"Driving...my turn."

When Jeff returned from his shopping excursion yesterday, he found some interesting choices in beds. The most interesting is to work with one store and custom design beds for the children. He has some neat ideas in mind. The drawback is the expense and knowledge that Henry will probably be very hard on whatever bed we choose. That lead Jeff to do investigation of toddler beds to get us through the next couple years. We could get a Sponge Bob bed that would probably excite Henry. We are thinking about an Elmo bed for Miss R. We figure that the bed should probably be somewhat androgynous in the event that Miss R doesn't stay with us permanently, and we get another placement who is male. We didn't want to go the typical generic route on beds, but we think that's probably what the kids would like most. So Toys R Us, here we come.

After The Twins got home, we watched about 10 minutes of television. Then, I got Miss R into bed. She'd slept a lot at my parents' house, but she still looked tired. I guess the park wiped her out. Henry wanted Daddy. Daddy was talking with Aunt Jennifer. Henry got to talk with her as well, which was nice.

Miss R got up around 6:30 or so for a diaper change and bottle. She went back to bed. Then, Henry started tossing and turning. Henry crawled out of bed on his own and went into my office. When I caught up to him, he was going through my DVDs looking for "House Rock." That would be School House Rock (election collection). I let him watch a few school house rock clips, but he was soaking and got me wet. Yuck! Daddy took Roger for a walk. When he returned, we got the kids some breakfast. Miss R played with her food. Henry eventually ate some pancake. Right when Jeff was about to give me a pancake and get Henry down b/c he appeared to be finished, Henry decided that he wanted more pancake, so I donated mine to the cause. I made eggs for Jeff and me. Henry ate several bites of my egg as well. The food always tastes better if it comes from a parent's plate.

We gave them a bath. While Jeff drew the bath, I sat on the kitchen floor with Henry who was "sleeping." Miss R sat on him at one point. She also gave Roger several hugs. And she can say "Rog" (something she did the other day on the walk). In the tub, Henry washed Miss R's "back." He finished the lyrics of a couple lines of "Honey, Honey" from Mamma Mia! that I had started singing. Jeff and I also sang the alphabet, and Henry added some letters here and there. Miss R can now point to four body parts: nose and eyes (her first ones) and toes and tummy (today's discovery).

After the bath, we read some books in the new children's play area. That's the area formerly known as the dining room. Jeff took out the glass shelves and table last night. The kids' table as been moved into the spot. Jeff started putting together the Hogwarts Express last night. We need to get more track and some additional supplies. The plan is to have it run along the inset in the dining room.

Jeff just loaded the kids in the car to meet the grandparents at Costco. Henry tried to get into the car seat in the back on the passenger's side. That's his old seat, and Miss R's current seat. I told him that he needed to get into the seat on Daddy's side. He ran over to Daddy and said, "Driving...my turn." He's been obsessed with the idea of driving the car as of late. He tried to get past Jeff into the driver's seat and said "Excuse me" as he pushed past Jeff.

"Elephants on patrol with a question rather droll"

On Friday afternoon, we played with the kids outside. I'm convinced that Miss R is going to be a softball player. She has an awesome pitch. We worked on batting for the first time. Not bad. Not a good as her pitching, but it was a great start.

I bought The Twins a table a couple weeks ago when Jeff was out of town. He put it together in the early evening while I made dinner. We introduced the kids to Shrek 2 while Jeff worked on the table. Henry, however, wanted to watch Harry Potter, but we kept Shrek 2 as the evening movie. I made the family ravioli, peas, corn, and marinated Italian veggies (from Trader Joe's). We ate dinner at the new table. Well, Jeff and I ate dinner at the table. Miss R made a mess, and I got Henry to eat three bites of ravioli. Then, we went for a walk. We stopped by the horse corral on our way back home and talked with Janice.

Henry and Miss R were hungry when we got back. I gave them waffles, the next best thing to pancakes (Henry's request). We gave The Twins a bubble bath. Miss R just loves those bubbles. We started watching something on TV after the bath, but it didn't last long. We ended up going to bed fairly early.

On Saturday, Miss R got up at 5:15AM. She wanted a bottle and diaper change, but then headed back to bed. Henry and Jeff got up at 7:40AM. Miss R and I slept until 8:30AM. I got up, but Miss R hung out in bed until 9AM. Henry tried to get her up. While they hung out on the bed, Jeff and I got ready in the bathroom. We were singing the elephant song from The Jungle Book. As one of us sang "We are...," Henry finished up the song "elephants on patrol with a question rather droll." So cute!

I made the kids pancakes, hash browns, and strawberries for breakfast. The strawberries were overripe, so I tossed them outside. A bunny came out of a cactus to eat one. I showed the bunny to the kids one at a time, while Jeff packed up the diaper bag.

We headed to Brandi Fenton Park around 11AM. A Place to Call Home (APTCH) was hosting a picnic for its foster families. We saw some of our classmates who now have foster children or are doing respite. It was nice to see. Henry played frisbee and kicked a soccer ball. Miss R kicked a ball around as well. One of the APTCH personnel named Ada mentioned to me a couple time how Henry was such a "daredevil." She watched him during the last quarterly when he dangled from the highest points of the playground equipment without any sense of fear. The highlight of the picnic was going to the splash pad. Miss R didn't want to get wet, so we mainly watched Henry run around. Henry was bold as usual. He had a great time on the splash pad. We also played for a little bit on the slides.

Then, we went to Grammy and Poppy's house. Henry was sacked out on Grammy's bed when we left. Miss R decided to spend time with Grammy. Jeff and I stopped by a bed store on our way home. We found some bunk beds that we think would work well. But Jeff has gone out to check a few more stores before we make a final decision.

Bubbles, Bubbles Everywhere

Jeff, Henry, and Miss R went to the grandparents' house for dinner. Miss R was asleep for the first hour. When they got home, Henry told me that they ate macaroni and pizza. Jeff clarified that they were offered macaroni and pizza for dinner, but neither of the kids ate much.

We put them in the bath tub when they got home. A bath was needed. I put bubbles in the bath, and Miss R had a wonderful time making a bubble beard. Henry didn't want the bubbles on his face, but he had fun putting piles of them in Miss R's hair. She didn't mind.

It was a challenging getting them to bed. At one point, Miss R was almost asleep, but then Henry tossed and turned. Once he settled down, she started crying up a storm. She wouldn't respond to questions: Do you want more milk? Do you want your doll? Do you want a diaper change? She got so loud (uncharacteristically so) that I pulled her from the room and plopped her on the couch. We thought that she was perhaps having yet another constipation problem (an ongoing issue with her). She wouldn't let me hold her. She thrashed when I tried. Jeff refilled her bottle of milk. Problem resolved. It is frustrating b/c she doesn't know how to use what language skills that she's learned from us at times. It was as though she went back to square one when she came through our door and didn't know how to express herself at all. Perhaps the CPS visit triggered a temporary regression or something. She seemed fine this morning.

Henry got up before Miss R did, of course. He was delighted that her eyes were open. He bounded back into bed and called out her name several times, looking very happy. She pulled her blanket over her head.

All was fine this morning. I read a book to Henry. Miss R sat next to us, but she doesn't seem to follow books all that well. She likes books with texture, so I encourage her exploring those types of books. We have several. Henry hasn't paid much attention to them in months b/c he likes narratives. Yesterday, I read to her That's Not My Dragon, which is a texture book. When we got to the page with the dragon with the spiky tail (made of the courser side of Velcro), I said, "Spiky! Ouch!" Now, when Miss R touches any of the touch'n'feel objects, she says "Ouch!"...even the That's Not My Kitten's furry tummy. Not quite sure how to deprogram that reaction. She has fun when she says it.

A CPS Visit

I called a couple day cares in the morning. We'll be visiting two of them next week. There are two that are supposed to be "the best" that we haven't visited. One, however, doesn't allow people to visit until a person is called up on the waiting list (which takes something like $75 to get on). The other place didn't answer their telephone. I sent them an email via their website.

I called Alison in the morning to see what was going on with Miss R's case. She had left a message for the CPS caseworker but hadn't heard back yet. A couple hours later, I got a call from Carmen, the CPS caseworker, asking if it was possible for her to do a home visit this afternoon. I said that would be fine. Carmen was nice. We got a little more information on the case. It turns out that Carmen did show up at La Fronterra for the last CFT (child family team meeting). She was waiting in the lobby, but no one bothered to inform her that that the meeting was in progress and its location. They were looking for the first CPS investigator, even though she had made it clear that the case would be switching to someone else at the first hearing. I'm comforted that CPS did show up, even if a miscommunication took place. We have a second CFT in June. There is a court date set for August, which is a review session and will illuminate further the course of action to be taken. We asked if it would be possible for Miss R to go with us on a family vacation to Portland in July. Carmen doesn't think that will be a problem, but she needs to get her supervisor's approval. Jeff and I are hoping to take Henry and Miss R to visit Grandpa Joe around or right after the 4th of July holiday. I think that we've decided that flying would be best. We're not sure that we could handle being trapped for 24 hours in a vehicle with toddlers.

Miss R and Henry were very cute during the visit. Miss R started off in my arms, but she eventually felt comfortable enough to run around the living room. She sat on our steps. Then, Henry sat right next to her. They are quite a pair. She took off, and Henry chased her.

All in all, the visit went well. I think that it was a pretty good representation of what Miss R is like when she is with us. I was pleased that Henry behaved himself. He did, however, take Carmen's keys and hide them under the museum bench, but they were easily found and retrieved by Jeff.

I'm home working on a book chapter. Jeff took The Twins over to my parents' house for swimming and dinner. It looked like some clouds rolled in, so I doubt that swimming took place.

Swimming

I forgot to mention that on Tuesday, Henry managed to climb onto the kitchen counter and sprawl out in his "sleeping" position. He'd been out of Jeff's sight for a minute or two while he was playing with Miss R in the living room. The other thing that Henry did was call Miss R by using the "Miss" title in front of her name. It was very cute.

Yesterday morning, Henry had fun waking up Miss R when Alicia and Karina arrived. He called out her name happily. I'm not sure that she was particularly happy at the wake up call. She is definitely not a morning person.

Jeff and I visited the day care formerly known as Tutor Time. It is now called "Children's Learning Adventure." We arrived around 2:30PM. The kids were just getting up from their naps. Jeff commented on how calm the place felt. The director said that they'd made some changes since last month. One cosmetic change was painting many of the walls nice muted colors rather than the super bright red, yellow, and blue that they had been. They decided that they didn't need to give the kids the extra stimulation b/c that just winds them up. Their teachers receive training at least once a month. They have a "developmental coordinator" on-site who works out the curriculum for the teachers and gives them training as well. They have a nice outdoor area. The ratio for teachers to two year olds is 8:1. But they have 16 students in a classroom with two teachers so that one teacher can lead various projects while the other teacher does the diaper changes/potty training and gets snacks and meals together. As we passed the classrooms, the kids waved to us. We felt pretty good about what we saw. The facility is nice and new. We look forward to seeing what other places have to offer.

Miss R and Henry visited Grammy and Poppy's house in the afternoon. Jeff and I went searching for beds for the little ones. Jeff said that he is surprised at the "dearth of creativity" found in children's furniture. I concur. We haven't found what we are looking for yet. I'm back logged on work, so Jeff is going to take the lead and check out three more places. One place said that they can custom build furniture. If we don't find something interesting, we very well may do that.

We went to Grammy's and Poppy's for dinner. Before dinner, I took the kids swimming with Poppy while Jeff resolved a problem at work. It was cold. But Henry loved it. I took Miss R for one turn around the shallow end but she didn't look particularly happy. I didn't push it. The water wasn't bad once I was in there 5 minutes, but Henry was shivering. So I made him get out, which made him mad. He wanted more "pool" and tried to get into the pool without me. His fingers were turning blue, so I put my foot down. Doesn't happen all that often, but he doesn't have weight to lose, and I figured the shivering was burning calories unnecessarily.

We watched The Little Mermaid while Grammy made dinner. Poppy brought us guacamole and chips. Miss R ate A LOT of guacamole. Both kids rejected dinner, which Jeff said was amazing. My mom had made carnitas from scratch.

The Twins fell asleep in the car. Very easy putting them to bed.

This morning, Henry woke up at 6:30AM and managed to wake up Miss R as well. Grrrr. We read a couple books. One book is called Little Hiawatha. Henry loves saying the word "Hiawatha." Henry's vocabulary continues to expand, I've given up the list. The vocab explosion is too vast to track.

Protecting Henry

Miss R spent a little bit of time with her brothers yesterday. When she came home, I held her for a little while before letting Alicia put her to bed for nap time. Miss R wasn't fussy exactly, but I could tell that she needed me.

When she got up from her nap, we headed to Sears to take a look at beds. I had called around to Knock On Wood and Ethan Allen to ask about children's furniture, but both places said that they have twin beds that could be used as children's furniture but weren't designed as such. We found neat comforters at Sears. We are waiting to make our purchases until we settle on the bed issue.

We took The Twins to the mall play area. Miss R had fun on a steep slide. I helped her. Henry had fun running around. At one point, Jeff and I switched so that I was watching Henry. Henry was intrigued by a 5-6 year old boy playing with one of the spinning puzzle toys in a wall. He got mad at Henry for messing up what he was doing. Henry then went to play behind it, but that messed it up more. A little gal also came over and played with it as well. Henry went to another one at my insistance b/c I didn't want him to make other children mad. Too late. The little boy came over to Henry and said, "If you do that again, I'm going to take you on." I looked at the 5-6 year old and said firmly, "We do not threaten little kids. They can be annoying. But threatening them is simply NOT done." The little boy left. I think that he was trying to figure out whether or not to take me seriously or whether he could take me on. I weighed well over 110 lbs more than he did, so his decision to back off was a wise one. Detaining him wouldn't have been a problem. A few minutes later I saw him punching another boy, who was at least bigger than he was. Nevertheless, where were his parents to correct such bad behavior?

Interestingly, this encounter seemed to illustrate some points in a conversation that I was having my mother earlier in the day about daycare. I called around to a couple daycares. We have an appointment with Tutor Time this afternoon. It is a national chain. It has a curriculum that looks fine. Being a national chain, its tuition is relatively inexpensive. It is also located in an area that relatively poor. Ay, there's the rub. While I want to be progressive in my thinking about equality and diversity, I also know that one's social circle shapes one's thinking. When one goes to a private school for college, for example, one isn't necessarily getting better teachers as many public schools have fine teachers. But one is buying into a peer group that tends to come from families that value certain things (e.g., education, motivation, inquiry, advanced vocabularies, hopefully less vulgarity and violence). How would Henry and Miss R fair against children who come from potentially more aggressive backgrounds? Or am I employing unfair stereotypes when it comes to class? In any event, we have an appointment with Tutor Time this afternoon, so we'll get to see the school in action. We are also planning to visit a daycare at a Methodist church near the university. I had a lengthy talk with the director yesterday, and I liked what she had to say. The school has a waiting list of course. It also works with DES, so it doesn't have problems taking foster children.

After the kids played at the mall, we then had dinner at the food court. Henry didn't want to eat and was impatient to get down. Miss R basically had an Orange Julius for dinner. She was offered french fries, falafel, and tender meat from the Greek place. But once she had a taste of that Julius, she wanted nothing else.

As we went to the car, Henry announced that he wanted "toys." He pointed across the street to Toys R Us, which was on the other side of the parking lot, over six lanes of traffic, and through some trees. I could barely make out the neon sign of "Toys R Us" but it was in fact there. Either Henry was reading the sign through the trees (possible), or he has an uncanny sense of direction. Jeff was playing bad cop, however, and decided to take us straight home. But he too was impressed. How does Henry know these things? The kids sang several loud rounds of "Ah Wah Wah" in the car.

We went home. The kids were tired. We watched "Monsters, Inc." Then we took the kids to bed. It was a struggle. It is definitely time for a new routine...complete with new beds in a separate room from our own. That's the goal for June.

Park and Zoo

Jeff survived Thursday through Sunday morning without me. I was in Chicago at a conference. Good conference. I spent lots of time with my friend Talia, and I worked on some analyses with Kathleen for our upcoming book. When I called Thursday night, Jeff was having as good a night as my previous Monday had been...meaning not that great. The kids were not going down easily, etc.

Over the weekend, the kids went to the park three times. Once with Jeff and Poppy. Twice with Poppy and Grammy. My parents' comments basically revolved around how fast Henry was and how he is fearless. It is true. He shows no fear. That's not necessarily a good thing.

On Sunday, I returned at 11:15AM. Excellent flight. Direct is the way to go! In the car, Henry and Miss R were hilarious. Miss R was the leader in singing/talking something to the effect of "Ah Wah Wah" while conducting the song/talk with her hands. Henry would giggle, copy her, then she'd giggle. They were having a grand old time.

How I wish I could post some video that I have of The Twins laughing and singing. They are so darn cute together.

I was asked this past weekend by a couple friends at the conference and a neighbor yesterday (while walking Roger) the question: "Isn't it going to hurt when Miss R goes back to her biological family (if she does)?" or "Isn't it going to be devastating?"

The answer simply put is: Yes. We have grown to love this little girl very much. And she loves us too.

The natural follow up question: Why do it? Why cause yourself the pain and heartache?

Sometimes it is important to do things, because they are the right thing to do. Although our society caters to a hedonistic world view, the solutions to violence and poverty won't be solved until a large body of people make tough choices and put their own gratifications aside. The cycle of poverty isn't going to be solved by yet another academician writing an article about equality or by sending a check in the mail. It can only be broken at the roots. That means helping and addressing the needs of children. I don't see any other way. Of course, foster care is just one of several ways that one can help in fighting the cycle of violence and poverty.

I'm pretty sure that I have a good understanding of my psychological limits. Having almost lost Henry on several occasions gave me a good sense of where my breaking point probably is. When Miss R goes home, it will hurt us deeply. It isn't as though it will hurt us less than anyone else in our situation, but I'm hoping that our family unit has developed enough coping strategies to get through the ordeal. Of course, we haven't come to that chapter yet. And I hope that we won't have to. I want her to stay with us. She fits right into our family so well. But CPS doesn't seem on the ball, and they seem to tout their statistics on family reunification on their website (alas, their stats on how often children return back into the system isn't mentioned). Based on my reading of their website, she has an 83% chance of returning to her biological family without taking family history into consideration.

If she does return to her bio family, the one thing that would be a deal breaker on taking more foster children in is how Henry deals with the situation. If it causes him too much undue stress, then we would have to put off fostering until he is a little older and would have a better sense of what we are doing and why we are doing it.

On Sunday evening, we went for a walk. We stopped by the horse corral. Both Dakota and Outlaw wanted to be petted on their noses. We didn't let the kids do it though, because Janice warned up that Dakota bites...at least he bites her. So we aren't taking any chances with the kids. Jeff and I were fairly cautious. We only petted the horses when their muzzles were between the bars of the corral making sudden movements less plausible. They are beautiful animals. As we walked up the road, Henry started running and saying "I running" as he did it. We ran into Yvonne, Chocolate, and Banjo. As we dropped Yvonne off at her place, Henry ran up to her and gave her a hug (unprompted). It was so cute. Such a sweet boy.

On Monday, we took The Twins to the zoo. I don't know if Miss R has ever been to the zoo before. I doubt it. She had a good time, but it was clearly a lot for her to comprehend. The animals. The people. The setting. We arrived at the giraffe feeding time. We bought a round of biscuits for Henry and Miss R to hand the giraffes. Henry is a pro at giraffe feeding. He was trying to get past one of the zoo keepers before we had even paid for the biscuits! We got onto the platform, and Henry had no reservations about plopping the first biscuit right on Denver the Giraffe's tongue. He then gave Denver the second one. It was then Miss R's turn. Having seen Henry do it, she had no reservations either. No fear whatsoever. Quite different from the little gal who was anxious around the cats and dogs the first week in our home. She enjoyed it so much that I bought her a second round of biscuits to feed Denver. I would have gotten some for Henry, but he was bounding toward the polar bear exhibit with Jeff in hot pursuit. The giraffes were clearly a hit in Miss R's book.

She also liked the flamingos. Henry's favorite part of the zoo was climbing on the railings and trying to figure out how to climb over them. Jeff watched Henry for the most part. I held Miss R who didn't want to leave my side ever since I returned home.

In the evening, The Twins visited the grandparents, while Jeff and I went to see "Terminator Salvation" (Jeff was very disappointed; I thought it was OK except for the last five minutes, which has a typical Hollywood storyline that I knew was going to happen halfway through the film). When we dropped off the kids, I commented to my mom how well Henry is using articles and prepositions. It is really neat to hear. He has gone from demanding "TV" to saying "On TV" to saying "On the TV." My mom noticed it as well. After the movie, we went to Sam Levitz to buy the bunk beds (or "bonk beds" as Henry calls them) during their Memorial Day sale. Incidentally, the sale was a fraud. They were the same price that they'd been two months earlier. I was irked. So we decided to hold off buying them. After looking at them, we aren't sure that they'd come apart as singles, which is what we need at the moment.

When The Twins came home, we watched "Monsters, Inc." for the billionth time. At least it is a clever children's film.

We put the kids to bed. Jeff went to the store. Henry woke up after Jeff had gone and called for "Daddy." I snuggled with him, and he did settle down. That was nice. The only problem was that he tends to push me over to a 6" sliver of bed. I woke up around 5:30AM and snuggled with him until 6:30AM. Miss R was in the center of the bed with her feet at the pillow.

The driver for CPS just picked up Miss R for her visitation with her biological family. We sent along a cute picture of her for her parents.

Jeff and I have been discussing the possibility of putting Henry into daycare. We hadn't intended to do so until he was potty trained and/or 3 years old. But seeing Henry at the park, loving the playground equipment, and enjoying talking to people, we suspect that he would benefit a lot intellectually and socially from a structured, active daycare atmosphere. We wouldn't put him in daycare all day. We want a daycare where we could pick him up at 2 or 3PM. Of course, all of the great day cares have year long waiting lists, we suspect. Miss R poses somewhat of a complication to the situation as we don't want to put her in a separate daycare from Henry, and we suspect that some of the best ones are going to want for us to pay for an entire year. In any event, we are going to look actively the next couple weeks. Day care in the near future may or may not be in the cards, but we'll find out.

Jeff is going to Philly the first weekend of June. We have a busy, but hopefully fun and productive, couple weeks ahead of us at our respective works and on the home front.

That's all from The Wild Kingdom...

Differences

Jeff enjoyed attention from Henry and Miss R after work. Miss R gave him a hug when he came in the room. At one point, Jeff went to get Miss R something from the kitchen. Henry stayed in the living room. When Jeff returned to the living room a few minutes later, Henry was scaling up the cat tree, which is over 6' tall. He was on the high platform. Another demonstration on how Henry needs eyes on him at all times.

Henry and Miss R went over to the grandparents at 5PM. They had a raspberry spitting contest in the back seat of the Element that lasted about 10 minutes. Hard to say who won. They both managed to get a fair amount of spit all over their chins and seat belt straps. Jeff and I went to see "Star Trek" as we haven't spent much time together as of late. Excellent movie. Henry and Miss R had a good time but didn't eat much. We decided not to get dinner and went to pick up The Twins right after the movie.

Miss R was very happy to see us. She gave me her usual big hug. Henry barely acknowledged us. He was too busy.

The differences in their personalities are night and day. Henry did something (can't remember what) but he was told "no" and ignored it. I believe that no external force could shake our Henry's self-esteem. He exudes confidence. The other night, I told him that he wasn't allowed to throw something. After scolding him, I usually ask him a question, hoping that he will have internalized my message. In this case, I said, "Do we throw things?" having just told him that we don't throw things. His answer..."OK." I don't think he quite gets the concept of the rhetorical question. The answer is implicit but obvious in the question itself.

By comparison, when I use a serious tone with Miss R, she takes it to heart. You can see how her face gets crestfallen when given a stern command. Tonight, Grammy told her that she couldn't climb on the glass coffee table. She looked so hurt by being told "no." She completely internalizes the message. In the end, that's good. Our commands are most often given because of safety concerns. But it is just so interesting only having to give a direct order one time.

I'm heading to Chicago tomorrow for a conference. Jeff will be alone with The Twins until Sunday morning. I'm looking forward to after the first weekend in June when we can both enjoy time as a family without these work excursions.

Signing off.

How I Dislike Bureaucracies, Let Me Count the Ways

On Monday evening, our neighbor Yvonne called me to offer help for our evening dog walk. I took her up on the offer. Two toddlers in the desert during the advent of snake season...yes, help was warranted. It was a nice evening. Henry held Yvonne's hand part of the way. Miss R road contently in the red wagon. After the walk, I made them dinner. Henry decided to put rice and utensils in his water cup, and Miss R copied him. They had a bath. I was glad when they finally settled down for bed because they were putting me through the ringer.

On Tuesday morning, I had a haircut appointment. Halfway through the appointment, a lady from the front desk approached me and said "Your mother is on the line and needs to speak to you immediately." I went to the telephone. My mom said that Alicia had called her. There was a woman from CPS at the front door wanting to take Miss R for a visitation. Legally, we didn't have a choice. Alicia took the woman's badge number down. I was very upset. We've gone out of our way to contact CPS for updates b/c they don't inform of anything (e.g., like Miss R's medical condition for which we have received nada). They simply don't return calls.

In fact, Miss R has been with us four weeks, and I have talked with a CPS worker a total of three times. The first time was when the case worker called as Miss R was being dropped off. We couldn't talk at the time b/c I was in the middle of paperwork with the CPS dropper off person. The case worker was supposed to call back with more information that evening. She never called. I didn't even get a return phone call from her or her supervisor when I needed medical information before taking Miss R to the pediatrician's office. The second time was a week later, when she called two days before the first hearing. That was just to let me know when the hearing was. I told her that I still needed the medical files. She thanked me for reminding her that she needed to inquire about them. And the third time was yesterday morning. As I sat in the salon with my hair half done, I finally got a called from a new CPS case worker who apologized for not informing us about visitation. At the hearing the previous Friday (that would be the hearing that we couldn't get information about b/c CPS wouldn't return Alison's telephone or email inquiries), the court ordered a visitation. Of course, if CPS had returned that telephone call, Jeff would have known where and when to attend the hearing. And if CPS had returned Alison's telephone call for an update Friday afternoon about what transpired at the hearing, then we would have known. I mean, between Alison and us, we are making it so that CPS doesn't have to remember to call us, they just have to return our [fill-in-the-blank], [fill-in-the-blank] phone calls. This isn't rocket science.

CPS has the power to do whatever they want. Our foster parent trainer during our classes said that CPS has "too much power." And it is true. If you've heard rumors that they treat foster parents like [fill-in-the-blank], know from our experience that it is true. I'm not expecting the white glove treatment. I know that they are busy. But if they did their jobs correctly, they wouldn't have to clean up so much mess.

So without warning, Miss R was taken by a stranger to a visitation site to see her parents and siblings. We don't know how it went. I guess that's not really important to our parenting of her. Alicia put her in a cute purple outfit before leaving the house. She was returned in a different outfit, one with shorts that were way too small for her and didn't match her onesie.

My concerns:
* CPS doesn't have its act together. As I mentioned before, they didn't even show up to the CFT (child family team meeting). Of course, the parents didn't either, but that's not an excuse for CPS. How will they act in the children's best interest if they don't listen to what the developmental specialists have to say? While the specialists did squat in assessing Miss R, they have histories working with the other children, which should provide some illumination to the case. What else will CPS let fall through the cracks?
* CPS doesn't communicate to us when the meetings/hearing are. Jeff said that we have to attend those hearings b/c it is obvious that CPS won't inform us of the judge's orders. Above all, we need to know what is legally required in this case.

My fears:
* CPS will drop the ball, sending Miss R back to her bio parents when substantive changes haven't been made. Moreover, her primary caregiver (or at least who we suspect was the primary caregiver) does not want to return home nor did he want to be placed with his siblings b/c he doesn't want to care give anymore. Honestly, he shouldn't have ever been placed in that position in the first place. But what will happen to her if he isn't in the home?
* Miss R will not live up to her potential if placed back in an unsuitable home. She's already made a lot of progress in terms of being able to express herself in a few short weeks. There are skills that she should have had as an 18 month old that she didn't have. Her vocab was/is smaller than it should have been. She grunted without communicating, and now she's beginning to understand how to communicate. She's picked up some sign language. She knows at least 10 words now. She can point to her nose and eyes. It makes me sick to think that she'll be placed back in an unsuitable home and then probably repeat this horrible cycle 20 years from now.

Legitimating my concerns is the fact that a case plan hasn't been put in place. They claim that it should be done in a couple weeks. The law says that when a child under 3 years old is placed in CPS custody, the parents have 6 months to turn things around. But CPS will drag this out so that they get longer. Or they'll create a minimal threshold for the parents (who a history of CPS involvement) just to get her and her siblings off their docket. I know that I've been evasive on details as I have to be. But I will say that there is evidence that the parents haven't done the thing that is most basic to getting their children back and hence I'm stunned that this visitation took place. There is a primary reason why the children were removed and that issue hasn't changed. So why have the visitations?

To make matters more frustrating, the case worker told me on the phone that this was a one time visitation b/c it was court ordered. I'm guessing the court ordered it when the court realized that CPS wasn't doing its job effectively. But that visitations wouldn't take place on a regular schedule until a plan was in place. But then the CPS dropper off person told Alicia that the visitations would be held weekly at the same time. So which is it? One time or weekly?

I had a faculty meeting in the afternoon. My mom picked up the kids at 1:45PM. Miss R was returned around 1:30PM. Henry was happy to see Miss R back. And Miss R was happy to see Grammy.

When I got to my parent's house around dusk, they were in the pool area. Henry was throwing rocks and leaves into the pool. Miss R was sitting in the swinging bench with Poppy. Henry threw a rake into the pool, much to Poppy's displeasure. Poppy fished it out with a pole, and Henry grabbed it and get the rake out of the water. Apparently, Miss R (who has huge constipation issues) was very upset at one point in the afternoon. Henry went over to her and patted her arm telling "It's OK, [Miss R's name]." I hope Henry's right in more ways that he knows.

We got in the car and headed to the airport to pick up Jeff. Henry and Miss R were pleased to see him. I was too. :)

We got a pizza and fried zucchini from Bianchi's. Miss R loved both. Henry stuck to his bottle. The kids were wired at 10PM, but we carted them off to bed anyway. It took a long time to settle them down. Henry was ecstatic to have his Daddy Pillow back.

We're Managing...

We continue to miss Jeff terribly, but I confess that I enjoy having Henry to snuggle with at night. He's such a Daddy's Boy that I rarely get the opportunity to nap with him.

Yesterday morning, I made Henry and Miss R pancakes for breakfast from scratch...alas we were low on Bisquick so I had to open up the Fanny Farmer cook book. The pancakes were excellent. Breakfast was served to my early risers at 7AM. At 9AM, Henry wanted breakfast again.

I gave both Henry and Miss R bathes. Miss R was first. No problem. Henry was second. Problem. He was fine once he got into the water, but he was not easy to get into the tub. I put a new outfit on Miss R and opened up the box to her new doll. She was so very happy with it. She held it in her arms. I gave her the doll's bottle, and she fed her doll. She was delighted. She pointed to its eyes and said "eyes." That means that she can now identify two body parts! Eyes and nose.

I took them over to Grammy's house around 11:30AM. I then went to Children's Orchard to get the kids some shorts. I then went to Marshall's just to see what they had. Found some Stride Rite socks for both Henry and Miss R. Plus, I got Miss R some croc-like shoes with Dora on them. Hopefully, they'll fit. She's too small to fit in Size 4, but I'm having a heck of a time finding Size 5 shoes. The Doras are 5/6. We'll see. I then went to Trader Joe's and drove home, only to realize that I didn't have a key to my house. Sigh. Left them on the key ring at the grandparents' when I gave them the car keys. When they take care of the kids, we leave our Honda Element b/c it has two car seats in it. It was one of those days. When I got back to the grandparents', Miss R was busy smearing strawberries over her new outfit. Double sigh. Caught Henry stuffing a whole wheeble in his mouth (as in wheebles wobble but they won't fall down).

Miss R and Henry were returned in the evening. Henry wanted to watch Hound (as in The Fox and the Hound), and he didn't seem to believe me when I said that we didn't own it. Before their arrival, I managed to find all 12 blocks to Miss R's shape sorted. After Henry was home 15 minutes, he managed to spread the blocks across the house. I could only find 11 of the 12 blocks. How did he do that?

I was pleased that Henry did very well with the star shape on the shape sorter. It usually frustrates him, but I think that he's getting better with it. Miss R and I clapped whenever he got the shape inside. Miss R seemed genuinely pleased for him. She was an enthusiastic cheerer.

Today, Miss R crept her way across the bed toward Henry's side. I was barely on a sliver next to Henry. I got out of bed to Miss R's former side and stretched out around 6:15AM. Henry noticed my absence with his super duper parent sensory abilities. He then crawled over Miss R and snuggled next to me. Miss R got up at 7:15AM. Henry stayed asleep. I got her settled into the living room with her morning bot and a diaper change. She's been saying "diadie," which is good. Her vocabulary has expanded since she's been with us. I was unloading the dish washer when Alicia and Karina arrived. Henry woke up shortly after.

I called Alison today to see what was going on with CPS and what happened at Thursday's hearing. She said that the case manager (initial investigator) apologized for not showing up at the CFT (child and family team meeting), but apparently, a new case manager has been assigned, and the meeting note had gotten lost in the case transfer. So Miss R has a new CPS case manager. And no, we haven't heard from her. Alison also hasn't heard about the little boy for whom we were originally selected to be foster parents and whether or not the child has been placed in "kinship care." Given that the case worker isn't calling her back, she assumes he is. We wish him well.

Jeff says that Marley is doing well, but she isn't eating much. We are speculating that she only ate before b/c she was trying to lord the food over Roger who always wanted to eat from her bowl. Without another dog in the house, how will Marley's alpha needs be expressed?


OK. That's all from here. One more night without Jeff. He returns tomorrow at 7:32PM.

Two Toddlers, 1 Dog, 3 Cats, & Me

On Friday, Miss R and Henry went over to the grandparent's house in the afternoon so that Jeff and I could spend some quality time with Marley. We watched "24: Redemption" (yes, we're about 5 months behind on our DVR watching...at least when it comes to 24; we're 2 years behind on Lost, Heroes, and Prison Break). We watched TV while petting and snuggling with Mar Mar. She loved it. We went for a walk around dusk and ran into several of our neighbors, which was nice. They wanted to say goodbye to her.

Miss R and Henry didn't settle down peacefully last night. Henry woke up several times wanting Jeff. I suspect that Jeff got less than 2 hours of sleep. I did slightly better. Jeff got me up at 4:45AM to say goodbye. Marley went into the crate easily. I was sad to see her go.

I went back to bed, but Henry decided to wake up at 5:45AM. He was upset to have his Daddy Pillow missing. I let him watch some TV. I was so tired at that point; I didn't have the energy to entertain him myself. Miss R got up around 7:15AM, I think. I made them a nice breakfast, which they played with but didn't eat much. Henry managed to get stuff in his hair. I ended up giving them a bath. It was like herding cats trying to get Henry in the bath tub. He continued to push my buttons left and right in various ways throughout the morning.

I managed to get Henry and Miss R to take a nap around 11AM. They finally got to sleep at 11:30AM. Miss R was up by 1:15PM. She and I spent some time in the living room together. I went to get Mr. Sleepy Head up at 3:20PM or so.

They had lunch. Miss R didn't eat much. Henry ate very well. The meal was Rosemary Chicken and rice from Trader Joe's. Henry requested several extra helpings of chicken, and he tried the rice.

At 4:15PM, Grammy and Poppy picked up The Twins. I got some email done, straightened up some things around the house, took Roger for a walk, and then went to Babies R Us. Miss R needed some clothes. She's has some hand me downs, a couple cute outfits from Children's Orchard, and one cute new sundress from Jamie. I wanted her to have some additional new things (very American of me). I bought some step stools so that the kids can brush their teeth in front of the mirrors at the sinks. I also got them a table, one that Jeff and I have eyed for awhile. I also got Miss R some new shoes. Hopefully, they'll fit. In short, I was do my best to "grow the economy" all by myself.

I went to get the kids at 8:45PM. Grammy said that they ate very well...even Henry. When I arrived, Henry wanted to know where Daddy was. We drove home. Henry fell asleep in the car, and Miss R was halfway there. They are sound asleep in the bed right now. I have stayed up to do fun things like run a load of wash clothes and bibs, run some dishes, organize the recycling for Monday, and spend time with Roger. Roger is holding up well, but I think that he realizes something is amiss. He let me pick him up and put him on the couch (he's the only dog in North America who will not jump on a couch if asked). He's now snuggled up with me.

Perky Happy Morning Henry

When Henry woke up this morning, he sat up straight, looked over at Miss R, and said "Hi R****!" in his super perky happy morning voice that I haven't heard in about a year. As he has gotten older, his morning wake up of "Hi!" as turned into surly rumbling. He gets that from me as I'm not a happy morning person at all. :)

It was nice to see him so cheerful this morning.

In other news, Kathleen, my mentor and boss from the Annenberg survey, sent Miss R a really cool doll. She asked if we'd received it. I said we hadn't. But then it turned out that Jeff had a box from Amazon addressed to me that he hadn't given to me yet. He thought it was perhaps a Mother's Day gift. Anyway, we gave it to Miss R, and she was delighted. I think that she even said the word "doll."

How I wish that I could upload pictures of Miss R to this website so that everyone could see how cute, beautiful, and happy she is.

OK. Back to work.

Toddler Talk

Jeff managed to contact La Frontera this morning, and they tracked exactly which office was holding the meeting about Miss R and her siblings service plans. Her siblings already have plans in place, and the Blake Foundation is taking a "wait and see" approach on Miss R. My impression at the hearing was that the bio parents were told that they should be attending these meetings as an indicant of them working their plan to get the kids back. Bio parents were a no show. But CPS was also a no show. The meeting was short. Jeff did get a tid bit of insight into how the family was functioning prior to the children's removal form the home. Not much, but a little.

I arrived in the evening after a somewhat grueling trek back from Florida through Houston. My flight from Ft. Lauderdale was late, arriving at the time my connecting flight was boarding in another terminal at the absolute farthest point from my arrival gate and requiring a bus ride to get to the other terminal. It was crazy. Somehow I made it.

Jeff, Henry, and Miss R picked me up at the airport. Henry and Miss R were happy to see me. Henry continues to be LOUD. His latest obsession is The Fox & The Hound (thanks Grammy and Poppy). Henry talked about it on the way home. He thought we didn't get what he wanted, so he tried to explain himself by stressing different syllables.

Fox and Hound
FOX and Hound
Fox and HOUND
Fox AND Hound
FOX and HOUND
FOX AND Hound
Fox AND HOUND

Jeff and I had a hard time not sniggering. It was pretty funny. Apparently, Henry likes the scene with the bear. That's the scary scene.

Henry pointed out Miss R to me and said her name. Then, she'd giggle. They went through this several times. They also seem to be able read each other sometimes in ways that I just don't get. Is it a secret baby/toddler non-verbal language? I don't know.

Although the addition of Miss R has probably been more stressful for Henry more than anyone else, I think that it is safe to say that he and Miss R like each other a lot.

We picked up dinner from Lovin Spoonfuls on the way home. Henry was diggin the vegan meatballs but not the pasta. Miss R loved the pasta but wasn't so keen on the vegan meatballs. We watched Finding Nemo as we don't own The Fox & The Hound.

One of Miss R's accomplishments tonight was pointing to her nose. In my opinion, she is a bit beyond on some milestones when it comes to speech. Prior to this evening, she had never pointed to a body part correctly upon request. I don't think that she knows them. But we've been working on it. I can't explain exactly why I feel this, but I suspect that she is a smart little girl but just doesn't have the expressive skills one normally sees in a child her age. She can grunt and point but says just a couple words: momma, ball, baby. We've worked on dog, which right now is more daw. And now she knows nose. It is an excellent start considering that she's been with us less than a month.

Her other accomplishment was "reading" a book in the right direction. When she came into our house, she was perfectly happy with a book held upside down. I mentioned this to Jeff a couple days ago. He couldn't remember a time when Henry didn't know how a book should be held. Even when he started leafing through books on his own, he'd look at them the "right" way. I'm not sure whether or not she'd experienced books before staying with us. But I decided not to be heavy handed about the books when she first came into house. I wanted her to explore and be interested in them. So I'd let her look at them upside down or sideways if that's what she wanted to do. When I tried to read them to her, she was resistant, and I backed off. Well, tonight, we leafed through the pages of a book together, right side up, and we looked at the cartoons of various animals. I think that she is beginning to get the idea of symbols/cartoons representing something. Way to Go, Miss R!

Henry went to bed first. A huge surprise. Miss R stayed with me in the living room and feel asleep on my lap.

Dinner with the Grandparents

In my absence, Henry, Jeff, and Miss R had dinner with the Grammy and Poppy last night and tonight. Last night, they went to Swenson's. Jeff said that Henry ate very well. It's about time!

When I called last night, Miss R was already in bed, but Henry was still up. He told me about "Monsters" as he was watching it when I called. He likes "Mike & Sully." When we talked on the telephone this evening, Henry was up and Miss R had again gone to bed. It was 9PM in Tucson, so Miss R was doing what most kids their age should be doing. Henry did announce to Jeff that it was time for "bed" after a few minutes. So it was a short call. It is nice that Henry is choosing to go to "bed" by his own initiative from time to time.

I'm still a bit under the weather. I suppose that's good news for our budget b/c the food at the Westin Diplomat is incredibly expensive. The hotel is very beautiful. I finally walked along the beach this evening, and the water was perfect. At some point, I may have to figure out a way to get a year long visiting professor job at one of the universities in the area! I wish that Jeff, Henry, and Miss R could be here. It would be fun watching them play in the water together.

Tomorrow, there are supposedly two meetings involving Miss R that are going to take place...not that anyone has called us about the time and locations. Has La Frontera, the group organizing the case plans for the children's developmental services, called? A big fat NO. Has the Blake Foundation ever come back for the follow-up they promised at the first meeting? Another big fat NO. Has a case worker from CPS called about the meetings or just to check in? Ummm, that would be another NO. Our family specialist was supposed to get in touch with us to see what she could find out. Haven't heard from her either. Sigh.

One might ask the question, "What is the [fill-in-the-blank] point of having a meeting to discuss developmental services if (a) the child in question hasn't received an appropriate evaluation, and (b) no one has bothered to contact the foster parents for their observations about the child's development and potential need for services?" What are they going to discuss if Jeff isn't there? Hypothetical services?

The second meeting is the dependency hearing that was scheduled to take place at 4PM. There is a possibility that the parents have made some sort of negotiation with CPS which would abdicate the need for the hearing. Gee wiz, wouldn't it be a good idea to inform the foster parents so that they don't trek down to the courts unnecessarily? Am I asking for the world here?

What strikes me as amazing is we aren't talking about just one service, one case worker, or one agency/institution dropping the ball. We are talking about a multiple system failure. Can't any of them get it right? Has anyone actually looked at our little gal's file since the last hearing?

OK. I'm off my soap box now. I'm going to do a few more data runs before hitting the sack (a sack with 300 thread count sheets...I do love staying at Westin hotels).

Busy Day

Monday was a busy day. Alicia and Karina were back. It was very loud in the house again. We are going to do some serious thinking about whether or not the current situation is something we want to continue. I think that the time has perhaps come to look into daycare options. We wouldn't put Henry and Miss R into daycare all day by any stretch. But I suspect that a good daycare would provide them with some better social, physical, and artistic opportunities.

We played together as a family in the mid-afternoon. I put Miss R in her new dress from Jamie. It was super cute. I did her hair in a hair band. I wish that I could post pictures of Miss R but given privacy concerns, that's not allowed.

Henry was hilarious. Miss R took off her head band. Henry put it on himself like a sweat band right of out the Olivia Newton John era.

Alison, our family specialist, stopped by. One of her colleagues was hoping that she'd suggest that we take another child that he is trying to place...a 6 month old boy with some head issues. He is most likely going to be placed as a DDD child. I think that we are only allowed to be licensed as ACYF (which is the so-called "normal" foster care) or CDH (which is the child disability home). So we wouldn't be able to do both. Alison told him that she thought we had our hands full adjusting. Plus, there is still a chance that the 3 year old for whom we said "yes" before getting Miss R placed with us might get placed with us. We were actually selected to be his foster-to-adopt parents but then a relative came out of the wood works, but CPS had to vet the person's background. It is unclear whether or not they've done that yet. Alison was going to call tomorrow to see. She made a comment that Miss R looks so perfect with us and meshes so well with our family. She noted several times how well Miss R is doing. Incidentally, CPS hasn't contacted Alison about any medical information for Miss R, the meetings taking place on Thursday, or the mentioned anything about visitations. But Alison said that she'd be surprised if visitations with the parents took place soon. There is still a question, however, about the other siblings. I'm kind of surprised that CPS hasn't arranged visits for them. Although maybe that's not customary given how much younger Miss R is in comparison to her brothers.

We went for a walk around 7:20PM. It was very nice outside. We spotted a snake (not a rattler) in the middle of the road. We ran into Hal, Swanee, Luke, Annie, and two of our other neighbors. We talked near Nick and Janice's drive way. When Miss R spotted one of the horses, she freaked out. Clearly not a fan of big animals. We'll work on that. Not that she needs to love horses or anything, but not freaking out would be good.

I wasn't feel that great after our walk. I went to bed for awhile. Now I'm getting ready for my trip to Hollywood, Florida.

A Not So Great Mother's Day

On Saturday afternoon, Henry and Miss R went over to the grandparents' house for a little while in the afternoon. I stayed home and worked. Jeff ran errands.

In the evening, Henry was very moody during dinner. The Twins were a bit exasperating afterward. I suggested to Jeff that we pop a movie into the television b/c I was exhausted. Jeff asked if I wanted a Mother's Day present early. I said, "Sure." He got me "Enchanted," which is a cute Disney film. We stayed up and worked after the kids went to bed. They tossed and turned all over the bed. They were in a different position every time we checked on them, which was frequently. At one point, Miss R's feet were hanging off the bed, so I put her back in the safe zone. Jeff checked on them later. He said that Miss R had rolled onto Henry, but he didn't seem to have noticed. I unfortunately started feeling quite nauseated last night. I ended up sleeping in the guest bedroom.

I felt sick this morning. Still nauseated and droopy. Henry crawled into bed with me. We read his colors book. I figured it was OK for him to be around me considering that I probably have what he and Miss R had last week. Sigh. Jeff got the newspaper from the driveway. Apparently, "Get Fuzzy" is Henry's new favorite cartoon.

Henry and Miss R went to play at the grandparents' house. Jeff cleaned up the house. I attempted to work. I ended up taking a nap in the late afternoon and had fever and chills. When the kids returned home, they were full of energy. I asked Henry what they did at Grammy's house. He said, "Pancakes." They had in fact eaten pancakes. I asked what else. He said, "Jungle Book." I asked if he went outside with Poppy. He replied, "Poop...Pine cones." Telling Grandpa where the dog poop is located for removal is one of Henry's jobs at the grandparents' house. He also locates pine cones to put in the trash bag. My parents have some pines in the dog yard. Miss R was all over me this evening. She really wanted to spend the time jumping on my stomach, which wasn't exactly my idea of a good time.

The Twins really seemed to be having a good time together today. They were mimicking each other. Doing some monkey see monkey do. Crawling together. Rolling on the carpet together. Playing with blocks together. Laughing all the while. That was a nice treat. Henry would do something, and Miss R would laugh hysterically.

They both went into the bath tub easily, which was nice. It was shampoo night for Miss R's hair. Not fun. She hates leaning back and having her hair washed and/or conditioned. Miss R went to sleep for Jeff after the bath. Henry looked at "pics" with me. Then, he volunteered to go to "bed."

On a side note, we haven't heard a thing about visitations for Miss R with her bio family. We haven't heard a peep from the CPS case worker. So we are clueless about her status in the system. She seems to fit seamlessly into our family, which wasn't necessarily something that Jeff and I had anticipated. I think that we had expected a lot more problems from the foster child's end (whoever they might be). If Henry was taken from us (Heaven forbid), I would expect him having a hard time adjusting to a new situation and a new family. I'm sure that he would mention "Daddy," "Mommy," "Grammy," "Poppy," and maybe even "Bitsy" or "Roger" to them. I'm sure that he would miss us and be sad. And...well...Miss R just seems really happy to be with us. We haven't detected any sign of sadness or being ill at ease in her current surroundings. I'm a bit nervous about leaving on my trip to Florida (Tuesday through Thursday). I'm nervous that CPS will show up and take her w/o any forewarning. It is withing their rights to do so, although it is obviously better for the foster families and foster children to be given some transition time. There is another hearing on Thursday in the afternoon. I'm hoping that Jeff is able to attend it so that we'll know what the heck is going on.

"Change Diadie!"

On Friday morning, I made The Twins french toast. It looked fantastic. I didn't get to enjoy it b/c I ended up spending breakfast changing Henry's diaper a couple times. After that, breakfast had lost its appeal. I knew that I was in trouble when Henry said "Change diadie!" clearly and distinctly from his booster seat.

Grammy decided to take the kids to her place so that I could get more work done. They had fun at her place. She made them pancakes from scratch.

Yesterday, Jeff made arrangements for flying Marley to Oregon. I'm still very sad about the whole thing. We really love her a lot. I ran into a neighbor on the evening walk (it was just me and the dogs). She said that her grandson had hugged his dog and got nipped. His parents talked about getting rid of the dog. Her grandson got upset about it, realizing that it was his fault if the dog had to leave. So he seems to be changing his behavior. He's 3.5 years old. Unfortunately for us, 3.5 is miles away. I'm hoping that Marley will be very happy with Grandpa Joe. She'll be an only dog (although I'm sure that she'll miss Roger) and get to run around in the grass. We hope that we'll get to visit them later in the summer...if the whole swine flu doesn't cause us to rethink our travel plans.

We have a hectic travel schedule for this month. I'll be in Florida Tuesday (5/12) to Thursday (5/14). Then, Jeff will be in Oregon Saturday (5/16) to Tuesday (5/19). Then, I'll be in Chicago most likely Thursday (5/21) to Sunday (5/24). And then Jeff is going to Philly Friday (6/5) to Monday (6/8). We'll both get a taste of single parenthood with twins. Yikes.

Despite pangs of jealousy, I think that Henry is really beginning to enjoy having Miss R around. Last night, they played "chase." Of course, both wanted to be the one who was being changed. They played on the slide together and pounded the piano together.

This morning, I made scrambled eggs and french toast with strawberries and bananas. I don't know how much the kids really ate. They made a mess more than anything. We read books in the morning. Henry is irked that we're back on the limited television policy. Only television in the evening before bed.

The kids and Jeff are taking a nap. Henry and Miss R will be going to the grandparents' house after they wake up.

"Look Out!"

The Twins were active today. Miss R has a healthy appetite. That's for sure. Henry did pretty well today, but he still has back end issues. We've gone through a lot of diapers. A LOT.

Grammy came in the morning to help out. In the afternoon, Elsa showed up to update Henry's IFSP (individualized family service plan) which in essence becomes a contract for services. We had to amend some of his goals so that he could continue with his PT. We had to explain that Shirley has been working on balance with him. "And can you tell me why that is important?," asked Elsa. "Can you put that in an 'outcome' form?" Sigh. Inwardly, I was thinking are you f-ing serious? Golly gee, I wonder why balance is important. So I had to explain about being about to reach for objects and safety (b/c poor balance = falling down = not safe). I guess that explanation wasn't good enough so she had to put down something about Henry being "frustrated" when he falls down. Whatever.

Jeff suspects that The Twins have the so-called "swine flu." The number of cases in Arizona has skyrocketed. I'm a bit nervous that people are taking this flu so casually. That means that they will be going out in public even when they haven't fully recovered, which is very selfish. The second round of it expected in August is supposed to be much worse. While other people may not think it is a big deal, Henry is still at risk with his lung issues. If this "mild" version flattened him, I hate to think about the next round. Some articles about the 1918 flu epidemic have said that the first round didn't result in many causalities, but the second round caused wide spread pneumonia. Again, this is a HUGE concern for little ones like Henry.

So here is my plea to everyone. When you are sick, please try to think about other people, not just yourself and how you are feeling. Don't go to the mall if you were puking hours earlier. You are still active in your ability to spread germs. Avoid any contact with crowds if it is unnecessary...and that may mean some delayed gratification if you want to go to the movies or get some new clothes, etc. Don't go to work and infect others b/c you think that your boss will be impressed with how tough you are for working through your illness. Newsflash: Other people don't want to catch your germs. Please. Try to think of others less strong than yourself.










Henry and Miss R had fun playing on the piano this afternoon. They also found the party whistles and added those to the jamboree.

On our walk this evening, Henry was uncooperative. He wouldn't walk down the road. Instead, he grabbed his book out of the wagon and sat down in the middle of the road. I told Jeff to go on with Miss R, and I'd take Henry back to the house. Once Jeff was a couple hundred feet away, Henry wanted to go on the walk again. Jeff couldn't hear my shouts over the sounds from the wagon. Henry and I went over to Nick and Janice's to look at the horses. Janice came over to say hello (we kept at 6 feet from her...we didn't want to get her sick). She reported that they've already seen eight rattle snakes this season, six of which were on their property, one of which slithered over to our property. Sigh. That's a lot of snakes this early in the season. We didn't talk long b/c Henry announced that he wanted to "Go home. Eat." When we got into the garage, he demanded "pancakes."

After dinner, he and Miss R played on the slide in the living room. At one point, Miss R had just gone down the slide. Henry was behind her and said "Look out!" She moved before he could crash into her. They have had a lot of fun with the slide and ball pit as of late. They like getting into the ball pit together.

357. "Look out!"

That's all from the Wild Kingdom.

"Hold You"

It has been a stressful couple of days. My mom came on Monday and Tuesday to help out. Miss R was feeling well yesterday (Tuesday). In fact, she started off the morning getting really mad at me because I was a little slow on the uptake when she wanted food. She also managed to hold down some milk.

We tried some milk in the afternoon. Henry was so very tired yesterday that it was a bit scary. I was afraid that he was reacting poorly to not eating solids. He doesn't have much body fat overall, so there are no reserves effectively. He fell while trying to walk up two stairs from the living room to the bedroom. Henry then took a nap in the late afternoon while Jeff took Miss R and the dogs for a walk. He got up as soon as Jeff was out the door and then wanted "Daddy." I sat with him on the couch. He had a major vomit episode. I suspect that there isn't an inch of our couch that hasn't been vomited on by this point.

Henry's fever bounced between 99 and 102 degrees. We kept it in check with Tylenol. He looked so incredibly spent.

This morning when Henry woke up, he said "play" to Jeff, which Jeff figured was a good sign. He is still very tired though. I gave him some chicken soup (the broth and a couple noodles). Miss R has been active and more sassy than before her illness. Toddlers can certainly be bossy.

Henry's fever hasn't been bad today. He still has some back end issues however. And he has volunteered for "diaper change" on more than one occasion.

Henry has said "Hold you" to both me and Jeff on a few occasions, meaning that he wants us to snuggle with him.

In happy news, we opened our last b-day present to Henry this afternoon. It is a little piano. I have very cute pictures of Miss R and Henry playing it.

355. "Hold you"
356. Monsters (meaning Monsters, Inc.)

Henry's Birthday Party

Yesterday was Henry's birthday party. We woke up a little later than we had planned (something like 8:20AM). Miss R actually slept until some time after 9AM. It was a bit of a rush to get everything done, but we somehow managed to do so. We gave Henry one of his birthday presents before the party in hopes that he'd tire himself out with it and take a nap before the party. No such luck. But doesn't he look adorable in his new red peddle fire engine?

The party went really well. We had it at our house so that our neighbors could stop by. And each one of them did! It was really nice. Our party included: Grammy, Poppy, Aunt Erin, Uncle Brian, Uncle Jim, Michele, Leo, Carolyn and Adelyn, Jamie, Steve, Dana, Nikki, Nick, Janice, Swanee, Karen, Yvonne, Jeff, Henry, Miss R, and me. Our neighbors Paul and Janine stopped by before the party to give Henry a Thomas & Friends train named Mike.

Henry absolutely loved having the house full of people. Several people commented on how social he is. He is indeed our little social butterfly. Miss R was shy at first but then relaxed and let several people hold her. I saw her with Karen, Swanee, my mom, Dana, and Jamie. She did really, really well. Very proud of her. Jamie made Miss R a turtle sun dress. I can't wait to put her in it!

I wish that Henry had taken a nap before the party. We rushed out the cake when it become apparent around 2:15PM that he was beginning to fade.

Aunt Erin lead the party in a round of "Happy Birthday." Jeff commented that it was perhaps the most melodious happy birthday that we'd ever heard...complete with harmonization. Jeff and I had a bit of a panic right before we brought out the cake and realized we forgot to purchase silverware. Ooop! Thank goodness for rounds of individually packaged sets of silverware from Pei Wei and Lovin' Spoonfuls, which we tore open and thankfully had enough forks to go around! The cake was excellent...an acquisition from Nadine's Bakery.

Our family, friends, and neighbors were very generous in their gifts. Henry received building block sets, stuff animals, books, trains, a toddler guitar, clothes, stickers, and other neat things. I'm personally hoping that he begins to direct his energies toward these new toys rather than continuing of his current passion of sneaking behind the big screen TV and trying to play with the chords. Miss R wasn't left out in the fun. She also received some presents, which she loves.

Henry and Miss R crashed as everyone left. Unfortunately, Miss R began to vomit as she dozed off on the couch. A huge thank you to Jamie who helped clean it up as I tried to clean Miss R up!

We went for a family walk at dusk. We put on our party hats, which we forgot to wear during the party. Ran into Swanee, Hal, Annie, and Luke. Miss R was very calm with Annie and Luke tried to kiss her.


At dinner, Henry was very loud and uncooperative about eating. As Henry was yelling and Jeff was getting a wash cloth, I think I told Henry to keep it down. When Jeff appeared with the wash cloth, Henry said, "Be quiet! Shhhhh!" He put his fingers to his lips as he said "Shhhhh!" but I don't think that he really understand the concept of the "quiet" voice.

We had a rough night. Miss R started throwing up again and had a slight fever. We gave her some Tylenol. I ended up staying up with her and holding her upright as she fell asleep on my chest. This was around 11:30PM. I was disappointed because we had just put new sheets on the bed (600 thread count), and I was so looking forward to the high quality sheet experience. Jeff came out at 3AM to take Miss R's temperature. I had fallen asleep holding her. I managed to put her in the crib without problem. She seemed to do OK on her tummy. The sheets were awesome as expected. Miss R woke up, however, at 5:30AM. She had vomited a little. She was yelling, so I took her into the living room to change her diaper so she wouldn't wake up Henry. But she did wake up Henry. Henry then proceeded to vomit all over Jeff and the new sheets. Sigh.

We called the nanny to let her know. At first she was going to come but leave her daughter at home, and then she called back to say she wouldn't be coming at all. Shortly before 8AM when Miss R was napping on the couch, Henry announced he was hungry so I gave him a small piece of a muffin that he seemed to want. He took one bite and started vomiting again (mainly liquid b/c that's what he had in his stomach). I called the doctors shortly after 8AM as I had planned. Henry was for the most part acting his usual active self. He was happy b/c I let him watch whatever he wanted on TV. The nurse called me back around 9AM. Basically, I'm to keep the kids on liquids. Only give Tylenol if the temperature is 102 degrees or higher. Dehydration is the big worry. Keep giving small amounts. If child doesn't vomit, then I can increase the amount. They can have crackers or toast if they haven't vomited in an 8 hour period. They can eat regular food if they haven't vomited in a 24 hour period.

My mom came over around 10AM to help. Henry had vomited all over me around 11:45AM. Back to small doses of liquid. The Twins are both having back end issues too. Miss R has been wanting me to hold her a lot. She did eventually let my mom hold her. They both fell asleep on the couch in the early afternoon.

Jeff is off work now so he'll be working with my mom taking care of the little ones' needs. I'm going to start my work now. The hope is to get as much done as I can tonight under the assumption that I'm probably going to come down with this too. Jeff hasn't made the reservations yet for his and Marley's trip to Oregon. That may have to be put off until next week. But we have to do it soon b/c of the issues of heat and travel.

Up the Stairs

On Friday, I went to a hearing for Miss R and her siblings. The hearing was to determine whether or not there was a preponderance of evidence to support CPS' case against the parents. As I've said before, I can't go into revealing details for privacy reasons, but I can say that Miss R now has a new lawyer representing her b/c her older siblings are split on what they want to happen. One wants to return to the parents as soon as possible. The other does not. The lawyer representing the one who does not want to return has been appointed Miss R's guardian ad litem. I gave a short report to the Court saying how Miss R is doing. She is doing very well and is now caught up on her immunizations. She has fit into our household without noticeable signs of distress from the transition. The details of the case are complicated...very complicated. The family has found an extended family member, who happens to be taking care of Miss R's paternal grandmother and other children of the father. Consequently, it is unclear how long Miss R will be staying with us. The Court is giving CPS discretion but has suggested not "disrupting" Miss R again as she is doing well in our house...until the direction of the case becomes more clear. I talked with Miss R's parents after the hearing about Miss R's diet and such. They were helpful. I don't doubt their sincerity in wanting their children back. It unfortunately doesn't mean that it is the best place for them at this time. I felt a bit drained emotionally after the hearing just because the reality of the case isn't a simple narrative of good guys versus bad guys story, although some wrong things have been done, which call parental capability into question. Again, I can't explain what I mean by that w/o disclosing details which I simply can't discuss legally. Bottom line: Life is complicated, often more than it should be.

Shirley, Henry's PT, visited at 2PM. Henry said a word but we couldn't understand what he was saying at first. Jeff figured it out. Henry was saying "wheel barrow." We haven't said the word since Shirley visited last month. Henry wanted Shirley to hold his legs while he walked around on his hands.

Henry and Miss R went over to Grammy and Poppy's in the late afternoon. Jeff and I went to get party supplies for Henry's birthday party tomorrow. We had some dinner before returning home. Grammy and Poppy returned The Twins about a half-hour later. At their house, Henry didn't eat much. Miss R ate a lot. For awhile, Henry was trying to keep up with her on eating, but he seems to have given up on that feat. Grammy said that at one point, The Twins were chasing each other around the kitchen and having fun doing it.

Miss R was a riot last night. She was very excited about the ball pit. She went crazy in it. Rolled around the balls. Then stood up and shook the railing, jumping until she was out of breath.

Henry was his usual daredevil self. He sat on the railing of the ball pit and fell backward into the balls. Then, he wanted me to hold his hands as he stood on the rail and then fell backward into the balls.

We gave The Twins a bath. Miss R led the way, which was a surprise to us. Then, "Jungle Book" and bed.

This morning, we went to Joel's for breakfast. As we got in the car to go there, Henry said "fish pond" and "up the stairs." When we arrived at the restaurant, Miss R and I sat under a table with an umbrella near the fountain. I held Miss R, drinking my coffee, as Jeff ran around monitoring Henry. A huge wind gust blew the table almost over, spilling water and coffee everywhere. Luckily, the coffee missed Miss R and just got on my pants. Four people came to my rescue and got the table back up. We ended up moving to a more secure table.

We visited my office afterward. Henry and Miss R loved walking up and down the steps. Miss R even cried when we left the building. I think that she could have spent all day there. We visited the turtle pond before leaving campus.








We came home, and The Twins took a nap. Jeff is now taking them to the grandparents' house so that we can get ready for the party for tomorrow.

Henry's words over the last few days:

350. Chase
351. Elevator
352. Fish pond
353. "Up the stairs!"
354. Tie