Another day, another struggle getting Henry Bear out of bed in the morning. It took me about 20 minutes to do it. He kept burying his face into the mattress. Wouldn't open his eyes. Called out for Roger and Marley...as though they'd save him from the unfair parental intrusion. We were actually better about getting him to bed early last night...well, earlier. It can take a really long time to get him to settle down.
Jeff played with Henry in the afternoon while I was on a conference call. At one point, Jeff told Henry something was goofy. Then, Henry said "Goof ball," which is occasionally something that I call him. We went for our evening walk. He had fun with Brandi, who was sporting a new hair cut. He laughed and played with her. She seemed more comfortable around him tonight.
Made dinner. Henry wasn't interested in eating much. A bite of this. A bite of that. Jeff had to work. I gave Henry a bath. We looked at some pics. Tried to get him into bed around 8:15PM but he probably didn't fall asleep until after 9PM.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Reaching Up High
Alicia reported that Henry was a bit tired today. He'd play for a few minutes but then lay on the floor. Jeff and I had decided earlier in the day that we'd try to get him to bed at 8PM. I think that he is growing and simply needs a little more sleep each night than he needed even last month.When Alicia left, I spent some time with Henry outside. We scattered bird seed (also known as "birdsie" and "booty") in the backyard. I had the big bag on the patio. I got a huge plastic mug. Filled it to the rim. Then, I told Henry that he could choose where he wanted to put it down. He led me to some spots in the desert. I'd hand him the mug. He'd dump it (often a fair amount would land on his feet). Then, he'd proclaim he wanted more. We'd head back to the bag, and the process would start all over again.
Henry climbed our cat tree. He did this last week for the first time. Luckily, our beloved cat tree is very sturdy. When I ordered our cat tree from angelicalcat.com many years ago, Jeff thought that I was out of my mind for spending a goodly bit on cat furniture. But it was worth every penny. We've had it several years, and it is still in excellent shape. It has natural wood featured in its structure, so it isn't as ugly as some cat contraptions. The makers claimed that it would hold up against dogs putting their body weight against it as they tried to chase the cats up the tree. Although our dogs have never tried to put their paws on it, we are so very pleased that it is standing up to Henry, given that he's been trying to climb it.
Henry and I went to Safeway. I reached my goal of getting there before 4:30PM before the after work crowd arrived. It wasn't crowded at all. Henry got to ride in cart with the kids' car in front of it. Can't say that he enjoyed it. He really wanted to run around and was annoyed when I told him that he had to stay in his seat. Parents can be so cruel.
When we got back, we went for a walk with the dogs. Jeff and I made dinner. Henry managed to get a glass bottle from the far counter. Jeff made chicken sausage for himself and Henry. I made collard greens and corn. While Jeff was cutting up a strawberry and warming two falafel on the counter about five feet from the stove, it hit home that Henry is getting tall...dangerously tall. He reached for the stove and tried to get a knife. I got to him before he played with it...thank goodness. A few minutes later, when dinner was just about done, Henry reached up for the plate with the falafel and strawberry on it, got his fingers on it, and sent it crashing to the floor. It was of course ceramic, so Jeff spent the next five minutes vacuuming while I tried to distract Henry in the living room as my collard greens ingredients got charred in the skillet. Sigh.
For some reason, we just didn't see this coming. I noticed today that he looked a little taller than Karina. On Tuesday, I caught Henry trying to scale the counter where we keep our mail. In essence, we should have known better. But we figured that if we pushed our dishes four inches from the edge, he wouldn't be able to get these things. We need to do another round of Henry proofing, that's obvious now.
1-2-3-4
Yesterday, Henry had some baby food with rice cereal or oatmeal. Then, Alicia gave him a piece of waffle. Apparently, he started gagging on the waffle and everything came back up. Sigh. I don't know what's going on there. Two vomits in two days. Double sigh.
Jeff and I had our seventh training session for foster/adoption. On the way to class, Jeff and I discussed the merits of foster care/adoption vs. private/overseas adoption. Jeff said that he could see why people go the latter routes. Quicker. Easier. It costs more money for the latter, but in essence, by taking the foster care/adoption route, one is spending a good deal of time becoming a social worker w/o pay. The number of meetings involved after one gets the child is staggering. But Jeff and I are still committed to this route b/c we want to help children in our community. We just don't want to give lip service to community involvement. Hopefully, by helping a child or two or three, we'll be giving back in a real way (not just writing a check). We think that we might do some respite care while waiting for a placement. Respite care involves taking in a child for an afternoon or couple days, giving the foster parents a break if they need one or if something has come up in their lives that requires immediate attention.
As we had hoped, the classes are getting us to think about what kind of children we are willing to take into our home. It would nice to be able to think that we'd be open to just about anybody, but realistically, that's not the way it is going to work, especially because we have Henry to think about. Many of these children have been abused in many ways. Unfortunately, those who have been abused sometimes lash out at innocent others, which perpetuates that cycle of abuse. Sometimes other children in the home become victims.
As I have mentioned before, our screen going into this program is for children 0-4 years old. We are having some second thoughts about whether or not 4 years is actually too high an age in comparison to Henry's. I think that we'd like to stick to Henry's age or younger. Obviously, the tighter the screen, the less likely one is to get a placement. The agency doesn't care if the family screen is really tight, keeping in mind that if people say that they are only interested in white girls with blue eyes, blond hair, born in the month of November of 2007, they are much less likely to get a placement. But the agency does mind if families "try a kid out" and then tell the agency later that they want the child removed. As we have been told numerous times, getting a foster child isn't like trying on a new pair of shoes. They prefer we have tight screens that will truly match our needs (as well as the child's needs) so that the likelihood of the child being "disrupted" is minimal. Every time a foster child is moved from home to home, that "disruption" (lack of stability) damages their psyche. We learned that "disruptions" to the attachment process (whereby children have a psychological need to "attach" to at least one adult as they grow up) can result in learning disabilities, even if the child was not born with a genetic problem or brain damage. "Disruptions" cause a spiral of grief (being separated from a known, attached adult) that hinders the processing of short-term memory (hence foster and adopted children don't do as well in school on average).
Right now, Jeff and I are weighing the pros and cons of taking in "babies." Is the 0-6 month age right for our family? We had actually intended to get into this process for taking care of preemies. We are wondering whether that would be good for Henry or whether it would be better simply to say that we want to take care of toddlers or older babies (6 months to 3 years old). I think that we could do a baby (I mean, we would if it was our biological child, right?), but as Jeff rightly points, it is a little different b/c we do have full-time jobs. I won't be taking maternity leave. If one of us was a stay-at-home parent, it wouldn't be an issue. In our opinion, for babies especially, there is no question in our minds that children's needs are served best by having a stay-at-home parent. No question. Unfortunately, it isn't been a realistic option for us. If we took in a baby that was a "drug" baby, how would that affect Henry? What if the child screamed all night, as many drug babies often do because they are in "chronic pain" not just colic? Would we have the stamina to take care of the baby's needs, Henry's needs, and then work full-time?
The way the process works is that when CPS informs A Place to Call Home (APTCH) about a child, the family specialists call families who have screens that would include the child's known profile (I say "known" b/c sometimes not a lot is known about these children). Then, the APTCH family specialist calls the matched families and says, "We have a child who has a profile of [fill-in-the-blank]. Are you interested?" If yes, then the APTCH family specialist forwards the "yes" families to the CPS case worker who selects the family for the child. When they call us, we can absolutely say "no" if it doesn't seem like the right fit or if there is something going on in our lives that would make a placement at that time not work. Jeff and I came up with a family rule last night that basically says, if either of us has reservations, we will automatically "pass" on the placement. No lobbying the other if the other doesn't think that it will work.
Last night, we were given more examples of a pervasive sub-theme that human insensitivity and cruelty knows no bounds. Phylis told us about one mother who adopted a boy at age 2. When the boy was age 11, she decided that she wanted to become a comedian, so she "unadopted" him. I can't even imagine how painful that was for the child. To be told implicitly that becoming a budding comedian is more important than you. That you are not as worthy. In another example inside their agency in the last couple years, a woman had adopted a child. She found a partner who had two kids. The partner and the partner's kids didn't like her child. So, the woman "unadopted" the child. The phrase WTF seems appropriate here. I've also never understood how some people can euthanize their pet when it is healthy but becomes "inconvenient." Truly, people should be screened heavily before they are allowed to have pets or kids.
When we arrived at the grandparents' house to pick up Henry, he was of course wide awake. Apparently, he napped from 5-6:30PM. His new skill, according to Grammy, was counting. He was in the kitchen and knocked over a tin. Grammy told Henry that he had to clean things up. So she picked up one of the objects and dropped it back in the tin and said "One!" Henry picked up the next objected and said "Two!" (unprompted). Grammy picked up the next object and said "Three!" Henry picked up the next one and said (unprompted) "Four!" They picked up the rest and counted to twenty with Henry repeating (not knowing) the numbers after four.
I'll be honest. We were a little (OK...a lot) skeptical when Grammy told us this story. We sometimes think that Grammy exaggerates Henry's abilities. But, she pulled out the tin, and we witnessed him saying "Two! Three!" after Grammy said "One!" I suspect that he does know the order of the numbers 1-2-3 and maybe even 4. That doesn't mean if I pulled out four objects, he would know that the word "four" means four pieces. I am nevertheless impressed that he knows the order of the numbers to 3 or 4. I haven't counted to 10 for him in awhile. I used to sing him to sleep by saying the numbers to 10 forward and backward and in Spanish.
He was a bear to wake up again this morning. He instinctively moved toward my side of the bed as Jeff called his name. He snuggled up close. I am, after all, the weakest link on discipline. And he is so fun to snuggle with. Tonight, we are going to try to get him to bed by 8PM. A lofty goal.
Jeff and I had our seventh training session for foster/adoption. On the way to class, Jeff and I discussed the merits of foster care/adoption vs. private/overseas adoption. Jeff said that he could see why people go the latter routes. Quicker. Easier. It costs more money for the latter, but in essence, by taking the foster care/adoption route, one is spending a good deal of time becoming a social worker w/o pay. The number of meetings involved after one gets the child is staggering. But Jeff and I are still committed to this route b/c we want to help children in our community. We just don't want to give lip service to community involvement. Hopefully, by helping a child or two or three, we'll be giving back in a real way (not just writing a check). We think that we might do some respite care while waiting for a placement. Respite care involves taking in a child for an afternoon or couple days, giving the foster parents a break if they need one or if something has come up in their lives that requires immediate attention.
As we had hoped, the classes are getting us to think about what kind of children we are willing to take into our home. It would nice to be able to think that we'd be open to just about anybody, but realistically, that's not the way it is going to work, especially because we have Henry to think about. Many of these children have been abused in many ways. Unfortunately, those who have been abused sometimes lash out at innocent others, which perpetuates that cycle of abuse. Sometimes other children in the home become victims.
As I have mentioned before, our screen going into this program is for children 0-4 years old. We are having some second thoughts about whether or not 4 years is actually too high an age in comparison to Henry's. I think that we'd like to stick to Henry's age or younger. Obviously, the tighter the screen, the less likely one is to get a placement. The agency doesn't care if the family screen is really tight, keeping in mind that if people say that they are only interested in white girls with blue eyes, blond hair, born in the month of November of 2007, they are much less likely to get a placement. But the agency does mind if families "try a kid out" and then tell the agency later that they want the child removed. As we have been told numerous times, getting a foster child isn't like trying on a new pair of shoes. They prefer we have tight screens that will truly match our needs (as well as the child's needs) so that the likelihood of the child being "disrupted" is minimal. Every time a foster child is moved from home to home, that "disruption" (lack of stability) damages their psyche. We learned that "disruptions" to the attachment process (whereby children have a psychological need to "attach" to at least one adult as they grow up) can result in learning disabilities, even if the child was not born with a genetic problem or brain damage. "Disruptions" cause a spiral of grief (being separated from a known, attached adult) that hinders the processing of short-term memory (hence foster and adopted children don't do as well in school on average).
Right now, Jeff and I are weighing the pros and cons of taking in "babies." Is the 0-6 month age right for our family? We had actually intended to get into this process for taking care of preemies. We are wondering whether that would be good for Henry or whether it would be better simply to say that we want to take care of toddlers or older babies (6 months to 3 years old). I think that we could do a baby (I mean, we would if it was our biological child, right?), but as Jeff rightly points, it is a little different b/c we do have full-time jobs. I won't be taking maternity leave. If one of us was a stay-at-home parent, it wouldn't be an issue. In our opinion, for babies especially, there is no question in our minds that children's needs are served best by having a stay-at-home parent. No question. Unfortunately, it isn't been a realistic option for us. If we took in a baby that was a "drug" baby, how would that affect Henry? What if the child screamed all night, as many drug babies often do because they are in "chronic pain" not just colic? Would we have the stamina to take care of the baby's needs, Henry's needs, and then work full-time?
The way the process works is that when CPS informs A Place to Call Home (APTCH) about a child, the family specialists call families who have screens that would include the child's known profile (I say "known" b/c sometimes not a lot is known about these children). Then, the APTCH family specialist calls the matched families and says, "We have a child who has a profile of [fill-in-the-blank]. Are you interested?" If yes, then the APTCH family specialist forwards the "yes" families to the CPS case worker who selects the family for the child. When they call us, we can absolutely say "no" if it doesn't seem like the right fit or if there is something going on in our lives that would make a placement at that time not work. Jeff and I came up with a family rule last night that basically says, if either of us has reservations, we will automatically "pass" on the placement. No lobbying the other if the other doesn't think that it will work.
Last night, we were given more examples of a pervasive sub-theme that human insensitivity and cruelty knows no bounds. Phylis told us about one mother who adopted a boy at age 2. When the boy was age 11, she decided that she wanted to become a comedian, so she "unadopted" him. I can't even imagine how painful that was for the child. To be told implicitly that becoming a budding comedian is more important than you. That you are not as worthy. In another example inside their agency in the last couple years, a woman had adopted a child. She found a partner who had two kids. The partner and the partner's kids didn't like her child. So, the woman "unadopted" the child. The phrase WTF seems appropriate here. I've also never understood how some people can euthanize their pet when it is healthy but becomes "inconvenient." Truly, people should be screened heavily before they are allowed to have pets or kids.
When we arrived at the grandparents' house to pick up Henry, he was of course wide awake. Apparently, he napped from 5-6:30PM. His new skill, according to Grammy, was counting. He was in the kitchen and knocked over a tin. Grammy told Henry that he had to clean things up. So she picked up one of the objects and dropped it back in the tin and said "One!" Henry picked up the next objected and said "Two!" (unprompted). Grammy picked up the next object and said "Three!" Henry picked up the next one and said (unprompted) "Four!" They picked up the rest and counted to twenty with Henry repeating (not knowing) the numbers after four.
I'll be honest. We were a little (OK...a lot) skeptical when Grammy told us this story. We sometimes think that Grammy exaggerates Henry's abilities. But, she pulled out the tin, and we witnessed him saying "Two! Three!" after Grammy said "One!" I suspect that he does know the order of the numbers 1-2-3 and maybe even 4. That doesn't mean if I pulled out four objects, he would know that the word "four" means four pieces. I am nevertheless impressed that he knows the order of the numbers to 3 or 4. I haven't counted to 10 for him in awhile. I used to sing him to sleep by saying the numbers to 10 forward and backward and in Spanish.
He was a bear to wake up again this morning. He instinctively moved toward my side of the bed as Jeff called his name. He snuggled up close. I am, after all, the weakest link on discipline. And he is so fun to snuggle with. Tonight, we are going to try to get him to bed by 8PM. A lofty goal.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
D-E-F-G
Alica reported that Henry was a bit restless in his nap today. During lunch, he vomited most of his meal up. Sigh.
I came out to play, letting Alicia go a little early. Henry was eager to see them leave so that he could look at "pics." Once he figured out that they had to leave before I'd go with him to my office, he started saying "Bye, bye, bye" a bazillion times. Alicia collected their belongings, including Karina's toilet seat. Henry saw it and said "potty seat." Had no idea that he knew that one (three syllables even!).
Alison from A Place to Call Home did our car inspection and a quick home inspection. She's placed the order for the state's home inspection. That will probably take place in 30 days.
Henry said "Hi!" to Alison. She says that he's got a great personality. Very true, very true. While Alison had her interview with Jeff, Henry and I went outside to throw around some bird seed. My mom picked up Henry and got a chance to meet Alison.
Jeff and I started on our taxes but didn't get very far due to some computer glitches. I had a WW meeting in the evening. Jeff dropped me off. Picked up Henry and then swung back to pick me up. Henry was wide awake. We sang our ABCs on the way home. Turns out he knows D-E-F-G in addition to A-B-C.
Henry was awake when we arrived home. He played a little bit in the living room but then announced that it was time for "bed" and he wanted his "bot." Jeff passed out on the bed with him. I was anticipating that Jeff would get back up...but it is about 2.5 hours later, so I suspect that he is down for the night.
That's all from the Wild Kingdom.
I came out to play, letting Alicia go a little early. Henry was eager to see them leave so that he could look at "pics." Once he figured out that they had to leave before I'd go with him to my office, he started saying "Bye, bye, bye" a bazillion times. Alicia collected their belongings, including Karina's toilet seat. Henry saw it and said "potty seat." Had no idea that he knew that one (three syllables even!).
Alison from A Place to Call Home did our car inspection and a quick home inspection. She's placed the order for the state's home inspection. That will probably take place in 30 days.
Henry said "Hi!" to Alison. She says that he's got a great personality. Very true, very true. While Alison had her interview with Jeff, Henry and I went outside to throw around some bird seed. My mom picked up Henry and got a chance to meet Alison.
Jeff and I started on our taxes but didn't get very far due to some computer glitches. I had a WW meeting in the evening. Jeff dropped me off. Picked up Henry and then swung back to pick me up. Henry was wide awake. We sang our ABCs on the way home. Turns out he knows D-E-F-G in addition to A-B-C.
Henry was awake when we arrived home. He played a little bit in the living room but then announced that it was time for "bed" and he wanted his "bot." Jeff passed out on the bed with him. I was anticipating that Jeff would get back up...but it is about 2.5 hours later, so I suspect that he is down for the night.
That's all from the Wild Kingdom.
A-B-C
We took Henry to Grandpa and Grammy's house on Monday. He now calls Grammy "Gaebbie" (like Gabby with a long A vowel sound).
Jeff and I had our sixth training session for foster/adoption. It was a good class. We discussed all of the paperwork that we will have to fill out once we get a placement. We also discussed Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for when the children go to school if they have special needs. We learned that our school district, the infamous TUSD, has a reputation for trying to cut a buck here and there by denying special needs children the resources they need (and to which they have a right under the law). Great.
When we returned to the grandparents' house, Gaebbie asked Henry to show us his new skill...saying A-B-C! And then expecting lots of applause of course.
Henry feel sound asleep in the car. This morning, he was really hard to wake up. He didn't even open his eyes when we rubbed his back or called his name. Jeff ended up changing his diaper in bed. That finally did wake him up...and he wasn't happy either.
I just saw Henry in the kitchen (9:40AM). He gave me a hug and then spread out on the floor, like he was going to take a nap. We suspect that he is having a growth spurt again. Probably needs more sleep. We'll try to get him to bed early tonight.
Jeff and I had our sixth training session for foster/adoption. It was a good class. We discussed all of the paperwork that we will have to fill out once we get a placement. We also discussed Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for when the children go to school if they have special needs. We learned that our school district, the infamous TUSD, has a reputation for trying to cut a buck here and there by denying special needs children the resources they need (and to which they have a right under the law). Great.
When we returned to the grandparents' house, Gaebbie asked Henry to show us his new skill...saying A-B-C! And then expecting lots of applause of course.
Henry feel sound asleep in the car. This morning, he was really hard to wake up. He didn't even open his eyes when we rubbed his back or called his name. Jeff ended up changing his diaper in bed. That finally did wake him up...and he wasn't happy either.
I just saw Henry in the kitchen (9:40AM). He gave me a hug and then spread out on the floor, like he was going to take a nap. We suspect that he is having a growth spurt again. Probably needs more sleep. We'll try to get him to bed early tonight.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Applesauce Shampoo and Facial
On Friday, Jeff and Henry played in the afternoon, while I had my conference call. We had our evening walk. One of Henry's big things this past week was rolling the cat food bin from the pantry into the living room and sending it down the slide (with Jeff's help). I'm thrilled at this new development. If that doesn't have disaster written all over it, I don't know what does.
On Saturday, we went to Tohono Chul Park for breakfast. Ran into Nancy from my work. It was fun showing Henry off. She sees a bit of Grandpa in him from the side. After breakfast, we dropped Henry off at Grandma and Grandpa's house for a couple hours while Jeff and I ran errands. We had to purchase some things for the house to bring everything up to code for our home inspection from the state. Alison is going to do another run through the house on Tuesday just to make sure that we are making progress, and she'll be interviewing Jeff as well. Henry was asleep when we returned to the grandparents' house around 2:30PM. Grandma and Grandpa were headed off to a UA b-ball game. After Henry woke up, we returned home. Went for a walk with the dogs. Ran into Hal. Swanee had told him of our foster-adopt plans. He was supportive. I made dinner. Henry wasn't terribly hungry, and he was very tired.
On Sunday, Jeff and Henry let me sleep in while they walked the dogs and ate breakfast. Henry made a huge mess of lunch and didn't eat much. He used his applesauce to give himself a shampoo and facial. Jeff reminded me that Cuyler once said that messy eaters tend to have less oral aversions and are good eaters in the long run. If that's true, we should have no worries about Henry! I ended up giving him a shower. He didn't like having his head under the shower head. Later in the afternoon, he visited Grandma and Grandpa. He spent his time spreading the leaf piles that Grandma had swept up. I stayed home and went through old receipts. Trying to put some order into our filing chaos. Jeff went over to my parents' house for dinner. Henry came back home sound asleep.
On Saturday, we went to Tohono Chul Park for breakfast. Ran into Nancy from my work. It was fun showing Henry off. She sees a bit of Grandpa in him from the side. After breakfast, we dropped Henry off at Grandma and Grandpa's house for a couple hours while Jeff and I ran errands. We had to purchase some things for the house to bring everything up to code for our home inspection from the state. Alison is going to do another run through the house on Tuesday just to make sure that we are making progress, and she'll be interviewing Jeff as well. Henry was asleep when we returned to the grandparents' house around 2:30PM. Grandma and Grandpa were headed off to a UA b-ball game. After Henry woke up, we returned home. Went for a walk with the dogs. Ran into Hal. Swanee had told him of our foster-adopt plans. He was supportive. I made dinner. Henry wasn't terribly hungry, and he was very tired.
On Sunday, Jeff and Henry let me sleep in while they walked the dogs and ate breakfast. Henry made a huge mess of lunch and didn't eat much. He used his applesauce to give himself a shampoo and facial. Jeff reminded me that Cuyler once said that messy eaters tend to have less oral aversions and are good eaters in the long run. If that's true, we should have no worries about Henry! I ended up giving him a shower. He didn't like having his head under the shower head. Later in the afternoon, he visited Grandma and Grandpa. He spent his time spreading the leaf piles that Grandma had swept up. I stayed home and went through old receipts. Trying to put some order into our filing chaos. Jeff went over to my parents' house for dinner. Henry came back home sound asleep.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Correcting His Mommy
Alicia had to leave a little early today. So I spent some of the afternoon with Henry. His latest interest is sitting in his playpen that's filled with toys. In fact, we really haven't used it as a playpen since last spring. Since that time, it has been used as a open toy chest. Anyway, he has been requesting us to put him in it, which is a bit of a task, making sure that toys don't topple over on him.
He let me clip his toe nails today without a struggle. Previously, we had to wait until he was asleep and completely passed out to work on his nails. I did have to bribe him with a youtube.com video to get him distracted, but he knew what I was doing. Feels like he is becoming more mature every day.I forgot to mention on our last post that yesterday, Henry played a hiding came with Dada. Henry would hide a toy mouse and they'd go and look for it. We learned this week that he knows how to say "mouse" and "mice."
It was very rainy today. We went on a muddy dog walk before it turned completely dark. Henry was placed in the backpack and we marched off. He loves calling out for Roger and Marley when they wander too far. Roger was hyper this evening, which is not like him. He acted like someone had given him a bagful of chocolate covered espresso beans or something. Henry called out Roger's name very clearly. Excellent enunciation.
Before dinner, Henry managed to get into our computer area off the kitchen. This is where Jeff's building our super computer (lots of storage for Henry pictures and video). Henry turned on the super computer. Got into the chair and then turned on the monitor by himself. But he hasn't master the keyboard functions yet...that's next week's task.
Henry had a big dinner. After dinner, I asked Henry to give Marley and Roger treats. This is sometimes challenging b/c he wants to give the treat to any animal other than the one whom I've specified. If I give him a beef stick and say "Would you please give this Roger?" He'll try to give it to Bitsy. Anyway, tonight I gave him some nice smelling biscuits from Trader Joes. The kind of smell like less sugary cookies. He gave the first one to Roger, like I told him to. The second one, he was supposed to give it to Marley but wandered off in another direction. I told him to come back. When I caught up with him, he'd taken a chomp of the biscuit. I told him to spit it out but he swallowed it. Ugh!
And then we played. Jeff read aloud from "Order of the Phoenix" as Henry and I played golf and stuff. At one point, Henry was in the ball pit. I'm convinced that asking him about the color of the balls is the best way to learn colors. I asked him, "Henry, could you get me a green ball?" Henry looked at me and said, "Please?" I was a bit stunned at being corrected by a 17 month old on basic etiquette. At some point, I asked him about another ball and was corrected a second time. OK, so I'm now feeling kind of sheepish. My child was right. I had in fact not used the magic word when making a request. Clearly, he has better manners than I do. I'm going to have to watch myself in the future. To my credit, I don't eat dog biscuits.
Henry took a bath. We had our computer time. He's in bed with Jeff now.
Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 5 & A Home Inspection
On Tuesday afternoon, Alison, our family specialist, inspected the house and interviewed me for about two hours. Alicia went home after Henry's nap. Basically, I gave my family history and work history. I had to describe my parents and sisters in three adjectives each. It was hard to narrow it down to three.
Dad: well-read, loyal, caring
Mom: well-read, efficient, caring
Carolyn: hardworking, sensitive/intuitive, caring or smart* (can't remember which but at some point, I said that all of them could be classified as smart)
Erin: smart, active, funny
For Jeff, she just asked me to characterize him:
* a good person through and through
* hardworking/smart
* a lot of fun to be around
* the best father on the planet
The interview went a little bit slower than I anticipated b/c Henry didn't stay down from his nap as long as usual. Guess he was too revved up from Obama's speech or something. He ran around while I watched him and tried to answer Alison's questions. Alison asked about how we had learned to parent. I said that a lot of it probably comes from how we were raised. But that I also read a lot. I told her that when you bring home a medically fragile child, you don't have a large margin of error for screw ups like you do with a full-term child. You have to get it right the first time around. For example, oxygen. When a child is on oxygen, it has to work. Failure is not an option.
Alison is returning next Tuesday for her interview with Jeff and another home inspection. We need grips on the bathtub bottoms and two medical lock boxes. Plus, we need to put some magnet locks on the cabinets. The plastic ones won't do for the state inspection.
On Tuesday evening, Henry wanted what was in my mug. He pointed to it and said "coffee." It was actually hot tea (decaf Earl Grey with milk). I've made coffee a handful of times since he was born. Grandma and Grandpa must drink it around him (although they usually drink it in the morning and when he visits, he usually goes in the afternoon). I don't know where he picks up these things.
On Wednesday, we dropped him off at Grandma and Grandpa's house. In the car, I learned that Henry knows where his knees are. We've got a good number of body parts down pat.
Jeff and I had our training. We had to fill out a "strengths/needs" sheet. There are 12 attributes needed in foster parents. We had to look at the 12, and identify two that were our strengths and two that we may need to work on and why.
Strengths: (1) Know your own family and (2) Build self-esteem.
Why?
(1) We know Henry by paying attention to his non-verbal and verbal cues.
(2) We build Henry's self-esteem through lots of cheering and clapping when he accomplishes something.
Needs: (1) Partnering, and (2) Becoming loss and attachment experts.
Why?
(1) Jeff and I work well as partners together, but partnering as a foster parents sometimes means working with the child's biological parents, especially if there is a case plan with the goal of the child reunifying with the parents. This may be difficult for us if the parents were abusing the child. I'll try to keep an open mind, but there are some crimes for which I do not think parents should get second chances (e.g., sexual abuse).
(2) Neither Jeff nor I have experienced loss or attachment the way in which many foster children have. I'm not claiming that we've had the perfect lives or anything. But many of the losses that we have experienced were part of the natural life cycle (e.g., grand parents who lived long lives). I remember well when my sister Meagan was born too early and died in 1982. Almost losing Henry or coming uncomfortable close to the line a few times was...hard. We have lost a couple friends in the past couple years, which was unexpected and tragic, and they were young; in my heart I don't think that it was their time to go. But at least we always had familiar support during those times. That's a lot different than a foster child who is thrust into unfamiliar territory and trying to cope with loss. So we categorized "loss and attachment expert" as one of our "needs."
Tonight's session was run by Barbara, a foster mom/trainer. She's fostered many babies and adopted her son through foster care. It was a productive session tonight. Efficient too. One of the other couples mentioned to Barbara how great this session was. We got out early but actually accomplished more than any of the other nights. Snaps to Barbara!
Incidentally, the numbers of our class our dwindling. It used to be packed around the tables. Now, we each have our own space w/o problem. Since a week ago Monday, we are down four couples. Down even more from the first night. I counted about twenty people around the table tonight.
Grandma looked tired when we arrived. Henry knows the word "seat" (which apparently Jeff already knew he knew). Over the last week or so, he's been able to get on his bouncy horse by himself. He gave me a demonstration. And he showed me how he can not only play the piano but hang off the keys and lift his feet from the ground. Henry and I watched the Gummy Bear video on youtube.com in French as Dada had some dessert and watched the UA lose to ASU in b-ball. Then, we headed home. Henry fell asleep in the car. A benefit of him falling asleep is that I get to kiss him on the head w/o protest. These days, he is using the word "No" a lot when I ask him if I can kiss him.
Dad: well-read, loyal, caring
Mom: well-read, efficient, caring
Carolyn: hardworking, sensitive/intuitive, caring or smart* (can't remember which but at some point, I said that all of them could be classified as smart)
Erin: smart, active, funny
For Jeff, she just asked me to characterize him:
* a good person through and through
* hardworking/smart
* a lot of fun to be around
* the best father on the planet
The interview went a little bit slower than I anticipated b/c Henry didn't stay down from his nap as long as usual. Guess he was too revved up from Obama's speech or something. He ran around while I watched him and tried to answer Alison's questions. Alison asked about how we had learned to parent. I said that a lot of it probably comes from how we were raised. But that I also read a lot. I told her that when you bring home a medically fragile child, you don't have a large margin of error for screw ups like you do with a full-term child. You have to get it right the first time around. For example, oxygen. When a child is on oxygen, it has to work. Failure is not an option.
Alison is returning next Tuesday for her interview with Jeff and another home inspection. We need grips on the bathtub bottoms and two medical lock boxes. Plus, we need to put some magnet locks on the cabinets. The plastic ones won't do for the state inspection.
On Tuesday evening, Henry wanted what was in my mug. He pointed to it and said "coffee." It was actually hot tea (decaf Earl Grey with milk). I've made coffee a handful of times since he was born. Grandma and Grandpa must drink it around him (although they usually drink it in the morning and when he visits, he usually goes in the afternoon). I don't know where he picks up these things.
On Wednesday, we dropped him off at Grandma and Grandpa's house. In the car, I learned that Henry knows where his knees are. We've got a good number of body parts down pat.
Jeff and I had our training. We had to fill out a "strengths/needs" sheet. There are 12 attributes needed in foster parents. We had to look at the 12, and identify two that were our strengths and two that we may need to work on and why.
Strengths: (1) Know your own family and (2) Build self-esteem.
Why?
(1) We know Henry by paying attention to his non-verbal and verbal cues.
(2) We build Henry's self-esteem through lots of cheering and clapping when he accomplishes something.
Needs: (1) Partnering, and (2) Becoming loss and attachment experts.
Why?
(1) Jeff and I work well as partners together, but partnering as a foster parents sometimes means working with the child's biological parents, especially if there is a case plan with the goal of the child reunifying with the parents. This may be difficult for us if the parents were abusing the child. I'll try to keep an open mind, but there are some crimes for which I do not think parents should get second chances (e.g., sexual abuse).
(2) Neither Jeff nor I have experienced loss or attachment the way in which many foster children have. I'm not claiming that we've had the perfect lives or anything. But many of the losses that we have experienced were part of the natural life cycle (e.g., grand parents who lived long lives). I remember well when my sister Meagan was born too early and died in 1982. Almost losing Henry or coming uncomfortable close to the line a few times was...hard. We have lost a couple friends in the past couple years, which was unexpected and tragic, and they were young; in my heart I don't think that it was their time to go. But at least we always had familiar support during those times. That's a lot different than a foster child who is thrust into unfamiliar territory and trying to cope with loss. So we categorized "loss and attachment expert" as one of our "needs."
Tonight's session was run by Barbara, a foster mom/trainer. She's fostered many babies and adopted her son through foster care. It was a productive session tonight. Efficient too. One of the other couples mentioned to Barbara how great this session was. We got out early but actually accomplished more than any of the other nights. Snaps to Barbara!
Incidentally, the numbers of our class our dwindling. It used to be packed around the tables. Now, we each have our own space w/o problem. Since a week ago Monday, we are down four couples. Down even more from the first night. I counted about twenty people around the table tonight.
Grandma looked tired when we arrived. Henry knows the word "seat" (which apparently Jeff already knew he knew). Over the last week or so, he's been able to get on his bouncy horse by himself. He gave me a demonstration. And he showed me how he can not only play the piano but hang off the keys and lift his feet from the ground. Henry and I watched the Gummy Bear video on youtube.com in French as Dada had some dessert and watched the UA lose to ASU in b-ball. Then, we headed home. Henry fell asleep in the car. A benefit of him falling asleep is that I get to kiss him on the head w/o protest. These days, he is using the word "No" a lot when I ask him if I can kiss him.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
"Obama" is the Word of the Day
Yesterday, Henry went over to the grandparents' in the afternoon. Jeff and I did paperwork and then some more paperwork. Henry was fast asleep when he came home.
Today is Inauguration Day. Alicia noted that our children will never know a time when there wasn't a black president in our nation's history. We watched Obama's inaugural address, which I thought was a fine speech. Henry watched the speech as well.
The word of the day is "Obama."
Today is Inauguration Day. Alicia noted that our children will never know a time when there wasn't a black president in our nation's history. We watched Obama's inaugural address, which I thought was a fine speech. Henry watched the speech as well.
The word of the day is "Obama."
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Diving into the Ball Pit
Today was a pretty easy going day. We had breakfast at home in the morning. Played around the living room. Henry's latest trick is getting into the ball pit himself by leaning over the side and falling into it. He seems to enjoy the dive. Not exactly the most graceful maneuver. But whatever works.
Henry took a nap. While he did so, Jeff took down some Christmas decorations. And I filled out paper work. Lots of paperwork for the foster care/adoption. Who lived in my house as a child at various intervals of age? How did my family express themselves when they were angry, sad, stressed, frustrated, happy, etc.? Do I feel education is important to child development? How would I describe my husband? How did we meet? What do I like best about him, and what do I wish I could change? What would he say about me? Why do we want to do foster care/adoption? What will be most difficult about having a foster child in our home? Etc.
We also had "road work" (i.e., homework for class). One bit of homework involved reading a hellacious story about a 14 year old who had been sexually abused by an uncle for several years and by a grand father who abused her as an infant, physically abused by her father who thought that she enticed the uncle, and then was given drugs and alcohol to use by her mother. One of the questions to ponder is: What steps does this family need to take in order to be reunited? My feelings are: Are you fill-in-the-blank kidding me? Reunited? Her family is poison. Poor child. All four of the adults should be thrown in jail indefinitely. I suspect at this might not be the answer that the agency wants to hear.
We then headed to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the Eagles-Cardinals game. While my parents and Jeff watched the game, I took Henry outside. Henry guided me through my parents' side yard, out a gate, around to the front of the house, and to the mail box. He pointed at the mail box and said "mail." Must be something he does with Grammy b/c Jeff and I never take him to our mailbox. He was a bit disappointed that there was not mail in the box, but we looked several times nonetheless.
We came home. Henry had another nap. Jeff took the dogs for a walk because it was dusk. Henry woke up about 5 minutes after Jeff left and called out for "Daddy!" I got his jacket and shoes on him. We then started the trek to find Dada. We stopped by the horse corral. Dakota visited us. I was a bit hesitant about Dakota b/c our last encounter about two nights previous ended with him turning his back on us and lifting up his tail and dropping a load. I suspect he was annoyed that we just wanted to pet him and didn't bring any food offerings with us. Since that encounter, Henry has mentioned poop several times in the context of talking about horses. Dakota was fine. He spent a good deal of time smelling me. Henry pet him on the head. We left on a good note, I think.
We ran into Jeff, Hal, and Swanee on their way back from the walk. Annie came barreling over to greet us. Luke gave Henry a kiss. Luke is the Ridgeback pictured above. He is a big fellow.
When we came home, Henry played with Bitsy and tried to give her a hug. Not the best idea b/c Bitsy's idea of loving interactions are...unique...and usually involve drawing blood (at least with me). I have no doubt that she thinks that she is being loving. Anyway, she didn't scratch Henry. I guess that they have some sort of special communication going on.
Had a nice dinner. Managed to sneak some asparagus into Henry without much protest.
After dinner, it was play time again. I read some more from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." It has taking us a lot longer to get through these books ever since Henry started walking.
Henry had a bath. Before the bath, he ran around in his diaper trying to climb into his crib. Apparently, he knows the word "crib" as well. We had our computer time. And then it was time for bed. He and Jeff are passed out in the rocking chair at the moment. That's all for now.
Henry took a nap. While he did so, Jeff took down some Christmas decorations. And I filled out paper work. Lots of paperwork for the foster care/adoption. Who lived in my house as a child at various intervals of age? How did my family express themselves when they were angry, sad, stressed, frustrated, happy, etc.? Do I feel education is important to child development? How would I describe my husband? How did we meet? What do I like best about him, and what do I wish I could change? What would he say about me? Why do we want to do foster care/adoption? What will be most difficult about having a foster child in our home? Etc.
We also had "road work" (i.e., homework for class). One bit of homework involved reading a hellacious story about a 14 year old who had been sexually abused by an uncle for several years and by a grand father who abused her as an infant, physically abused by her father who thought that she enticed the uncle, and then was given drugs and alcohol to use by her mother. One of the questions to ponder is: What steps does this family need to take in order to be reunited? My feelings are: Are you fill-in-the-blank kidding me? Reunited? Her family is poison. Poor child. All four of the adults should be thrown in jail indefinitely. I suspect at this might not be the answer that the agency wants to hear.
We then headed to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the Eagles-Cardinals game. While my parents and Jeff watched the game, I took Henry outside. Henry guided me through my parents' side yard, out a gate, around to the front of the house, and to the mail box. He pointed at the mail box and said "mail." Must be something he does with Grammy b/c Jeff and I never take him to our mailbox. He was a bit disappointed that there was not mail in the box, but we looked several times nonetheless.
We came home. Henry had another nap. Jeff took the dogs for a walk because it was dusk. Henry woke up about 5 minutes after Jeff left and called out for "Daddy!" I got his jacket and shoes on him. We then started the trek to find Dada. We stopped by the horse corral. Dakota visited us. I was a bit hesitant about Dakota b/c our last encounter about two nights previous ended with him turning his back on us and lifting up his tail and dropping a load. I suspect he was annoyed that we just wanted to pet him and didn't bring any food offerings with us. Since that encounter, Henry has mentioned poop several times in the context of talking about horses. Dakota was fine. He spent a good deal of time smelling me. Henry pet him on the head. We left on a good note, I think.
We ran into Jeff, Hal, and Swanee on their way back from the walk. Annie came barreling over to greet us. Luke gave Henry a kiss. Luke is the Ridgeback pictured above. He is a big fellow.
When we came home, Henry played with Bitsy and tried to give her a hug. Not the best idea b/c Bitsy's idea of loving interactions are...unique...and usually involve drawing blood (at least with me). I have no doubt that she thinks that she is being loving. Anyway, she didn't scratch Henry. I guess that they have some sort of special communication going on.
Had a nice dinner. Managed to sneak some asparagus into Henry without much protest.
After dinner, it was play time again. I read some more from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." It has taking us a lot longer to get through these books ever since Henry started walking.
Henry had a bath. Before the bath, he ran around in his diaper trying to climb into his crib. Apparently, he knows the word "crib" as well. We had our computer time. And then it was time for bed. He and Jeff are passed out in the rocking chair at the moment. That's all for now.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Physical Therapy (PT)
On Friday afternoon, we had an appointment with Shirley, Henry's PT, and Elsa, his DDD coordinator. Shirley often brings different toys that have some sort of developmental purpose. This time, she brought a mat that has little feet on it. When baby steps on the foot print, it makes a sounds. We actually have one but forgot about it. Henry had fun with it. She also brought some rings for Henry to handle. Teachings manipulation skills. Henry had an excellent time in the ball bath. He showed Shirley how he can dive into the balls and swing on the bars. Elsa tried to pin down Shirley on how much longer Henry would be needing therapy. And so begins DDD's attempt to get Henry off their rolls so that they don't have to pay for services. Sigh. Henry is doing incredibly. But he is still an "at-risk" child. Not just "kind of, sort of at-risk." A child born as early as Henry was is very much "at-risk" even though he looks fantastic now. Some problems don't appear until the toddler years or elementary school. My gut says that Henry is going to be fine...well, not just fine but fabulous...but my head says that we need to be cautious too. We have no intentions of being sideswiped by these problems, which means that monitoring is important. After all, the whole point of "early intervention" is to catch problems before they become major issues (duh!).Shirley was great. She said, "I can't tell you at what point Henry will no longer need therapy. He needs monitoring. Given his rough start, he is still at-risk." Elsa said that her coordinator wanted to know. Prematurity isn't like fixing a car engine. A lot of the effects are not known. There is no magic playbook.
Shirley asked me if I had any concerns. I have two. They aren't huge, but they exist. They both could be categorized, I suspect, as "sensory" issues. Henry is very sensitive about his hands. Not in a way that prevents him from using them (thank goodness), but he is very protective of them. Part of it has to do with him wanting to be independent and not having people tell him what to do. But the other part, I think, is sensory. I've noticed this since he was less than 3 months adjusted. To date, Shirley is the only person whom I've noticed that he'll let manipulate his hands. When sitting in the car this past week, he held my hand for about a minute on his own initiative. That's the first time he's done that (except when he needs someone to help him down a hill or step). A related sensory issue is his shoulders. He is very sensitive about them. Place your hands on his shoulders, and he'll try to get them off as soon as possible. I've noticed this since he was 5 months adjusted when giving him massages. The shoulders were, and still are, a sensitive zone. Again, it isn't to the point of impairment by any stretch, but it isn't quite "normal" either.
We went for a walk in the evening as usual. Ran into Yvonne and "the girls." Henry made the rounds and pet everyone. He called Precious (black lab) "Pres-she."We played in the ball pit. I handed him a ball and asked him what color it was. He said "blue" (it was indeed a blue ball). Jeff was floored. We haven't tried to actively teach him numbers, letters, or colors yet. When I see a toy, I'll sometimes mention its color, but that's about it. While he was in the ball pit, I figured that maybe I should be more proactive in teaching him things, but I don't want to end up like the parents in Parenthood who run around with flashcards. We spent about 5-10 minutes throwing balls out of the ball pit onto the living room rug. As I handed him a ball for him to throw, I mentioned its color.
We gave Henry a bath. He and Jeff have now named most of the bath animals...Carl Coral, Otto the Elephant, Crabby the Crab, Cayman the Turtle. Henry went to bed at a reasonable hour...about 9PM, I thnk. For him, that's early. Anything before 10PM is early.
Henry's been drooling like crazy. We think that one of the bottom molars is coming in. For the past couple weeks, he's been drooling and sticking his hand in his mouth.
Saturday was Family Day. We went to Joel's Bistro in the morning. Henry had a fabulous time. We sat outside as usual. There were lots of kids in the courtyard...more than we've ever seen. Lots of babies about a year old in strollers. A couple kids Henry's age. A couple kids a little older. A boy named Miles took a liking to Henry. Henry enjoyed the attention. Miles was probably about 5 years old. He told Jeff that Henry talked funny. Miles showed Henry how to find leaves and put them in the fountain and watch them float. Henry caught on right away. Henry ate lots of potatoes for breakfast. Some pancake, a bite of egg, but potatoes were the winner.
We went to my office to water my plants afterward. Henry learned the word "office." He enjoyed sitting in my chair.
We walked around campus a bit. Went to the turtle pond but didn't see any turtles. Came home. Had a nice 2 hour nap. Played. Jeff reported that Henry managed to get in and out of the ball pit by himself. That's a first. Went for a late afternoon walk. Jeff managed to find a missing nut to the wagon handle as we left the driveway. Finding it was amazing luck. Then, we managed to lose it again, but found it on our return. The not-so-great part of the walk was when Henry decided to take Roger's lead and go off road (a few steps anyway), tripped, and got some cholla in his shoes. Amazing that he didn't get it in his hands (thank goodness). For non-desert dwellers, cholla is a type of cactus that is pernicious. It is designed to stick. There isn't a child (or adult) who lives in the area who hasn't gotten it in them at some point. But we'd rather that Henry wait on that fun experience for when he's a little older.
We had dinner in the living room. Black beans, falafel, and banana for Henry. He did some of the spooning himself. The UA vs. USC b-ball game was on. Henry got bored after he was done eating. As Henry ran out of the room, Jeff wondered, "How do we get this kid interested in TV?" We really wanted to watch the game, but we ended up recording it. Henry wanted a bath, so we obliged. He again went to bed at a reasonable hour after looking at pics with me for 10-15 minutes on my computer. I had promised him that we could look at pics if he let us wash his hair.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 4
On Wednesday, my parents took care of Henry in the evening, while Jeff and I went to foster/adoption training. Honestly, it wasn't a stellar class. I managed to get both annoyed and bored during it.
Annoyed. A good thing is that we met Alison, our family specialist. We should have met with one the first night. Better late than never, I guess. She asked us where our paper work was (I felt like someone was telling us how behind we are...when it is their own darn fault...why didn't someone collected it the first night?). I said that we had it filled out the first night but didn't have a family specialist at that time. Robert took our paperwork this past Monday night. She then checked on where it was and said "I just have your criminal history, but you'll need to turn in the rest." Ummm...we did. Filled out LOTS of forms. And made copies of our vehicle registrations/insurance, Henry's vaccination records, animal vaccination records, social security cards, bank statements, etc., all per instructions that we were sent over the holiday.
Bored. It wasn't a content heavy class. The instructor kept asking "OK, is everyone with me?" for the umpteenth time. My feeling is that if someone doesn't "get" a basic instruction like "Sign this form" or "Pass this sheet of paper around" when the instructions are given multiple times, they probably don't have the attention span to be a parent. The last 45 minutes were spent on yet another "get to know you" activity. It was fun. And I like our classmates, but I can't help but think that this isn't exactly rigorous training to become a foster parent. Maybe they just have to "fill" 38 hours. It really isn't about the training but about seeing who is willing to jump through a 38 hour hoop. Guess it is working. Some people have already dropped out.
One classmate, whom I will call Gal S (we have agreed as a class to honor each other's privacy and not discuss names outside of class), said that she was a little leery of the system given a story told by Robert Monday night about a mom who was taking care of a couple foster children. She had adopted, I think, one or two as well. Anyway, she was giving foster baby a bath and noticed a slight bruise near baby's diaper area. She didn't think much of it. Bruises do happen. Don't know how it got in the diaper area but kids do fall in all sorts of ways. Baby goes on a biological home visit over the weekend. Biological mom also notices the bruise. Biological mom calls CPS and wants to know why foster mom gets to keep baby when she's doing no better than bio mom. Not exactly the most astute argument that could be made, but nonetheless, CPS responded by calling the police and getting all kids out of the house, including foster mom's adopted kids. An investigation was conducted. No wrongdoing was found. But wow. Having your legal children taken away from you b/c some crack mom wants to stick it to you. Yikes. Roberts point was that you need to document everything, even slight scratches in incident reports, to avoid this scenario. But I think that it still leaves us parents worried that our kids could be pulled out of our homes b/c some crack head parent wants to stick it to us b/c they resent their situation. Henry gets a couple bumps and bruises a week. Small ones of course. I wouldn't be surprised if he has had a slight bruise that I did not notice. It's possible. Just found a slight one yesterday on his left shin. Anyway, the described scenario gave us parents pause. Phylis was kind of like...well, you take chances. Can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. These are the facts. But we tend to give worse case scenarios so that you are prepared.
Another classmate, Lady C, asked if we would be taking drug tests. A reasonable question. But apparently they don't do that. Not that they couldn't, but they don't as a general rule unless someone seems suspicious. Doesn't it seem like all foster parents should be required to take them? One way to prevent druggies from trying to become foster parents for the money. Besides, the major nanny agencies in town have all of their employees take drug tests.
Henry was super cute when we picked him up. He is a great eater for my parents. My mom mentioned yesterday that she thinks Henry is getting a little pot belly. Maybe he's getting ready to shoot up tall.
He continues to be a bear in the morning to walk up. He's defnitely my son. :-)
On Thursday morning, he decided that he wanted to help Patty mop up the floors. She taught him push-pull. He was fascinated. Then, Karina decided that she wanted the mop too. They had a bit of a tussle.
Jeff gave Henry a bath in the afternoon. He can same the word "Gumby" in reference to his toy. He also says "guys." And...much to Jeff's pleasure, Henry has put together the words "golf balls."
Jeff and Henry took the dogs for a walk. They ran into Hal and Swanee. Roger got cactus in his paw. Jeff ended up chasing him around with the comb. Roger is a huge wuss about his paws. Very hard to get him to let us help him. After Jeff got it out, Henry wanted the comb and then started chasing Roger around with it.
We had Chinese over at my parents' house. Jeff brought Henry home, while I worked with my Dad on something.
That's about it from our end. We have a PT appointment with Shirley this afternoon. Elsa is supposed to be coming as well.
Annoyed. A good thing is that we met Alison, our family specialist. We should have met with one the first night. Better late than never, I guess. She asked us where our paper work was (I felt like someone was telling us how behind we are...when it is their own darn fault...why didn't someone collected it the first night?). I said that we had it filled out the first night but didn't have a family specialist at that time. Robert took our paperwork this past Monday night. She then checked on where it was and said "I just have your criminal history, but you'll need to turn in the rest." Ummm...we did. Filled out LOTS of forms. And made copies of our vehicle registrations/insurance, Henry's vaccination records, animal vaccination records, social security cards, bank statements, etc., all per instructions that we were sent over the holiday.
Bored. It wasn't a content heavy class. The instructor kept asking "OK, is everyone with me?" for the umpteenth time. My feeling is that if someone doesn't "get" a basic instruction like "Sign this form" or "Pass this sheet of paper around" when the instructions are given multiple times, they probably don't have the attention span to be a parent. The last 45 minutes were spent on yet another "get to know you" activity. It was fun. And I like our classmates, but I can't help but think that this isn't exactly rigorous training to become a foster parent. Maybe they just have to "fill" 38 hours. It really isn't about the training but about seeing who is willing to jump through a 38 hour hoop. Guess it is working. Some people have already dropped out.
One classmate, whom I will call Gal S (we have agreed as a class to honor each other's privacy and not discuss names outside of class), said that she was a little leery of the system given a story told by Robert Monday night about a mom who was taking care of a couple foster children. She had adopted, I think, one or two as well. Anyway, she was giving foster baby a bath and noticed a slight bruise near baby's diaper area. She didn't think much of it. Bruises do happen. Don't know how it got in the diaper area but kids do fall in all sorts of ways. Baby goes on a biological home visit over the weekend. Biological mom also notices the bruise. Biological mom calls CPS and wants to know why foster mom gets to keep baby when she's doing no better than bio mom. Not exactly the most astute argument that could be made, but nonetheless, CPS responded by calling the police and getting all kids out of the house, including foster mom's adopted kids. An investigation was conducted. No wrongdoing was found. But wow. Having your legal children taken away from you b/c some crack mom wants to stick it to you. Yikes. Roberts point was that you need to document everything, even slight scratches in incident reports, to avoid this scenario. But I think that it still leaves us parents worried that our kids could be pulled out of our homes b/c some crack head parent wants to stick it to us b/c they resent their situation. Henry gets a couple bumps and bruises a week. Small ones of course. I wouldn't be surprised if he has had a slight bruise that I did not notice. It's possible. Just found a slight one yesterday on his left shin. Anyway, the described scenario gave us parents pause. Phylis was kind of like...well, you take chances. Can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. These are the facts. But we tend to give worse case scenarios so that you are prepared.
Another classmate, Lady C, asked if we would be taking drug tests. A reasonable question. But apparently they don't do that. Not that they couldn't, but they don't as a general rule unless someone seems suspicious. Doesn't it seem like all foster parents should be required to take them? One way to prevent druggies from trying to become foster parents for the money. Besides, the major nanny agencies in town have all of their employees take drug tests.
Henry was super cute when we picked him up. He is a great eater for my parents. My mom mentioned yesterday that she thinks Henry is getting a little pot belly. Maybe he's getting ready to shoot up tall.
He continues to be a bear in the morning to walk up. He's defnitely my son. :-)
On Thursday morning, he decided that he wanted to help Patty mop up the floors. She taught him push-pull. He was fascinated. Then, Karina decided that she wanted the mop too. They had a bit of a tussle.
Jeff gave Henry a bath in the afternoon. He can same the word "Gumby" in reference to his toy. He also says "guys." And...much to Jeff's pleasure, Henry has put together the words "golf balls."
Jeff and Henry took the dogs for a walk. They ran into Hal and Swanee. Roger got cactus in his paw. Jeff ended up chasing him around with the comb. Roger is a huge wuss about his paws. Very hard to get him to let us help him. After Jeff got it out, Henry wanted the comb and then started chasing Roger around with it.
We had Chinese over at my parents' house. Jeff brought Henry home, while I worked with my Dad on something.
That's about it from our end. We have a PT appointment with Shirley this afternoon. Elsa is supposed to be coming as well.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A Gaggle of Dogs
On Tuesday, we went for a walk in the late afternoon. Jeff had taken Henry over to visit Dakota and Outlaw, the horses.
On our walk, Henry gave Marley a couple of very nice hugs. His arms can reach all the way around her waist now. I think that she's happier with him these days. Still needs close monitoring of course. But it is nice to see her accept him.
We ran into Yvonne and her dogs Banjo, Chocolate, and Precious. Banjo is a big hound dog. When Henry saw her, he said "Banjo!" We were surprised that he could identify her by sight b/c we haven't seen "the girls" in a couple weeks. I guess all of those walks in the past have resulted in him learning words before he could verbalize them. Amazing.
He was very interested in Banjo tonight. He said her name several times. His enunciation was excellent. We didn't run into Brandi. She may not have been keen on the large crowd. Henry loved watching the dogs run around and play up and down the road. We learned that we have to watch Chocolate around Henry b/c she tried to nip him. It wasn't aggressive exactly, but she might not know her own strength. It was kind of like she was trying to lick/nip him so that he'd know she was ahead of him in "pack" status. He seemed oblivious to her point of view. He called out her name several times, referring to her as "Choco!" Precious' name was too hard to say. Came out garbled. He also has a hard time with our cat Princess' name, so it isn't surprising that he found it difficult.
We ran into two couples on the way down the road. Henry was incredibly friendly with everyone. Quite the popular guy! He said "Hi" and "Bye" to everyone.
On the way back, we ran into Hal, Annie, and Luke. Henry just loves watching Annie run around. Marley was having fun trying to herd Annie. By this time, we had a gathering of seven dogs. It was a rare event watching Marley truly enjoy playing with other dogs. Jeff monitored Henry closely, much to Henry's chagrin. But the dogs were rambunctious and could easily trample him without noticing a problem. Henry enjoyed kisses from Annie and Luke. Luke simply loves Henry. He lights up when Henry is around. He seems to understand that Henry is the youngest pup of the group.
We came back home. Henry wanted dinner before his chicken was really cooked. So we are saving Jeff's baked chicken for tomorrow. I made soup. Tried something new. It was...mediocre. Bottom line: I'm a menace in the kitchen. We gave Henry a bath. Looked at some pictures on the computer. Henry likes Miss Piggy. Then, Jeff took him to bed. He went down easily. I think that staying up late the night before was getting to him. He was a bear to get out of bed this morning. And Alicia had a hard time getting him up for lunch...at 2PM.
The only other thing worth mentioning is that he is drooling like crazy. More than we have ever seen before. His gum are really bothering him. Hopefully, the teeth will break through soon!
On our walk, Henry gave Marley a couple of very nice hugs. His arms can reach all the way around her waist now. I think that she's happier with him these days. Still needs close monitoring of course. But it is nice to see her accept him.
We ran into Yvonne and her dogs Banjo, Chocolate, and Precious. Banjo is a big hound dog. When Henry saw her, he said "Banjo!" We were surprised that he could identify her by sight b/c we haven't seen "the girls" in a couple weeks. I guess all of those walks in the past have resulted in him learning words before he could verbalize them. Amazing.
He was very interested in Banjo tonight. He said her name several times. His enunciation was excellent. We didn't run into Brandi. She may not have been keen on the large crowd. Henry loved watching the dogs run around and play up and down the road. We learned that we have to watch Chocolate around Henry b/c she tried to nip him. It wasn't aggressive exactly, but she might not know her own strength. It was kind of like she was trying to lick/nip him so that he'd know she was ahead of him in "pack" status. He seemed oblivious to her point of view. He called out her name several times, referring to her as "Choco!" Precious' name was too hard to say. Came out garbled. He also has a hard time with our cat Princess' name, so it isn't surprising that he found it difficult.
We ran into two couples on the way down the road. Henry was incredibly friendly with everyone. Quite the popular guy! He said "Hi" and "Bye" to everyone.
On the way back, we ran into Hal, Annie, and Luke. Henry just loves watching Annie run around. Marley was having fun trying to herd Annie. By this time, we had a gathering of seven dogs. It was a rare event watching Marley truly enjoy playing with other dogs. Jeff monitored Henry closely, much to Henry's chagrin. But the dogs were rambunctious and could easily trample him without noticing a problem. Henry enjoyed kisses from Annie and Luke. Luke simply loves Henry. He lights up when Henry is around. He seems to understand that Henry is the youngest pup of the group.
We came back home. Henry wanted dinner before his chicken was really cooked. So we are saving Jeff's baked chicken for tomorrow. I made soup. Tried something new. It was...mediocre. Bottom line: I'm a menace in the kitchen. We gave Henry a bath. Looked at some pictures on the computer. Henry likes Miss Piggy. Then, Jeff took him to bed. He went down easily. I think that staying up late the night before was getting to him. He was a bear to get out of bed this morning. And Alicia had a hard time getting him up for lunch...at 2PM.
The only other thing worth mentioning is that he is drooling like crazy. More than we have ever seen before. His gum are really bothering him. Hopefully, the teeth will break through soon!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 3
Today was too short on time spent with Henry. Jeff witnessed Henry and Karina getting into an argument. Apparently, Karina threw something down on the ground in a fit. Henry picked it up but then Karina decided that she wanted it back. Henry wouldn't give it to her so she came at him. Sigh. Oh, and he had scratches on him this morning. Wonder how he got those. I'm quite sure it wasn't from Bitsy.
We dropped Henry off at Grandma and Grandpa's house around 5PM. Henry was busy as usual.
Robert, the fellow from the agency who ran tonight's session, called me in the afternoon to say: (1) our new family specialist is Allison...OK that's specialist number 3 whom we gone through (and yet never met), and (2) we are behind on the paper work. A bit frustrating to hear considering that it was Robert who told us last Monday to hold onto our paper work and give it to our family specialist. I informed him that our paper work was done (97% of it was done the first night)...if a family specialist was ever to meet with us. The good news is that Allison is going to keep the appointment that Julie (our second assigned family specialist) set up for Tuesday.
When we arrived, I had to remind Robert that our paper work was done. He almost said hold onto it until tomorrow, but I suggested to him that he take it (already). Luckily, he is a notary, so we didn't have to track down the receptionist, who is also a notary. A couple papers required signatures in front of a notary.
We had "Article 9" training this evening. Basically, it tells us what the foster children's rights are and what we can and cannot do in terms of discipline. Some of the examples of "real" cases were incredibly disturbing.
Foster children have a right to confidentiality, so a foster parent cannot reveal to anyone that the child is a "foster child" unless the person to whom they are speaking is the child's case worker and/or doctor. So if a neighbor asks on our walks, "Who is this?" We say, "This is our child." If the neighbor replies, "I've never seen that child before. How did you suddenly get a 3 year old?" We just have to say, "This is our child." End of story. This applies to our friends as well. Consequently, a person who knows us will have make an inferential leap about the child's status if a child is placed with us. We will never reveal the child's history or status as a foster child.
We learned a lot of acronyms. Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that we heard a lot of acronyms. Jeff was pleased with the session. He felt it was more substantive than the first two sessions. We had to take a test at the end of the class. Of course, we went through a pre-test that was identical to the actual test. To pass, one had to get 80% of the questions answered correctly.
Henry was very cute when we arrived to pick him up. I had a Chipolte vegetarian salad with guacamole. Henry pointed to it, wanting some. I asked him if he wanted guacamole. He repeated "guacamimo." Close enough. He ate about 3-4 bites of the guacamimo. According to my parents, he ate A LOT of food this evening. Potatoes, ham, turkey, yogurt, and pea crisps. In his PJs, you could see the roundness of his little belly. Haven't seen that in awhile. Maybe he's getting ready to shoot up tall again. He was getting very disorganized before we left. His coordination gets way off when he is tired. He didn't fall asleep in the car, except for the last 30 seconds of the ride.
I spent some time on the computer with him before bed. He likes "Beako" or "Beaker" from the Muppets. Jeff took him to bed. He said it didn't take long for him to sack out. That's all for now.
We dropped Henry off at Grandma and Grandpa's house around 5PM. Henry was busy as usual.
Robert, the fellow from the agency who ran tonight's session, called me in the afternoon to say: (1) our new family specialist is Allison...OK that's specialist number 3 whom we gone through (and yet never met), and (2) we are behind on the paper work. A bit frustrating to hear considering that it was Robert who told us last Monday to hold onto our paper work and give it to our family specialist. I informed him that our paper work was done (97% of it was done the first night)...if a family specialist was ever to meet with us. The good news is that Allison is going to keep the appointment that Julie (our second assigned family specialist) set up for Tuesday.
When we arrived, I had to remind Robert that our paper work was done. He almost said hold onto it until tomorrow, but I suggested to him that he take it (already). Luckily, he is a notary, so we didn't have to track down the receptionist, who is also a notary. A couple papers required signatures in front of a notary.
We had "Article 9" training this evening. Basically, it tells us what the foster children's rights are and what we can and cannot do in terms of discipline. Some of the examples of "real" cases were incredibly disturbing.
Foster children have a right to confidentiality, so a foster parent cannot reveal to anyone that the child is a "foster child" unless the person to whom they are speaking is the child's case worker and/or doctor. So if a neighbor asks on our walks, "Who is this?" We say, "This is our child." If the neighbor replies, "I've never seen that child before. How did you suddenly get a 3 year old?" We just have to say, "This is our child." End of story. This applies to our friends as well. Consequently, a person who knows us will have make an inferential leap about the child's status if a child is placed with us. We will never reveal the child's history or status as a foster child.
We learned a lot of acronyms. Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that we heard a lot of acronyms. Jeff was pleased with the session. He felt it was more substantive than the first two sessions. We had to take a test at the end of the class. Of course, we went through a pre-test that was identical to the actual test. To pass, one had to get 80% of the questions answered correctly.
Henry was very cute when we arrived to pick him up. I had a Chipolte vegetarian salad with guacamole. Henry pointed to it, wanting some. I asked him if he wanted guacamole. He repeated "guacamimo." Close enough. He ate about 3-4 bites of the guacamimo. According to my parents, he ate A LOT of food this evening. Potatoes, ham, turkey, yogurt, and pea crisps. In his PJs, you could see the roundness of his little belly. Haven't seen that in awhile. Maybe he's getting ready to shoot up tall again. He was getting very disorganized before we left. His coordination gets way off when he is tired. He didn't fall asleep in the car, except for the last 30 seconds of the ride.
I spent some time on the computer with him before bed. He likes "Beako" or "Beaker" from the Muppets. Jeff took him to bed. He said it didn't take long for him to sack out. That's all for now.
Monday, January 12, 2009
17 Months Adjusted!!!
On Sunday, Henry turned 17 months adjusted. His vocabulary keeps expanding and expanding. He calls Donovan McNabb "Mickey Nabb." He's working on learning the word "Cardinals." But it is much easier to say "Eagles," which he does quite often and expects them to be on the TV.
We went to Tohono Chul Park for breakfast in the morning. We ran into Uncle Richard. We decided to sit in the courtyard. It was warm enough to do so in the sun. Henry was a good eater. He ate French toast and enjoyed making a mess of the powdered sugar on the plate. He also had several bites of my black beans, one of his favorites. As Jeff waited for the bill, Henry and I walked around the garden. A fellow was weeding and had a very large wheel barrow. Henry pushed it a few inches.
We skipped the park and headed straight for the grandparents' house, because I was working on something with Grandpa. Jeff went home and did a fabulous job cleaning our garage that had been neglected for several months. Henry played outside and went up with Grandma to the townhouse. He had fun playing with a hose up there. Came back and fell asleep for about an hour and 15 minutes.
At one point in the afternoon, he banged on the keyboard of the laptop I was using and managed to find some mysterious lock button that screwed up the key functions. Took us about a 1/2 hour to undo whatever he had done.
Henry had a good day reading and playing. Watching the Eagles of course. Grandma said that he had a good lunch. He wasn't so good about eating dinner. He rejected almost everything on his plate but decided that he wanted to share my toast.
We gave him a bath when he came home. I let him look at pics on my computer after the bath, because we hadn't done that all day, and it is his favorite thing to do. Jeff had no problems putting him down to sleep. About an hour later, I heard a stirring on the monitor. Went to check on him. He was sitting up in bed. He settled down as soon as I laid down beside him. What a snuggler!
His rash has subsided. I'm hoping nothing more comes from the measles shot. That's about it. Jeff and I have foster/adoption training tomorrow. Another busy day.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Henry the Dancer
Henry took a long snooze late morning/early afternoon. When he got up, he had some pierogies for the first time and some falafel. He's had falafel lots of times before. But pierogies were new. He refused to eat them until Jeff used the magic word "potato." Suddenly, the pierogies became acceptable. The boys watched the last half of the UA vs. Oregon State b-ball game.
They went for a walk in the early evening. Jeff reported that Brandi let Henry pet her, but she backed away when he tried to hug her. Small steps forward. She is truly a gentle dog but cautious.
Henry played with one of his belatedly given Christmas presents from us. It involves animal magnets and resides on the refrigerator. Henry likes the music that it plays. He gave us a dancing demonstration...
Around 7:30PM, we took Henry to Grandma and Grandpa's house because they were going through Henry withdrawals, not having seen him since Wednesday. Henry only stayed about an hour while Jeff and I did a quick run to Trader Joe's to get goat's milk (and a bunch of yummy but unplanned for purchases). Before we left, Henry tried to give Ramses a hug. He said "Ramses" name the other day and this evening...to add to his list of words.
When we came back, I put Henry to bed. Took awhile to get him settled down. He woke up about an hour ago wanting milk, which is unusual. I'm headed back to bed now.
They went for a walk in the early evening. Jeff reported that Brandi let Henry pet her, but she backed away when he tried to hug her. Small steps forward. She is truly a gentle dog but cautious.
Henry played with one of his belatedly given Christmas presents from us. It involves animal magnets and resides on the refrigerator. Henry likes the music that it plays. He gave us a dancing demonstration...
Around 7:30PM, we took Henry to Grandma and Grandpa's house because they were going through Henry withdrawals, not having seen him since Wednesday. Henry only stayed about an hour while Jeff and I did a quick run to Trader Joe's to get goat's milk (and a bunch of yummy but unplanned for purchases). Before we left, Henry tried to give Ramses a hug. He said "Ramses" name the other day and this evening...to add to his list of words.
When we came back, I put Henry to bed. Took awhile to get him settled down. He woke up about an hour ago wanting milk, which is unusual. I'm headed back to bed now.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Chasing Brandi
On Friday, Henry said three new words: water, spider, and zipper. We went for a walk in the late afternoon/early evening. Here's video of Henry chasing Brandi, a neighborhood pup:
When we got back from the walk, we walked past the kitchen table that's being used as a storage facility. Lots of papers on it. And it contained a box with Henry's new bilingual Elmo potty (with a button for motivational phrases from Elmo in English and Spanish) in it. He saw the box and said "pee." Jeff said, "Did he just say what I think he said?" We put Henry down on the other side of the gate. He had a view of the table. He said something that sounded like "Elmo" and "potty." He said "pee" again. Mind you, this was a potty that was still in a box! He picked it out with me the weekend before, but I had no idea that he knew it was a potty. We are surprised that he knows the relationship between pee and potty. So we took the potty out of the box to let him inspect it. We didn't think he was quite ready for potty training. He doesn't consistently tell us when he is about to pee or poo, but maybe he is ready and we are holding him back. It wouldn't be the first time that we've underestimated his readiness for new challenges.
After dinner, Henry played on his slide and had a bath...
This morning, Henry went for a walk with Dada, Marley, and Roger. After breakfast (at home today), we opened a few remaining Christmas gifts from Aunt Jennifer and our neighbor Yvonne...
Henry really likes his new Baby Animals book. Turns out he knows what hippos and bears are and can say the words without prompting. We were looking at the cover of the book, and Henry pointed to the bears and said "bears." We don't recall teaching him that. We have mentioned Hippos. He has a cartoon Hippo book from Aunt Erin called Hippos Go Berserk, a favorite of mine.
When we got back from the walk, we walked past the kitchen table that's being used as a storage facility. Lots of papers on it. And it contained a box with Henry's new bilingual Elmo potty (with a button for motivational phrases from Elmo in English and Spanish) in it. He saw the box and said "pee." Jeff said, "Did he just say what I think he said?" We put Henry down on the other side of the gate. He had a view of the table. He said something that sounded like "Elmo" and "potty." He said "pee" again. Mind you, this was a potty that was still in a box! He picked it out with me the weekend before, but I had no idea that he knew it was a potty. We are surprised that he knows the relationship between pee and potty. So we took the potty out of the box to let him inspect it. We didn't think he was quite ready for potty training. He doesn't consistently tell us when he is about to pee or poo, but maybe he is ready and we are holding him back. It wouldn't be the first time that we've underestimated his readiness for new challenges.
After dinner, Henry played on his slide and had a bath...
This morning, Henry went for a walk with Dada, Marley, and Roger. After breakfast (at home today), we opened a few remaining Christmas gifts from Aunt Jennifer and our neighbor Yvonne...
Henry really likes his new Baby Animals book. Turns out he knows what hippos and bears are and can say the words without prompting. We were looking at the cover of the book, and Henry pointed to the bears and said "bears." We don't recall teaching him that. We have mentioned Hippos. He has a cartoon Hippo book from Aunt Erin called Hippos Go Berserk, a favorite of mine.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Where did he learn that?
This morning, I got a call from Julie, our family specialist. She wasn't at the last two foster-adoption training sessions, because she was sick. She has been with the agency 1 month, coming from hospice care. She is therefore going to be sitting in on the training with us. She asked me where we were with our paperwork. I said that it has been completed. She seemed surprised but added that she heard we were a good family.
Jeff heard from his boss today re: the company. Jeff had spent yesterday terminating the computer accounts for employees who had been laid off. Received an email from his boss saying that they needed to talk one-on-one yesterday and the boss would be calling him. No call came. So one can imagine how just how fun last night was. Not that we really thought Jeff was going to be laid off, but given how crappy the economy is, it was in the realm of possibilities, although fairly slim. The long and the short of it is that Jeff will be taking a notable pay cut like everyone else remaining in the company (including administrators). Hard times, hard measures. It sounds like the company is trying hard to be sensitive to the needs of their employees, while also keeping the company is decent shape.
Patti, who cleans our house once a week, arrived this morning. Henry called out her name and said "Mic!" Patti knew that "Mic" means music, so she pulled out her small hand-held radio for Henry to play with and dance.
In the afternoon, Henry read some books with Dada. We are pleased to see that he is again interested in books. He was completely obsessed with "pics" over the holidays that book reading truly got the short end of the stick. Turns out that may have been my fault. We originally had kept his books along the step in front of the fireplace. When the holiday season came, I moved the books to his water table (absent water of course). Now that they are back in front of the fire place, they are suddenly very interesting. He had Jeff read him several. After my afternoon conference call, I read three to him.
Then, we went for our late afternoon walk. We went across the street to see Dakota and Outlaw, Nick and Janice's horses. Dakota and Outlaw always watch us as we take our walks. Outlaw was waiting for us at the edge of his corral. He let Henry and me pet his nose. When we walked a few feet to the side to say hello to Dakota, Outlaw sidled Dakota out of the way. Henry was pleased to touch Outlaw's nose. He wanted down of course, which just wasn't going to happen. It's only the second time that I've pet Outlaw, and I was pleased that he was so open and willing to have us touch him. I did let him sniff me a bit before I stroked his cheek. Although we've been neighbors for three years, they only know us by sight. Better to be cautious.
We walked up our road, crossed the wash (Henry let me hold his hand going up and down the hills in the wash), and then down the road toward the end. When we got to the driveway of the last property, Brandi came out to say hello. She is an incredibly sweet dog but has always been a bit hesitant (a good trait in a dog that spends as much time off leash outdoors as she does). Jeff informed me a few days ago that Henry could say her name. He talked about her and Luke the other day in the car. Henry was ecstatic to see Brandi. Brandi was a bit confused and scared of him. He chased her around a bit. She'd run but not very far. Eventually, she and Roger played as they like to do. This set Henry off in a fit of excited giggles. He tried to get in on the fun, but Jeff and I tried to monitor it because we didn't want him to get inadvertently trampled. Roger's backside has a mind of its own and had already knocked Henry down once on the walk. It was probably the most that we've ever seen Henry laugh. I mean, he is a really happy kid. But he was just laughing out loud and laughing and running and laughing. Of course, we didn't have the camera. We're definitely bringing it with us tomorrow.
As I was changing Henry, I noticed a couple of spots on his stomach and one on his face. I'm wondering if this is a rash from the measles shot. Rashes occur for every 1 in 20 who get the MMR. I couldn't find any similar statistics for the measles only shot. But normally for those who get the rash with the MMR, it doesn't appears until 5-12 days after the shot. Anyway, we'll keep a close eye on it.
We decided to go out to dinner and have a "at least you weren't laid off" celebration. We decided to go to the Thai-Chinese place that we went on New Year's Eve. It is new, so it isn't very busy. We haven't been impressed with our Chinese options in Tucson, but we really like this place. Keeping our fingers-crossed that it can make it in this crappy economy. To my surprise, Henry tried and really liked my Hot & Sour soup (vegetarian!). I would have thought the sour taste to be off-putting, but not to my son! He wasn't willing to try Daddy's wonton soup though. His kids meal consisted of fried rice, an egg roll, sweet and sour chicken, and French fries. The French fries were a hit. He had about two or three bites of chicken w/o sauce. He tried the sauce but didn't like it. He had a couple bites of rice. Didn't get around to the egg roll. He has been going through a phase that when he drinks from a cup, he really wants to share his cup with me. If Jeff shares a glass of water with him, Henry will insist that they give Mommy some, even if I already have a glass of my own. It's cute.
He said "Vove, Daddy" at dinner. That's Love, Daddy. When I have tried to get him to say "I Love Daddy" before, he'd say "I ____ Daddy." He'd pause when one would normally say "love" but he doesn't have the L sound down yet so he'd skip it.
We went to Basha's (nearby grocery store). It was an excellent time to go, during off hours, given that we don't take him into crowds. He had fun running up and down the aisles. Definitely kept us on our toes.
We came home. Henry had a bath. He did a new thing in the tub where he would get in a prone position, stretch out his legs, belly down, and straighen his arms to keep his head out of the water. He tried to put his face in the water several times. He doesn't have the "hold your breath" thing down so a little bit of water went up his nose (not much, but enough to give him something to think about). As usual, he was an excellent splasher.
After he got dried off, he wanted to look at "pics" and "mic." It was "Lime in the Coconut" night, although we also listened to the theme from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." During the Coconut song (Muppet's version), Henry shouted out "Doctor!" during the appropriate time in the song. At one point, I let him create his own blog entry. It's the one before this one (in case you hadn't guessed). I showed him an entry from June 12, 2008 where he is riding in a seat on Jeff's bike. Henry calls out "Bike!" Where the heck did he learn that? Jeff and I are puzzled. We can count the number of times that we've taken him riding on the bike. None of those times are recent. We don't recall using the word "bike," so how he knows what a bike is, with no prompting, is a bit of a mystery.
Jeff heard from his boss today re: the company. Jeff had spent yesterday terminating the computer accounts for employees who had been laid off. Received an email from his boss saying that they needed to talk one-on-one yesterday and the boss would be calling him. No call came. So one can imagine how just how fun last night was. Not that we really thought Jeff was going to be laid off, but given how crappy the economy is, it was in the realm of possibilities, although fairly slim. The long and the short of it is that Jeff will be taking a notable pay cut like everyone else remaining in the company (including administrators). Hard times, hard measures. It sounds like the company is trying hard to be sensitive to the needs of their employees, while also keeping the company is decent shape.
Patti, who cleans our house once a week, arrived this morning. Henry called out her name and said "Mic!" Patti knew that "Mic" means music, so she pulled out her small hand-held radio for Henry to play with and dance.
In the afternoon, Henry read some books with Dada. We are pleased to see that he is again interested in books. He was completely obsessed with "pics" over the holidays that book reading truly got the short end of the stick. Turns out that may have been my fault. We originally had kept his books along the step in front of the fireplace. When the holiday season came, I moved the books to his water table (absent water of course). Now that they are back in front of the fire place, they are suddenly very interesting. He had Jeff read him several. After my afternoon conference call, I read three to him.
Then, we went for our late afternoon walk. We went across the street to see Dakota and Outlaw, Nick and Janice's horses. Dakota and Outlaw always watch us as we take our walks. Outlaw was waiting for us at the edge of his corral. He let Henry and me pet his nose. When we walked a few feet to the side to say hello to Dakota, Outlaw sidled Dakota out of the way. Henry was pleased to touch Outlaw's nose. He wanted down of course, which just wasn't going to happen. It's only the second time that I've pet Outlaw, and I was pleased that he was so open and willing to have us touch him. I did let him sniff me a bit before I stroked his cheek. Although we've been neighbors for three years, they only know us by sight. Better to be cautious.
We walked up our road, crossed the wash (Henry let me hold his hand going up and down the hills in the wash), and then down the road toward the end. When we got to the driveway of the last property, Brandi came out to say hello. She is an incredibly sweet dog but has always been a bit hesitant (a good trait in a dog that spends as much time off leash outdoors as she does). Jeff informed me a few days ago that Henry could say her name. He talked about her and Luke the other day in the car. Henry was ecstatic to see Brandi. Brandi was a bit confused and scared of him. He chased her around a bit. She'd run but not very far. Eventually, she and Roger played as they like to do. This set Henry off in a fit of excited giggles. He tried to get in on the fun, but Jeff and I tried to monitor it because we didn't want him to get inadvertently trampled. Roger's backside has a mind of its own and had already knocked Henry down once on the walk. It was probably the most that we've ever seen Henry laugh. I mean, he is a really happy kid. But he was just laughing out loud and laughing and running and laughing. Of course, we didn't have the camera. We're definitely bringing it with us tomorrow.
As I was changing Henry, I noticed a couple of spots on his stomach and one on his face. I'm wondering if this is a rash from the measles shot. Rashes occur for every 1 in 20 who get the MMR. I couldn't find any similar statistics for the measles only shot. But normally for those who get the rash with the MMR, it doesn't appears until 5-12 days after the shot. Anyway, we'll keep a close eye on it.
We decided to go out to dinner and have a "at least you weren't laid off" celebration. We decided to go to the Thai-Chinese place that we went on New Year's Eve. It is new, so it isn't very busy. We haven't been impressed with our Chinese options in Tucson, but we really like this place. Keeping our fingers-crossed that it can make it in this crappy economy. To my surprise, Henry tried and really liked my Hot & Sour soup (vegetarian!). I would have thought the sour taste to be off-putting, but not to my son! He wasn't willing to try Daddy's wonton soup though. His kids meal consisted of fried rice, an egg roll, sweet and sour chicken, and French fries. The French fries were a hit. He had about two or three bites of chicken w/o sauce. He tried the sauce but didn't like it. He had a couple bites of rice. Didn't get around to the egg roll. He has been going through a phase that when he drinks from a cup, he really wants to share his cup with me. If Jeff shares a glass of water with him, Henry will insist that they give Mommy some, even if I already have a glass of my own. It's cute.
He said "Vove, Daddy" at dinner. That's Love, Daddy. When I have tried to get him to say "I Love Daddy" before, he'd say "I ____ Daddy." He'd pause when one would normally say "love" but he doesn't have the L sound down yet so he'd skip it.
We went to Basha's (nearby grocery store). It was an excellent time to go, during off hours, given that we don't take him into crowds. He had fun running up and down the aisles. Definitely kept us on our toes.
We came home. Henry had a bath. He did a new thing in the tub where he would get in a prone position, stretch out his legs, belly down, and straighen his arms to keep his head out of the water. He tried to put his face in the water several times. He doesn't have the "hold your breath" thing down so a little bit of water went up his nose (not much, but enough to give him something to think about). As usual, he was an excellent splasher.
After he got dried off, he wanted to look at "pics" and "mic." It was "Lime in the Coconut" night, although we also listened to the theme from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." During the Coconut song (Muppet's version), Henry shouted out "Doctor!" during the appropriate time in the song. At one point, I let him create his own blog entry. It's the one before this one (in case you hadn't guessed). I showed him an entry from June 12, 2008 where he is riding in a seat on Jeff's bike. Henry calls out "Bike!" Where the heck did he learn that? Jeff and I are puzzled. We can count the number of times that we've taken him riding on the bike. None of those times are recent. We don't recall using the word "bike," so how he knows what a bike is, with no prompting, is a bit of a mystery.
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Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 2
On Tuesday, we took Henry to get his measles shot. As I mentioned in previous entries, we are against the MMR given as a package. It appears that the fill-in-the-blanks at the CDC are trying to take away parental choice by leaning on Merck not to make the separated vaccines. Anti-choice seems rather un-American to me. Henry was a delight in the doctor's office. It was nurse visit, and he was very friendly to the nurse...until she stuck him with the needle, that is. He gave a yell as she inserted the vaccine. Went to Daddy. The nurse was surprised at his quick recovery.
We then went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Dropped off Henry for a spell while I went to a WW meeting (trying to get off the baby weight, lost 4.6 lbs) and Jeff went back home to walk the dogs. Henry went with Aunt Carolyn and Grammy to the post office. Grammy said that Henry said hi and bye to people. Then, we all met back at the grandparents' house. Waited for Brian and Erin to arrive, so that we could go out to dinner with Carolyn to say farewell. We went to P. F. Chang's. The food was good (found some WW friendly dishes), but Jeff and I have pretty much decided that taking Henry to restaurants is not an enjoyable experience. He simply doesn't want to sit quietly in a high chair for more than 5 minutes. The service was kind of slow, which just makes it that much more difficult. And if we are chosen to have foster kids live with us or have another biological baby...well...wow...we probably won't bother going to restaurants for the next decade.
Henry passed out on the way home. I managed to get him out of his jacket and jeans without waking him up, which says something. During the night, he talked a little bit in his sleep. He said "Nooo," "Mar-Dee!," and "Podgie!"
On Wednesday, we had our second day of foster/adoption training. The class was fine. Still a "let's get to know each other" kind of session that wasn't very substantive, but there were some interesting stories. We like one of the foster mom trainers who has some insightful stories to tell. We like the group as a whole, a diverse and fun group of people. And we like the primary trainer, Phylis. Jeff and I got finger printed. We got out at 9PM. Jeff and I are committed to helping out by becoming foster parents, although this could be quite difficult on many levels. First and foremost, our primary concern is Henry. But we think that this could be good in the end for everyone. We got dinner at Chipotle, and then headed to my parents' house to get Henry.
Henry had read a lot of books with Grandpa. He watched a group of neighborhood kids play across the street. He was too young to play with them, but he enjoyed watching. He ate a huge dinner of chicken salad, yogurt, bananas, pea crisps, and something else. Wish he'd eat for us like he does for Grandpa. He was thoroughly exhausted when he came home. Slept like a log.
We then went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Dropped off Henry for a spell while I went to a WW meeting (trying to get off the baby weight, lost 4.6 lbs) and Jeff went back home to walk the dogs. Henry went with Aunt Carolyn and Grammy to the post office. Grammy said that Henry said hi and bye to people. Then, we all met back at the grandparents' house. Waited for Brian and Erin to arrive, so that we could go out to dinner with Carolyn to say farewell. We went to P. F. Chang's. The food was good (found some WW friendly dishes), but Jeff and I have pretty much decided that taking Henry to restaurants is not an enjoyable experience. He simply doesn't want to sit quietly in a high chair for more than 5 minutes. The service was kind of slow, which just makes it that much more difficult. And if we are chosen to have foster kids live with us or have another biological baby...well...wow...we probably won't bother going to restaurants for the next decade.
Henry passed out on the way home. I managed to get him out of his jacket and jeans without waking him up, which says something. During the night, he talked a little bit in his sleep. He said "Nooo," "Mar-Dee!," and "Podgie!"
On Wednesday, we had our second day of foster/adoption training. The class was fine. Still a "let's get to know each other" kind of session that wasn't very substantive, but there were some interesting stories. We like one of the foster mom trainers who has some insightful stories to tell. We like the group as a whole, a diverse and fun group of people. And we like the primary trainer, Phylis. Jeff and I got finger printed. We got out at 9PM. Jeff and I are committed to helping out by becoming foster parents, although this could be quite difficult on many levels. First and foremost, our primary concern is Henry. But we think that this could be good in the end for everyone. We got dinner at Chipotle, and then headed to my parents' house to get Henry.
Henry had read a lot of books with Grandpa. He watched a group of neighborhood kids play across the street. He was too young to play with them, but he enjoyed watching. He ate a huge dinner of chicken salad, yogurt, bananas, pea crisps, and something else. Wish he'd eat for us like he does for Grandpa. He was thoroughly exhausted when he came home. Slept like a log.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Foster/Adoption Training -- Day 1
On Sunday morning, we lazed around the house. Jeff was impressed by Henry looking at a picture in the Sunday sports section and correctly identifying the sport as "Hockey!"
In the afternoon, Jeff dropped off Henry at my parents during an Eagles game, so that he and I could work together on completing the paperwork needed to become foster parents. And it is indeed A LOT of paperwork. When we came over for dinner, my parents said that they had been teaching Henry to identify Donovan McNabb.
When we got home, I took Henry to bed, but he was awake. As soon as we got in bed, Henry started shouting "Mar-Dee! Mar-Dee!" at the top of his lungs. She joined us for a little bit. Ultimately, Henry got up and played for awhile before Jeff got him to sleep. He was being a little bit too much of a dare devil on his slide. He decided to take his hockey sticks down the slide with him. His golf and hockey swings are looking pretty good. Watching Jeff's face beam with pride as Henry takes a strong and accurate golf swing is precious. Jeff is quite the proud father. Henry's love of hockey and golf doesn't bode well for our large windows and flat screen TV, I'm afraid. If we don't have a cracked window or screen in the next five years, I'll be shocked.
It was hard for Jeff to get Henry and me out of bed this morning. Henry may not look like me, but he's got my "stay up late, sleep in" gene. When Jeff would try to wake Henry up, he'd pop up, move two inches forward, and then flop back into the sheets.
Henry didn't want Jeff to leave him this morning when Alicia and Karina were there. The day was fairly uneventful. In the late afternoon, we headed to my parents. Jeff and I had to drive across town for our first foster-adoption training meeting.
We got there around 5:30PM. Our family specialist wasn't able to make it, so we'll be meeting her later in the week. The actual orientation started at 6PM. There were about 30 people invited to the training. Out of their initial applicants, they invite about 20% to take their classes leading toward certification. I very much feel that we chose the right agency. Basically, there are 13 groups in Tucson that handle contracts from CPS. A Place To Call Home is the agency we chose. We chose them b/c they are one of the few groups who offer special needs training in addition to regular training and the recruiter, Lora, was simply the most persuasive individual that we met at the Pima County Adoption Orientation back in November by leaps and bounds. Tonight's meeting was run by the regional director, Dominique. But the training will be conducted by a woman named Phylis.
We began the meeting by going around and introducing ourselves. The group is eclectic in terms of occupational, ethnic, racial, educational, and even language composition. I'm guessing that English is not the primary language for about a quarter of our group. On the surface, everyone appeared to have very sincere reasons for wanting to foster children. The conversation, however, did get a little weird when it came to reimbursement money for the child's expenses. In fact, the group had the most questions about that topic, which Jeff and I found peculiar. It is clear that A Place To Call Home tries to screen applicants so that foster parents aren't using any money from the state as "payment" because that money is supposed to be used for the child's living, clothing, and personal expenses. If the money was used as intended, it would go 100% toward the child. There is no "payment" for being a foster parent, other than the reward of helping a child.
We watched a video that was basically a set of statements set to music, trying to evoke an understanding of foster care/adoption from the child's point of view. Some of the descriptions were...well...horrifying. Afterward, we went over some of the "fantasies" of foster care. Dominique explained that there is not such thing as a "normal" foster child. All children separated from their birth parents have some baggage. The amount of baggage can vary from child to child. We met a woman who was there with her husband and wants to foster children. She and her husband have four children, the youngest of which is 19 and is going through the training so that she can be certified as a respite provider. The woman chose A Place to Call Home because two of her sisters had gone through the program and are fostering and have adopted children from it. That was inspiring hear.
A Place to Call Home wants us to be as honest as we can about the kinds of children that we are willing to take care of. We needed to know our limits, so that they can make the best match possible. One of their goals is make great matches from the get-go, so that kids are moving around the system from family to family (not great for the psyche of the child).
In the initial introduction, at least two of our classmates mentioned that they are open to adopting children of different racial and ethnic identities. Wouldn't the world be a better place if it was color blind? And perhaps we can change the world by adopting children unlike the skin color of ourselves, etc. I did some Internet research after our home interview with Lora because she mentioned that a lot of people want foster to children who are of the same background (which I found odd...isn't a child a child regardless of background?). While I think that it is noble and justified to want to look beyond skin color (of course), there were several Internet sources that suggest that kids actually do better when placed with foster/adoptive parents of a similar background. Turns out that it really isn't a matter of getting along with the foster/adoption family. It is just that when kids are in school, their peers tends to question the authenticity of the family when the profiles are mixed, which makes it harder on the foster kids psychologically to adjust and attach. That said, the ethnic/racial profile of the foster parent population isn't the same as the profile of the foster kids in the system. So if the goal is to find every child a placement, that means some ethnic/racial mixing and matching has to happen. So where does that leave us? Jeff and I have it in our profile that we are willing to take in children of any race or ethnic identify. I sincerely suspect that our agency has the best interest of the children in mind. I suspect that they won't be making any placement decisions that don't have a reasonable chance of working out.
Although the class ended at 9PM, they had extra paperwork for us to fill out. Jeff and I still aren't sure how is will all work out. After all, we both have full-time jobs. But Jeff said that he is more committed now than ever about doing it. We also want to make sure that we are doing what is best for Henry. We'll create a screening profile that will serve his needs as well as ours. We'll amend that screen, I suspect, as we learn more about the foster care system. Right now, our screen is children 0 to 4 years old, either gender, any race/ethnicity, up to 2 kids.
We didn't get back to my parents until 10:15PM or so. Henry was wide awake. Carolyn spent some time watching "pics" with him on youtube.com. She also taught him to say "juice." When we got home, he wanted to look at more "pics." I hadn't spent much time with him all day, so I obliged. Henry is in his crib now. I'm headed to bed too.
In the afternoon, Jeff dropped off Henry at my parents during an Eagles game, so that he and I could work together on completing the paperwork needed to become foster parents. And it is indeed A LOT of paperwork. When we came over for dinner, my parents said that they had been teaching Henry to identify Donovan McNabb.
When we got home, I took Henry to bed, but he was awake. As soon as we got in bed, Henry started shouting "Mar-Dee! Mar-Dee!" at the top of his lungs. She joined us for a little bit. Ultimately, Henry got up and played for awhile before Jeff got him to sleep. He was being a little bit too much of a dare devil on his slide. He decided to take his hockey sticks down the slide with him. His golf and hockey swings are looking pretty good. Watching Jeff's face beam with pride as Henry takes a strong and accurate golf swing is precious. Jeff is quite the proud father. Henry's love of hockey and golf doesn't bode well for our large windows and flat screen TV, I'm afraid. If we don't have a cracked window or screen in the next five years, I'll be shocked.
It was hard for Jeff to get Henry and me out of bed this morning. Henry may not look like me, but he's got my "stay up late, sleep in" gene. When Jeff would try to wake Henry up, he'd pop up, move two inches forward, and then flop back into the sheets.
Henry didn't want Jeff to leave him this morning when Alicia and Karina were there. The day was fairly uneventful. In the late afternoon, we headed to my parents. Jeff and I had to drive across town for our first foster-adoption training meeting.
We got there around 5:30PM. Our family specialist wasn't able to make it, so we'll be meeting her later in the week. The actual orientation started at 6PM. There were about 30 people invited to the training. Out of their initial applicants, they invite about 20% to take their classes leading toward certification. I very much feel that we chose the right agency. Basically, there are 13 groups in Tucson that handle contracts from CPS. A Place To Call Home is the agency we chose. We chose them b/c they are one of the few groups who offer special needs training in addition to regular training and the recruiter, Lora, was simply the most persuasive individual that we met at the Pima County Adoption Orientation back in November by leaps and bounds. Tonight's meeting was run by the regional director, Dominique. But the training will be conducted by a woman named Phylis.
We began the meeting by going around and introducing ourselves. The group is eclectic in terms of occupational, ethnic, racial, educational, and even language composition. I'm guessing that English is not the primary language for about a quarter of our group. On the surface, everyone appeared to have very sincere reasons for wanting to foster children. The conversation, however, did get a little weird when it came to reimbursement money for the child's expenses. In fact, the group had the most questions about that topic, which Jeff and I found peculiar. It is clear that A Place To Call Home tries to screen applicants so that foster parents aren't using any money from the state as "payment" because that money is supposed to be used for the child's living, clothing, and personal expenses. If the money was used as intended, it would go 100% toward the child. There is no "payment" for being a foster parent, other than the reward of helping a child.
We watched a video that was basically a set of statements set to music, trying to evoke an understanding of foster care/adoption from the child's point of view. Some of the descriptions were...well...horrifying. Afterward, we went over some of the "fantasies" of foster care. Dominique explained that there is not such thing as a "normal" foster child. All children separated from their birth parents have some baggage. The amount of baggage can vary from child to child. We met a woman who was there with her husband and wants to foster children. She and her husband have four children, the youngest of which is 19 and is going through the training so that she can be certified as a respite provider. The woman chose A Place to Call Home because two of her sisters had gone through the program and are fostering and have adopted children from it. That was inspiring hear.
A Place to Call Home wants us to be as honest as we can about the kinds of children that we are willing to take care of. We needed to know our limits, so that they can make the best match possible. One of their goals is make great matches from the get-go, so that kids are moving around the system from family to family (not great for the psyche of the child).
In the initial introduction, at least two of our classmates mentioned that they are open to adopting children of different racial and ethnic identities. Wouldn't the world be a better place if it was color blind? And perhaps we can change the world by adopting children unlike the skin color of ourselves, etc. I did some Internet research after our home interview with Lora because she mentioned that a lot of people want foster to children who are of the same background (which I found odd...isn't a child a child regardless of background?). While I think that it is noble and justified to want to look beyond skin color (of course), there were several Internet sources that suggest that kids actually do better when placed with foster/adoptive parents of a similar background. Turns out that it really isn't a matter of getting along with the foster/adoption family. It is just that when kids are in school, their peers tends to question the authenticity of the family when the profiles are mixed, which makes it harder on the foster kids psychologically to adjust and attach. That said, the ethnic/racial profile of the foster parent population isn't the same as the profile of the foster kids in the system. So if the goal is to find every child a placement, that means some ethnic/racial mixing and matching has to happen. So where does that leave us? Jeff and I have it in our profile that we are willing to take in children of any race or ethnic identify. I sincerely suspect that our agency has the best interest of the children in mind. I suspect that they won't be making any placement decisions that don't have a reasonable chance of working out.
Although the class ended at 9PM, they had extra paperwork for us to fill out. Jeff and I still aren't sure how is will all work out. After all, we both have full-time jobs. But Jeff said that he is more committed now than ever about doing it. We also want to make sure that we are doing what is best for Henry. We'll create a screening profile that will serve his needs as well as ours. We'll amend that screen, I suspect, as we learn more about the foster care system. Right now, our screen is children 0 to 4 years old, either gender, any race/ethnicity, up to 2 kids.
We didn't get back to my parents until 10:15PM or so. Henry was wide awake. Carolyn spent some time watching "pics" with him on youtube.com. She also taught him to say "juice." When we got home, he wanted to look at more "pics." I hadn't spent much time with him all day, so I obliged. Henry is in his crib now. I'm headed to bed too.
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