so I'm watching Henry today. Hopefully, he'll take a long nap so I can too.

OT Services Cut

On Friday morning, Alicia returned to work with Karina. The house was a lot louder in the morning. I went to school. Apparently, Henry still had some digestion problems, so Karina's dad picked her up. Alicia stayed until 3PM. Jeff took care of Henry in the afternoon. I got home with dinner from Sinbad's around 6:30-6:45PM. The boys were asleep. Apparently, Henry crashed after the dog walk at 5:45PM. He slept for 12 hours straight.

On Saturday morning, Henry got up at 5:45AM. He had some pancake. We took him to the Grandparents' house at 8AM because we had to go across town for our CPR/First Aid certification. It lasted until 3:30PM. Alison, our family specialist, was the trainer. She did a good job. We feel much more comfortable about some of the CPR instruction, which we had received initially from UMC before Henry left the hospital, which is good. I was happy with the class. It was about half the size of our Monday night DDD class (about 10 people total today). Jeff was a hit with the other members of the class when it came to role play. But he was chastised by Alison for his claiming to be Dr. Mark Greene when asking me if I gave my permission for him to attend to my wounds. False credentials.

Jeff dropped me back at the house after class. Then, he went to Children's Orchard and Trader Joe's before picking up Henry. In his absence, Cuyler called to cancel Henry's Monday appointment. Henry is supposed to receive OT evaluations every three months. But apparently, his early intervention developmental coordinator did not enter that into his record (and didn't tell us), so he won't be receiving those services. The state has put a freeze on "new" services; because Henry isn't in the system (again, thank you EI coordinator for the error), any service that he receives from Cuyler (who has known him since he was 2.5 months adjusted) would be considered new. There is a freeze on the computer system, so the error can't be corrected. Yes, we could fight it. By the time it would get sorted out, he'd be outside the span of early interventions age 0-3 range. Sigh.

We think that Henry is doing very well. But the literature is clear about preemies and problems appearing later, our son needs to be monitored. And, honestly, we have a couple concerns about his development. He has some subtle issues, but I don't want them to become big issues. And the point of EI is to catch things early.

I know that my mom thinks that Henry is the best thing ever (and he is) and that he is super smart (and he is). To quote Grandma, "He couldn't be any smarter for an 18 month old." So why am I looking for problems? The bottom line is that I know the literature. Henry has defied expectations that the literature would predict (of course there are always outliers in just about every situation), but I can't stress enough THAT PROBLEMS IN PREEMIES OFTEN APPEAR LATER. Our job as parents is to make sure that we head those problems off at the pass if we can. Honestly, if Henry stays on the same developmental trajectory that he is on, he will in all likelihood be a genius. And we have wondered whether we challenge him enough cognitively. We are very interactive, but we don't have a set teaching agenda (other than trying to teach him that Shinseki is the Secretary of Veterans Affairs). But again, see my previously capped, bolded, and italicized statement for my concern.

My father has said from the beginning that Henry was going to be great (and he is great) and that he had faith that Henry would be fine. I certainly hoped that he would be. Lord knows I prayed for it and continue to pray everyday for the health of my son. But I didn't know that he would live. I didn't know that he would thrive. And frankly, there were several problems that I caught well before the doctors or nurses did. Should I have not read and researched and just relied on faith because it was all destined to turn out well in the end anyway? I cannot say what would have happened but for me catching problems early. I can say that I'm surprised at how much doctors don't know and how many (not all) of them don't seem to be intellectually curious about preemies in general or about the functioning of the inner workings of their patients as individuals or just don't have the time to be so. Why did I catch the problems before the doctors? Because I learned my lesson about taking things for granted when I realized that my OB was incompetent and put my life and Henry's life in danger. I have no intentions of making that same mistake twice. And at some level, doesn't God help those who help themselves?

So what are Jeff and I concerned about? Some sensory issues. Mild ones to be sure. We know that when Henry walks, he isn't as comfortable swinging his right arm. He holds it close to his body. His left arm is able to swing freely. He certainly has the ability to use both sides, and he is able to put weight on both arms. I've mentioned that he is sensitive about his hands. I don't know if I mentioned how he has to stick his hands under something to order to relax and fall asleep. He's been doing that for a long while. I'm guessing that he started it around 9 months adjusted or so. When he sleeps with us, he'll often try to slide his hands under our arms or sides (we definitely know when his nails need to be cut). There is some kind of relationship between his ability to relax and having some pressure on the tops of his hands. Lately, we've let him slide his hands under pillows, which sometimes provide the same comfort for him. Is this a life-threatening issue? No. But we'd like to aim higher in our aspirations than mere survival. We just want to make sure that he has the highest quality of life possible. The research clearly shows the benefits of addressing developmental issues early.

We might be able to get a referral for a couple OT evaluations from his pediatrician. The insurance companies are not particularly good about providing for developmental therapies. The other possibility is to wait until April when Henry has his visit with the neurologist. A referral from her would go a long way, I suspect. I asked Cuyler about us paying out of pocket. The cost right now is $180. But she said that they are going to meet this week to discuss their prices and see if it is possible for them to stay open and lower their prices for families who are paying out of pocket. $180/visit would certainly hurt us a bit financially, especially with Jeff's salary already being reduced by 10% and my salary being reduced 5% (via mandatory furlough days). But we obviously will do whatever Henry needs.

The state cuts are going to be felt in the foster care system. Even "normal" foster kids often need therapy. In addition, CPS isn't going to be investigating as many child abuse and neglect cases. Plus, the funds for foster child care (e.g., money for diapers, clothes, and personal items) is being severely cut. Diaper fund is being cut by 50%. Personal items allowance is being eradicated completely. Clothing allowance is being reduced too, but I can't remember by how much. It wasn't like great sums of money were given as it was. So either kids will go without, or foster parents will carry the cost burden (in addition to their time and effort, which as I explained before, is NOT compensated with funds). That's a lot to ask of people who are taking care of kids not their own legally, kids who often have problems, kid who often go back to their biological families. It is in essence asking average citizens to act as state sub-contractors without compensation.

What does that mean for Jeff and me becoming foster parents? Well, it hasn't changed our desire to become foster parents. We recognize how fortunate we have been with Henry. We were helped immensely by our son's EIP. I strongly believe that it was Cuyler's feeding instructions during that first session with her that prevented Henry from becoming a FTT case. Her feeding tips also averted him having "typical" preemie oral aversions. She was also the one who diagnosed his torticollis at 2.5 months adjusted (which caused his motor skills to be rated at a 1 month level during the evaluation) and gave us exercises, which helped the torticollis resolve within a month. Consequently, we feel compelled to "pay it forward" as they say. I've already been trying to "pay it forward" by being active in a preemie parent forum. I'm pretty good at asking questions and helping new preemie parents generate questions about their children's care and whom to ask. Fostering is also a way to "pay it forward." We would buy any foster child the same number of clothes and same quality as we buy Henry. We certainly won't be changing diapers 50% less to any child we are fostering. But I do wonder how other foster parents are going to do it. My impression is that our classmates aren't exactly rolling in the dough. I haven't noticed anyone wear fancy jewelry, $1000 outfits, or Rolexes. The situation is going to be really bad for the foster system in general if some of these lower-middle range income families can't get some assistance for basic needs.

Henry had an active day with Grandma and Grandpa. They reported that he only slept 10 minutes in the morning, during the drive to Carolyn's old house. He had Wendy's for lunch. But he refused hamburger and bun. He wanted the fries. Unfortunately, he ended up throwing them up. While Grammy ran to the kitchen to get towels to clean him up, he started eating the fries that he hadn't eaten yet. He also had some issues on his other end. In short, he is still sick.

When he came home, I was returning from the walk with the dogs. I was walking with Hal, Luke, and Annie. Henry ran to give me a hug and Annie managed to get in-between us just in time. So Henry and I made an Annie sandwich. She also gave him kisses to his delight. He had some pancake and then a bath. Speaking of baths, I forgot to mention that the other night, he showed us that he knows the letter "O." I had the alphabet written out in bathtub crayon along the side of the tub. He looked at it. Pointed to the letter "O" and said "O" (completely unprompted). Why "O"? I have no idea. I would have thought he would have started with A-B-C.

We watched a little bit of Thomas the Tank Engine clips. Fascinating show in some ways. "Usefulness" is one of the values touted in the series, which obviously reveals that it isn't American made.

Henry is asleep in bed now. Our plan for tomorrow is going to the zoo. Henry is having trouble eating, but he is still active and alert. The weather today was lovely. Maybe the fresh air will do him some good. Then, we'll head over to Grandma and Grandpa's house and then go to Picture Rocks. Tomorrow is Meagan's Day. My sister Meagan would have been 27 years old tomorrow had she lived.

Henry's Recovering

On Thursday, Henry and I spent the day together. I pretty much let him do whatever he wanted. He had a little breakfast. Not much. He had a good time playing with his food however and managed to balance his Nemo plate on his head with no hands after dumping all of his breakfast onto his tray. His hair was a little greasy after that, so I ended up giving him a bath in the morning.

His big accomplishment of the morning was managing to climb into his high chair unassisted. It was impressive. He also had a little bit of milk and didn't throw it up.

His nose was still running. He took his nap using his Tempur-Pedic pillow (formerly Jeff's pillow) as a cushion under his chest so that his head dropped off the edge hanging down. For whatever reason, this position seemed to help him breath more easily than any other while sleeping.

When he woke up from his nap, he announced that he wanted "pancakes." He was very insistent about it. So I made him pancakes. I haven't made them in a couple years, but luckily they are relatively "Kate proof" as my mom would say. He ate 1.5 pancakes (made quite thin) and had a couple bites of hashbrown. He was very insistent about having milk so I gave him some. Luckily, it stayed down.

Later in the afternoon, my mom picked up Henry so that he could have dinner with her and Grandpa. That way, I could try to get a couple things done around here.

He was a bit dirty upon his return from the Grandparents' house, so he ended up getting another bath when he came home. Looked at some pics and then fell asleep with Daddy, which is where he is now. Jeff was going to get up after putting him down, but Henry's snuggle charm is keeping him from getting up.

Jeff called Alicia before he took Henry to bed and said that we think he'll be OK for her to return to work tomorrow.

Signing off.

Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 12

Jeff and I debated not going to foster/adoption training tonight b/c of Henry being sick. But Grandma pointed out that she has had plenty of experience taking care of vomit and could handle it. Henry only had one small episode when we got back from Dr. Bianchi's office. The biggest thing is that we still aren't giving him goat's milk, although we ended up giving him about 50 mls of breast milk in the late afternoon to see if he could stomach it. He did.

I think that we were on class number 12 tonight for our foster/adoption training. Phyllis was back as our trainer. We had a good class on "disruption" and what the circumstances that would merit a "disruption" (meaning a removal of a child from a foster home). Basically, the agency doesn't want foster families "shopping" for kids. If a family just doesn't want to deal with a child anymore, then the family won't be asked to foster anymore UNLESS the "returned" child is causing a safety problem for the family. If the child is clearly causing problems, there should be a paper trail of "incident" reports leading up to the request for removal. Why? Because every time a child is removed for a home, it isn't good for the child's sense of worth. It is harmful to their psyche. It tells them that they are unwanted, and it is all their fault. So again, it is much better for us to refuse a child's initial placement than it is to "try on" the child for fit. We also went over scenarios that would merit incident reports after the child comes back to the foster home from a biological home visit. Saw a video of a foster mother and a biological mother being interviewed. We discussed the video as a class. I think that our class uniformly agreed that the biological mother didn't seem quite right (drug mom), but the ever-so-attentive justice system decided that she was ready to have her biological kids back. Oddly, even though the state does home inspections for foster parents, they don't appear to do the same home inspections for biological parents wanting their children back. Does that make sense?

Henry was sound asleep on Grammy when we arrived to pick him up. He'd been asleep since 8PM. Grandpa taught Henry to say the word "Kyl" in response to the question "Who is your U.S. Senator?" because he wants to keep Henry's politicians list ideologically balanced. Henry also read books and had a few bites of mashed potatoes.

I'm going to stay home with Henry tomorrow. And what of my work? Guess I'll be staying up late for the next two weeks to try to crawl out from under the very deep hole that I'm in. Alright. I'm signing off.

O-tube

On Monday night, I was trying to find a different Elmo clip to show Henry, so we ended up on YouTube.com. Henry was saying the word "tube," and we finally figured out that he was referencing YouTube.

That set the stage for Tuesday when Henry asked for "O-tube" all day long (how YouTube become o-tube is a mystery...we are just a vowel off). Jeff called Alicia and canceled b/c Henry was sick. He took the day off work, and I ran around and did some necessary errands for our home inspection (e.g., getting our dog licenses renewed, finding the insurance cards, etc.). Alison, our family specialist, stopped by for yet another home inspection. Our state inspection is scheduled for March 10 at 3PM. It looks like we are good to go, except for needing the lock on my study window fixed. Alison really likes Henry (of course who doesn't?). She's setting our screen to be a bit wider for the state license (0 to 6) so that as the child ages, we won't break out of our license parameters. But the agency knows that we are interested in 0 to 4 and they know our reasons as well.

I posted the "Who is the President?" clip to my FaceBook profile. One of our old college friends directed us to ask Henry who the Secretary of Veterans Affairs was. So I, of course, tried to get a good clip of Henry saying "Shinseki." It is still a work in progress.



Henry had a lot of fun during his bath in the evening. He's becoming really good at making huge splashes, which cover the floor in water. After his bath, we went to my office for some "o-tube."

At 4AM, I woke up because Henry was making some awful sounds. He ended up vomiting all over me and the bed. And it wasn't a little throw up...it was massive. Jeff changed him. I stripped the bed and mattress cover. Laid down a bunch of towels to serve as the temporary mattress cover and put down a new sheet. We laid down. And blach...another round of vomit. Poor Henry kept saying that he wanted to go to bed, but we had to change him again and get new sheets. He vomited again, but luckily, Dada took the brunt of the spew. We headed to the bathroom, turned up the hot water, and closed the door. I don't know if it helped much. We then looked at pics because Henry wasn't in the sleeping mood. He vomited a couple times while we looked at pics. Jeff later gave him breakfast; it didn't stay down. So we took Henry to the doctor's office at 11AM. Our concern was Henry's lungs. The bad news is that he's lost some weight. The good news is that his lung were clear. Dr. Bianchi thinks that it is stomach flu. So Henry is on Pedialyte.

We came home. Henry took a long nap in Jeff's arms. When he got up from his nap, he wanted to play on the Pony. We are letting him do whatever he wants today. As he was counting along with the fences jumped by the Pony on the videogame, he game across the number 3. Upon seeing the number three, he said "Da-Hoh!" Glad the three-point cheer has stuck in his memory. Very useful information as a Wildcat fan.

Who Is the President?

I took care of Henry this morning. We played on the Pony. I spent several minutes this morning looking for Henry's shoes so that we could go outside. They were in the living room. I went to get my shoes. Henry followed me. Went back to the living room and one was missing. I ran back to the bedroom and found that Henry had left it on the floor. Got back to the living room and the other shoe was missing. I looked all over the house and couldn't find it. Finally found it in the kitchen sink floating in the skillet that was soaking. Later learned from Jeff that Henry been throwing things in the skin lately, and he says the word "sink." Good to know. Guess it is also good that Jeff installed toilet locks yesterday.

We went outside. Henry knows the phrase "Come on" (as in follow me). Cuyler called in the morning to reschedule our appointment for the afternoon, but Jeff told her that we were sick, so we're on her schedule for next week at 2PM. Both Henry and I have full blown colds. Henry took at 1.5 hour nap. I got up after 30 minutes b/c as much as I wanted to nap, I had some work to do.

Jeff took care of Henry in the afternoon. He'd been up since 3:30AM taking care of computer stuff. I came out to the kitchen after my conference call. Jeff asked me if I had asked the question "Who is the President?" I thought he was referring to the Annenberg survey. I said no. He then turns to Henry and says "Who is the President?" Henry says "Obama." I hadn't been asking Henry that question either. It was too good to pass up so I ran, got the camera, and caught it on tape.



Henry ran Jeff ragged in the afternoon. His new phrase is "Rock 'N Roll." They later went out for a bike ride.



Then Jeff took Henry to the grandparents' house for dinner b/c Grammy was making salmon croquettes. Grammy and Poppy brought Henry back a little earlier than usual so that we could give him a bath. He had a good time drawing on his head with a red bathtub crayon. We looked at "pics" and then he and Jeff went to bed. I'm up redoing some charts now. I really want to go to bed and sleep this cold off.

"Da-Hoh! Johnson For 3!"

During Henry's nap yesterday, I went to the store. I bought him a Valentine's Day balloon (the non-latex kind). He loves it. When he got up from his nap, he and Dada watched the Wildcats vs. UCLA. It was a big game. The Wildcat were on fire. Henry copies everything that Jeff says. Consequently, "Da-Hoh!" is the new phrase of the day. He even copied saying "Johnson for 3!" as in Zane Johnson, one of the UA guards.

He repeated some of the phrases today. Here's a short clip of what he's been saying...




We spent a good part of yesterday afternoon looking for our dumb dogs who ran off and ignored Jeff who was calling for them. Jeff got ahold of Marley several minutes later. Rounding up Roger took about 1.5 hours. Frustrating b/c I needed the afternoon to get work done, so I'm going to be stressed and swamped this week. I have several upcoming hard deadlines, and I had hoped to get things done in advance. Henry had fun with us looking for Roger. We had Henry between us and he got to swing while he held his hands. Henry went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house yesterday in the last afternoon so that Jeff and I could spend a romantic evening getting the house ready for the visit from our family specialist on Tuesday. We went through receipts, and I got the scanner working so that I could scan some documents and then get rid of the hard copies.

Jeff had to work this morning, so it was just me and the Doodle Bug. Henry started stirring around 8AM. He had his morning "bot" right next to me on the couch while we looked at the Little Duck book. He wanted to play on the Pony before breakfast. We basically played around the living room. Practiced rolling around on the floor. Shirley (PT) recommended that we practice jumping off something fairly low to the ground to get the idea of jumping down at her last visit. I pulled out "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" (one of the longer Harry Potter books) for Henry to practice on. I tried to put Henry down for a nap at 10:30AM. It was a struggle. Finally got him to relax some time between 11:30-noon. I fell asleep with him. We didn't get up until shortly before 2:30PM. Grandma and Grandpa came over to take Henry shopping. He was due for some new pants. Then, he went over to their house for dinner. Jeff installed new magnetic locks on some of the cabinets (per required standards for the state inspection). We watched "Fred Claus"; it has been awhile since we've seen a movie.

Other Henry tidbits that I keep forgetting to mention...
(1) Henry has been nodding this past week, which is a new development. He doesn't say "yes," but he will say "OK." He nods when he says "OK."
(2) He has picked up the word "under" from the Pony video game. There's one setting where the dog plays on the playground and goes under the bridge. So Henry will go under his slide and inform me that he is "under."
(3) Henry is getting quite independent. I asked him the other day if I could give him a kiss, and he said "no." He will, however, give me kisses if he thinks that will lead to him looking at pictures on the computer. Every night after bath time, he makes his usual request for "pics...peeease." I ask him for a kiss, and he gives me one. Then says "please" again. The boy knows how to soften me up.

That's about it. Cuyler is coming tomorrow, so we Alicia last week that we wouldn't be needing any help.

"So Big!"

Henry woke up at 7:30AM on the dot. We sometimes wish he'd recognize that it's the weekend and sleep in! He chased Bitsy around the bedroom with his purple balloon (he can say the word "balloon" of course). Jeff made pancakes. Henry had a few bites of pancake and turkey and ate most of his hash brown patty as usual.

We went for a walk with the dogs. Visited Outlaw and Dakota who were being prepared for their rides with Nick and Janice. Saw Brandi. Henry showed me the "6" on one of the neighbors' street address signs that's in tile near their driveway. He also pointed out the "road" and "STOP" sign at the end of our street. For whatever reason, he decided to lay in the dirt and gravel of the road and told Jeff "lean back" when he decided to lay down. After that, he ended up in the wagon.

We came back home. Henry played with his Pony, which is his new obsession. I prefer that to the "pics" on the computer. He has fun with the cause-effect of the Pony video game. Here he is on his Pony:



He is now taking a nap. I'm going to head to the store.

Sniffles

Henry had the sniffles this morning. His nose kept running and running, so Alicia called her husband and had him pick up Karina. It was a quiet day around the house. In the afternoon, we spent some time together as a family. Henry wanted to play with some CD cases. Jeff gave him a couple. One was entitled "Baby Moving." Jeff's pretty sure that Henry looked at it and said "Baby Moving" or something that sounded like it. Jeff hadn't told him the title of the CD, so that contributes to our theory that Henry can read even though we haven't taught him his letters yet. I know, I know. It sounds like a crazy idea.


We went outside. I brushed the dogs using our Fur-manator. Created a fur storm in the backyard. I brushed our dogs yesterday. You wouldn't have guessed it by the amount that I got off them today. Then, Henry and I spread some bird seed around the desert. We went inside. Played with the Pony (whom we named Jezebel). Henry climbed the cat tree. He got up to the third level at one point. Here's video of him climbing to the second level:



Jeff had gotten up at 2:30AM to finish watching the Wildcats vs. USC game. He decided not to go back to bed, so he was very tired. While he took a nap in the afternoon, Henry and I stopped by the bank's drive through and then picked up a few things at Trader Joe's. A nice man named Tim gave Henry a balloon.

We came home. Woke Jeff up. Jeff fed Henry some dinner, while I walked the dogs in almost darkness. We gave Henry a bath at his request after dinner. Watched some pics. Henry wasn't tired, so we returned to the living room. I read aloud from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" (100 pages left!), which put Henry and Jeff to sleep on the floor. Got them to move into the bedroom where they remain fast asleep.

"Try Me"

Yesterday, I decided to stop working around 2:45PM and let Alicia go home a little early. I felt like I haven't been spending enough time with the Doodle Bug, especially with our Monday and Wednesday evenings taken up with class. Henry was very cute about his Pony. He really loves selecting which game he wants to play.




We went for a family walk in the evening. Ran into Swanee. Henry saw her and called out her name several times, which made her smile. Henry also saw Luke and Annie. At one point, Annie disappeared so Henry helped Swanee out by shouting Annie's name. It was very cute.









Don't know what got into Jeff. Before Christmas, I said that I thought we should get a Wii. He wasn't enthusiastic. I guess seeing Henry interested in the Pony video game must have sparked something, because he asked me if I thought we should still get a Wii. We have a lot of Best Buy gift cards from family going back to our birthdays and Christmas. Wouldn't want those to go to waste, right? I think that Jeff likes the idea of Henry and him playing Wii golf together. How long before Henry sends a Wii controller right through our big screen TV? We'll have to tape it onto him or something. Anyway, we decided to go to Best Buy last night. It will be our Valentine's Day gift to ourselves (nothing says "I Love You" like a videogame console).

We went to Jason's Deli for dinner. In terms of Henry eating, it was a disaster. He spent a good deal of time flirting with a gal who was probably not more than a year older than he. He got mad when I wouldn't let him have my iced tea (no caffeine for the Doodle Bug until he is older). He wanted the toothpicks holding my sandwich together. He wanted to play with my vegetable soup. I ended up letting him. He got a couple spoonfuls in but most ended up on his bib. He refused most of his spaghetti and meatballs but decided to put some spaghetti in the yogurt sauce for my fruit. That experience left us feeling very frustrated. Why won't he eat for us? Maybe Grandpa needs to come over and feed him every night.

We then headed to Best Buy. There was a nearby Walmart. I suggested that we make a quick visit to pick up some Valentine's Day cards. A big concession for me b/c I think that Walmart is going to be the downfall of America (see jibjab.com for Boxmart parody that explains what's wrong with Walmart). I haven't been in a Walmart in years. Being in there 30 seconds reminded me why. It was chaos in there. And I regretted the decision to take Henry inside. Too many people. What was all of central Tucson doing in Walmart on a Thursday night, I ask? We have taken Henry out during RSV season in part b/c the RSV rates are very low in our area. But we avoid crowds. Walmart is just bad news. We then went to Best Buy which was almost empty. So empty that we couldn't find an employee to help us determine if they had any Wii's in the back. We left empty handed.

We then made a quick stop to Babies R Us. Jeff had bought some magnetic baby locks from Target a couple weeks ago. But the locks didn't come with keys. And there was no large lettering to suggest that additional pieces were needed.

Henry had a fabulous time at Babies R Us. He ran up and down the long aisles. Hardly anyone was there. He found an Elmo blanket that he picked up and carried around the store. He informed me that he was "shopping." We pulled out some chairs for him to try. One was an Elmo chair. But he wanted to hug it rather than sit on it. We also pulled out a Thomas the Tank Engine couch. He liked that too. He calls Thomas "Tommy!" And I pulled down a couple wood chairs for him to try. We are thinking of buying him a table and chair set b/c he's shown more interest in coloring as of late. He was sitting on one of the wood chairs and said "tryme." Was he trying to say "Tommy" which he normally says well? He repeated himself several times "tryme, tryme, tryme." Jeff said, "Is he saying 'Try Me'?" I said, "I don't know. Why?" Then Jeff points to a tag on the Thomas the Tank Engine couch that says "Try Me." The situation was just kind of odd. Just last weekend, Jeff was wondering whether Henry was reading some of the titles on his Story Book Reader books. I know. It sounds crazy. Guess you had to be there.

After trying chairs, Henry found the toy section. He absolutely loved this sing along toy. I would have gotten it for him but the box was ripped and taped together. He returned to that toy several times. We found Daddy in the clothes section. Henry and I played hide and seek around the racks. I'd chase Henry and then say "Gotcha!" So he then started chasing me and saying "Gotcha!"

The ladies at the check out oooh'd and aaah'd over Henry. They were impressed with his articulation for his age.

He fell asleep in the car ride on the way home. He woke up after I put him in bed. Insisted on looking at pics (as per our ritual) and then was willing to go to bed.

18 Months Old Adjusted!

On Tuesday afternoon, I pulled out some foam blocks from Christmas, hoping that Henry would be ready for them. Unfortunately, his need to chew on everything suggests that it will be another couple months before we can leave the blocks with him unattended.



Jeff pulled out the Pony. I bought the Pony a couple months ago. It can be used in conjunction with a video system for the TV. When baby jumps on the pony, things happen on the TV screen. We played with it maybe twice when we first got it, but Henry didn't get the cause-effect part, so we let it collect dusk in the area formerly known as the "bar area." Now it is the Henry toy storage zone. My how things change!

In the evening, Jeff gave Henry a bath. What's the difference between Mommy giving a bath and Daddy giving a bath? Well, as shown in Exhibit A, when Daddy gives bathes, apparently it becomes OK to bring the golf clubs into the tub with you!










Today (Wednesday), Henry turned 18 months adjusted! How's Henry doing for an 18 month old?

Speech: Verbally, he is incredibly advanced. Even if we didn't adjust for his age, he'd be considered very advanced. He probably can say and knows the meaning of 110+ words, probably more. Every day, it is a new word or several words that we didn't know that he knew. Last night, it was "shampoo." One of us said something like, "Let's wash your hair." Handed him the shampoo/body wash bottle. Henry said, "Shampoo."
Fine motor skills: I don't know. I'd guess about average for a boy. Cuyler called yesterday. She's going to visit us on Monday and do an OT evaluation.
Gross motor skills: He's doing very well. Still concerned about the toe walking, of course, but all in all, he's doing great.

This afternoon, Jeff brought out the Pony after Karina and Alicia left. Here's a clip of Henry demonstrating his understanding of the video system...




We had our foster/adopt class tonight. Barbara, the foster parent trainer, ran the class tonight. It was a good session. The gal who sits next to me (I'll refer to her as G) brought pictures of her mom's foster kids over the years. It was very nice to see. The more I talk with G, the more I like her. She strikes me as a person who a good heart.

Tonight, we discussed culture. The basic idea was that as a foster parent, one may be deal with children who are from different cultures than one's own. It is the hope of the agency that foster parents will be sensitive to the needs of the foster kids and keep them in touch with their culture to the best of one's abilities. I asked if the agency gives preference for matching foster parents to children from a similar culture. They looked kind of surprised that I'd ask that question. Apparently, they don't think that they are legally allowed to disclose race unless someone asks about it. I think that most people in the class have a "color doesn't matter" vision. While I hope that color doesn't matter, I'm reading studies that say it "does" matter to the children. And that's of course more important than what we future foster parents want. Basically, kids are getting thrown into different households. When they go to school, they may not want a visual sign to their peers that they are living lives that aren't typical. They may not want their peers to know that they are foster kids. If parents don't "look" like the foster kids, their peers will be more prone to ask questions that the foster kids find uncomfortable.

"How come your mom's skin is a different color?"
"That can't be your real dad. Why are you living with those people?"
"What happened to your 'real' parents?"
Etc.

As I've said before, we aren't putting racial/ethnic parameters on our screen. But I think that the agency and CPS should realize that all else being equal, placing a child with foster parents who look like them might be easier on the child. I suspect that if we get a child or sibling group who are of a different race or ethnicity, we'll probably be able to handle issues as well as anybody. But to take the approach that culture or racial/ethnic background doesn't matter at all strikes me as naive.

We wrote letters to future birth parents telling them about us and how we plan to raise our children and foster children. Barbara said that the letter will probably never be seen by any real birth parents. It is used to give the agency a sense of who we are. They will use it to create our profile.

When we went to pick up Henry, he didn't rush to greet us. He was too busy rolling around on the floor. Very good at it, I might add.

That's about all from here. Until tomorrow...

Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 10

Henry and I didn't make it to the zoo on Sunday. Just before we were about to leave, I got a telephone call. Fifteen minutes later, it started raining cats and dogs. We ended up running errands. Had to pick up Henry's reflux medication. Then a visit to Trader Joe's. Henry enjoyed their samples: apple juice and Indian buttered chicken. Later in the evening, we gave Henry a bath. Then pics and bed.

Today (Monday), Henry was a bear to get up in the morning. Jeff says that Henry makes the same faces that I do when he tries to get me up in the morning. I don't have a whole lot to report. In the afternoon, Henry decided to bite me on the leg when I told him that we'd look at pictures later. Completely took me by surprise. That landed him in time out. I wouldn't let him out until he answered "no" to the question "Do we bite Mommy?"

We took Henry to Grammy's house. Poppy decided to spend the evening at his office (which isn't far from their house) so as not to get Henry sick. Grammy reported that they went out into the backyard. Henry looked at the basketball hoop and said "Nic Wise...hoop." Wise is Henry's favorite Wildcat b-ball player. They looked at pictures in the study. As they headed to the door between the passageway and study, Henry sat down on the step in front of the door and told Grammy to "sit down." Grammy contemplated giving Henry a bath. She says that Henry told her that "Daddy gives me bath" when she asked him if he wanted one, so she decided not to. Of course, when Grammy told me this, I had to ask Henry who gives him bathes. He said, "Daddy." Where does that leave me? I was feeling a tad hurt.

This evening, we had our second to last DDD class as a part of our foster "training." We don't have a Monday night class next week b/c of Presidents' Day. One more Monday night the following week. Then, we just have our Wednesday night classes through mid-March. In tonight's class, a pediatric nurse glossed over a series of medical issues that can arise. She started off class by saying that it was supposed to be a three hour class but she's managed to speed through the material in an hour and a half. For this evening's class, she did it in 75 minutes. It's not like I want to spend my free time in "training," but this information does strike me as important. So when they gloss over topics like "prematurity" (something near and dear to our hearts), it feels like they are doing the training some injustice. I nearly fell out of my seat when she said that you weren't supposed to prop up babies on pillows BUT with reflux kids, you could put pillows or wedges under the mattress sheets. OK. That is certainly a "fill-in-the-blank" if I've ever heard one. No, you never put pillows under kids even if there is a crib sheet over them b/c babies can turn over and suffocate. Duh. Wedges. Only used if it is a "baby" wedge. The wedges for adults are often too soft and often pose a safety hazard to infants. Sigh. Well, we got out of class early and had dinner at Sweet Tomatoes.

Henry was on Grammy's lap when we arrived. He gave me a big smile but refused to give me a hug. He was irked that I changed his diaper before we left the house. He nearly kicked me in the face as I changed his pants. His legs are getting very long indeed.

Jeff and I are still trying to figure out the parameters of our foster screen. Should we include "drug" babies in our screen or not? Should the upper limit of our screen be age 3 or 4? If we say that we are willing to handle medically fragile children, what would the boundaries of that be? NG-tubte? Probably. G-tube? Probably. Ventilator? Not so sure. Henry is into buttons. Not sure that Henry and a vent would be a good mix. General oxygen tank (like what Henry came home on)? That I think we could do. It takes some work to turn the oxygen on those on and off. Insulin injections? I think that we could do that. My big concern is that I don't have a good touch with needles. I am not squeamish. I don't mind blood being drawn from me, but when our cat Hershel needed IV fluids and Jeff was on a work trip, I wasn't able to get the needle in him. I required Carolyn's help.

I guess that's it for now. Henry and Jeff are in bed. I'm going to do some editing before hitting the hay.

"Rough Rider"

On Friday, Jeff spent the afternoon with Henry. I had a colloquium at work and then had my conference call, which I took at school b/c of timing. I picked up Middle Eastern food from Sinbad's for dinner. Henry's taste buds are changing yet again. Now, he's decided that he doesn't like loubia, which are green beans with a kind of smokey flavor. But he was keen on the hummus and pita. He was very tired after dinner. We gave him a bath, looked at a couple pics. He put his head down on my desk, which was a sure sign that it was time for bed. We were all in bed by 9:50PM, which is incredibly unusual for everyone.

On Saturday morning, we went to Joel's Bistro. Henry didn't eat much until we let him use the fork. Suddenly, the pancakes became very interesting. We walked around campus toward my building. There are several rolling hills in the area. I showed Henry how to roll down the hill, which he did a couple times with my help. He didn't quite relax enough to make it easy. We went to my office. I wanted to show Jeff a funky issue with my floors, which were redone over the summer. They must not have used the right kind of shalack b/c there are flakes all over the area, which I discovered when swiffering my office on Friday. I set up the swiffer for Henry to play with. He decided to spot clean my floor and the hallway. It was very cute. Wish I had a camera at the time.

On the way back to the car, Henry was fascinated by a statue in front of the Arizona Historical Society. It was of John Campbell Greenway, a Rough Rider. Henry had fun saying "Rough Rider" again and again for the next 10 minutes.

We headed over to Grandma's house. Grandpa left when we arrived b/c he had a cold. We wouldn't have gone over there at all but had arranged for Shirley (PT) to come to their house in the afternoon for a reschedule. She lives in my parents' neighborhood. Erin had stopped by as well. I explained some concerns to Shirley about Henry's walking. Over the last two weeks, he started toe walking about 70-80% of the time. Prior to that, it was only occasional. Toe walking can be a sign of CP or autism (but Henry has no other signs to suggest those problems). It can also be just a form of exploring. It is generally not considered a huge problem unless they keep it up after age 3. One problem with toe walking is that it can tighten the calf muscles. Long story short, given Henry's history, I wanted to make sure Shirley was aware of what we had witnessed. Interestingly, I've noticed that he doesn't do any toe walking if he is swinging his golf clubs around. Maybe the solution is that he just needs to play more golf. Shirley mentioned that a lot of times, the toe walking is a sensory response. Preemies are of course more prone to sensory integration issues. But in Henry's case, I'm not sure that fits his profile. For one, he had no problems NOT toe walking a month ago. Would a sensory issue suddenly appear like that? And, he will let me touch and rub his feet. She's going to do some more research on it. Jeff also mentioned that Henry seems to be more loose with his arm on his right side and a little more guarded on his left. I've noticed that a little bit too. It is very subtle. You'd have to be around him a lot to notice it. She had Henry do the wheel barrow so that she could observe him using both sides. Didn't see any problems, which is good.

After Shirley's visit, we decided to head home rather than have my mom and Erin watch him. We also decided to forgo our Sunday visit to the grandparents' house until Poppy recovers from his cold. Henry was very tired as he usually takes a nap mid-morning but didn't get to. So he fell asleep in the car. I carried him to bed and took a two-hour afternoon nap with him. We got up. Henry went on a walk with Jeff and the dogs. I played with him when they got back as Jeff made spaghetti. We ate in the dinner room (second night in a row!). We did a little reading after dinner. Then Henry announced that he wanted his bath. That set in motion our usual routine. Bath, pics, bed.

This morning, Jeff and Henry took the dogs for a walk. We had breakfast. Henry and Jeff played in the living room while I read aloud from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." Henry has about 12 books for his Story Reader. He seems to know all of the books by name and can identify what's going on particular pages without prompting. He pointed to the Snack Day book and said its name. Turned a page and patted his tummy. That particular page is about Cookie Monster eating fruit and patting his tummy. Henry is also beginning to sing to songs. He likes the Thomas the Tank Engine song called "It's Great to be an Engine." He knows when to sing "puff, puff" and "all day."

Henry is taking a nap. I plan to take him to the zoo this afternoon.

Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 9

Well, the past few days have been a bit of a blur. Just very busy with projects and whatnot.

On Tuesday, nothing particularly eventful happened. Stayed home. That's about it.

On Wednesday, we had our 9th foster/adoption training session. Phylis brought us pizza b/c we are now officially halfway through the course. We had a ton of fun with everyone, but again there wasn't a lot of substance to the session. That was actually a bit frustrating b/c the topic was one of the most important to date: foster child behavior. I think that Jeff hit the nail on the head when he said that part of the problem of my expectations vs. the reality of the class has to do with the assumptions of the instructors. They started off the orientation by saying that nothing but becoming a foster parent will prepare you for being a foster parent. Basically, what that means is that they can't possibly train you for every scenario. Parenting involves some creativity and fortitude. I get that, but hey, why not present us with some common behaviors and their possible solutions. They can't possibly cover all behaviors that we might encounter, but let's at least discuss the Top 10 behavioral problems seen in foster kids. I'm hoping that we return to this topic next week with more detail because I'm craving some substance.

There is resistance to "label" behaviors, which I find problematic. As the foster parent trainer said, years ago, these would just be quirky kids rather than kids labeled with this disorder or that syndrome. OK, fine. But the bottom line is that once you have a label on something, you have a heck of a lot easier time getting therapy for the child. The reason why Henry was placed into the DDD side of early intervention was because the coordinator at the Blake Foundation (and maybe one of the other evaluators) mentioned that Henry was a FTT case (that's Failure-to-Thrive). Was he really a FTT baby? Well, we certainly tettered on the edge of that when he was in the NICU. Was he a FTT when he came home? Not exactly, but that label in conjunction with his very rough history helped us get Henry some of the therapy that really helped him and really helped us learn how to be parents for him. I truly believe that. In short, labels have their uses.

During our meeting, a family specialist shared with us one of the difficult cases on her docket. This did give us some insight into difficult behaviors. There is a sibling group. All sibling share a off again on again druggie mom. All have different fathers with rap sheets covering just about everything but murder. The children have experienced many forms of abuse and neglect. One of the fathers would tape the kids to a wall with duct tape when they were misbehaving. I can't describe the case in detail b/c it is just too disturbing.

One useful part of the meeting was that the foster parent trainer brought her son's IFSP (individual family service plan) with her. That was in response to some questions that I had about IFSPs b/c of some of the weird stuff we've encounted in filling it out with Elsa (e.g., see 11-18-08 entry for my rather flippant "I want Henry to be on track cognitively so that he won't touch venomous snakes and spiders" goal). Looking at a well-done IFSP has given us insight in how we should restructure ours. I think that the burden is really on us to create it rather than depending on the developmental coordinator. And that's OK. We can do it.

Henry was looking super cute as always when we arrived at the grandparents' house. He had a HUGE dinner: 3/4 banana, turkey, corn bread, and one and a half Yo-Baby yogurts.

On Thursday, Jeff had a doctor's appointment (meet and greet). Luckily, Dr. Hee also made time to give him a full check-up. This was important for two reasons. First, Jeff hasn't seen a doctor for a check-up since we've lived here. Come to think of it, I'm only aware of maybe two doctors visits that Jeff has gone to since we graduated from college. Second, Dr. Hee signed off on the agency's health forms. We are both required to get physicals with forms signed by a doctor saying that we are in good health in order to become foster parents. My doctor's visit is next week.

Henry and I spent some time outside. We filled the bird feeder. Walked around the desert in the backyard. Looked at cactus and said "Ouch!" At one point, we went inside. I let Henry look at "pics" on my computer while I attempted to clip his toe nails. He kept wiggling so I gave him a time out (about 10 seconds). He was very upset but recovered as soon as I picked him up.

We watched the Wildcats play Oregon St. during dinner. Jeff gets rather upset when the Wildcats do stupid things. He was yelling "Come On!" at the screen. So Henry repeated him "Come On!"

We gave Henry a bath. Henry had some advice for his favorite Wildcat player who is the point guard:




That's about it. Henry looked at pics and was ready for bed shortly after. He seems to like his night time routine of bath, pics, and bed.

"Shape Up!"

On Monday afternoon, Henry wanted to listen to "mic." I selected "Grease." If you hold Henry level with the DVD player, he'll hit the eject button without prompting. He knows that's how CDs get into the CD player. We went for our family walk. As I got ready for class, Henry and Jeff listened to "Grease." Henry learned the phrase "Shape up!" from the song "You're the one that I want." As we drove to Grammy and Poppy's house, I decided to teach Henry the phrase "Shape up, Daddy!" (a payback for "Mommy Crazy").

We had foster/adoption training (class 8). It wasn't the most substantive class on record. We went over our morning schedules and shared them with the group. The purpose had to do with learning about ourselves and how a foster child might disrupt that schedule. Jeff and I learned that Jeff is the leader of the family in the morning. Incidentally, I don't think that we really needed to go through a 45 minute exercise to "learn" that.

We also heard yet another awful foster parent story. Apparently, one of the agency's foster parents was dodging meetings with her family specialist. The foster parent was "taking care of" three foster kids in addition to her own. So the family specialist ended up doing a surprise inspection. The specialist found the kids sitting outside the house one afternoon after school. Turned out the "mother" worked until 5PM. So her biological kids and foster kids just sat outside the house for a couple hours every day until she came home. The foster children were immediately pulled from the home. Might one think that supervision is an important part of parenting, right? I am understanding of circumstances that cause parents to make arrangements for their kids to get into the house before they arrive home (the latchkey kids). And there were times when I was in sixth grade or older when I would have fit that category. But leaving young kids to sit outside for hours by themselves? In Tucson? Concerns: (a) Safety and (b) It can be very hot in the afternoons during some months. I wouldn't leave a dog outside in the Tucson heat let alone a child. The new foster mom wrote in her report that the children really smelled terrible. The first foster mom told the kids that they only needed to shower once a week. The first foster mom was, not surprisingly, never given another foster placement through the agency again. Phylis says that even though they screen, some people who shouldn't be foster parents make it through the cracks.

At the start of class, we had a visit from the Respite coordinator. Respite involves taking children into your home for a few hours or days to give foster parents a break. Foster parents may use respite for 12 hours a month for ACYF (so called "normal" foster kids) placements and 40 hours a month for CDH (children with known disabilities) placements. Jeff and I are considering doing some respite while we wait for a foster placement. It's a good way to get to know the kinds of kids who are in the system and a good way to provide community service. The respite provider warned us that it isn't appropriate to use respite as a way of excluding the foster chidlren from family activities (e.g., vacations, holidays). After all, the point of foster care is to provide the children with a family, which means including them.

Henry was up and about when we arrived at Grammy's house. He'd had a large dinner. He is saying the word "Grandma" clearly. I think that Jeff had discovered that the day before when Henry was looking at the telephone. Henry showed us how he can bounce up and down on his horse. He played the piano (and said "piano" clearly).

On a side note, while we were in the car at one point, I asked Henry if I could kiss his toes, something I've been doing since he came home, trying to desensitive his feet, which is commonly a touchy area for preemies who have been stuck numerous times in the heal for blood tests. Anyway, I said, "Henry, may I kiss your toes?" His response: "No, no" as he shook his head side to side. I decided to respect his "no, no" declaration...although I confess that I kiss his head w/o consent when he is sound asleep.

"Mommy Crazy"

On Saturday, we stayed at home. Jeff and Henry had breakfast together, while I slept in. Grandpa visited in the afternoon. They played a lot outside. We went for our usual walk in the evening. Henry was incredibly friendly with two of our neighbors who were out walking. Tim gave Henry a high-five. We ran into Hal, Luke, and Annie. Annie and Roger nearly ran Henry over while they were playing. After dinner, I set up Henry at the top of the steps leading into the living room with his golf club. I used a series of balls from the ball pit. And then Henry hit the balls into the living room...his own private driving range. He managed to hit one of the balls right at me. Jeff is quite the proud father when it comes to Henry's golf swing. He is able to hit the balls farther and farther. Sometimes, he takes just about a full swing. I suspect that one of these days, Henry is going to crack a window. Proud Dada probably wont' care...as long as the disaster is done in the name of golf practice, that is.

This morning (Sunday), we went to Joel's Bistro. Henry had pancakes and potatoes. He flirted with a woman about 15 feet away at another table. Waved at her, smiled, and blew her kisses. At the end of the meal, Henry looked at me, smiled, and said "Mommy crazy." I was a bit stunned. The words were articulate. Jeff thought that it was hilarious. Makes me wonder what Jeff and my parents are saying behind my back. Jeff thinks that it is a play off of "Bitsy's crazy!", a common phrase in our household. We used to call her the "crack attack" cat because she gets into these moods out of the blue where she runs around the house full energy, climbs and jumps on the furniture, and then looks side-to-side in a paranoid kind of way. We stopped using the phrase several months ago, however, because we figured that it wouldn't be appropriate for Henry to be using the word "crack" (in reference to odd behaviors; "crack" as in "a crack in the pavement" is OK)...especially with CPS workers visiting the house on a regular basis once we get a foster placement.

I got Henry out of his high chair. He then perused the courtyard. He was enthralled with a mother, daughter (about 6), and son (a little younger than Henry). He met a puppy named Isabelle. Then, he ran over to the outside seating at Starbucks and approach two tables and said "Hi!" He also said "Hi!" to a couple people at Joel's. Luckily, everyone was amused and delighted by Henry.

After our UA breakfast and fish pond visit, we headed to Grandma and Grandpa's house to drop off Henry. Then, we headed home. Jeff was figuring out our nannies W-2s, and I worked on editing a manuscript. We went back to the grandparents' house for the Super Bowl. Henry had an accident in the kitchen. While Grandma was getting the ham out of the oven, Henry touched the inside of it. I was in the studio when this happened. By the time I came inside, Jeff was soaking Henry's hands in cold water. Henry was not phased by the incident. His hands didn't look that red to me. I think Henry dodged a bullet. It is so hard to tell b/c of his Herculean pain threshold (which I've mentioned before is actually a problem, not a good thing).

On the way back home, I sang the alphabet song to Henry. Occasionally, he'd say the letters as I reached them. He knew P before I said it, S, and X. Then we wanted to hear the song "A-gin" (again). I sang it several times.

Henry was wide awake when we got home but I took him straight to bed. He sat bolt upright and called out for Podgie and Mar-Dee. He didn't want to nap w/o them. Then he wanted Dada. Dada and Henry are asleep now.