On Tuesday afternoon, Alison, our family specialist, inspected the house and interviewed me for about two hours. Alicia went home after Henry's nap. Basically, I gave my family history and work history. I had to describe my parents and sisters in three adjectives each. It was hard to narrow it down to three.
Dad: well-read, loyal, caring
Mom: well-read, efficient, caring
Carolyn: hardworking, sensitive/intuitive, caring or smart* (can't remember which but at some point, I said that all of them could be classified as smart)
Erin: smart, active, funny
For Jeff, she just asked me to characterize him:
* a good person through and through
* hardworking/smart
* a lot of fun to be around
* the best father on the planet
The interview went a little bit slower than I anticipated b/c Henry didn't stay down from his nap as long as usual. Guess he was too revved up from Obama's speech or something. He ran around while I watched him and tried to answer Alison's questions. Alison asked about how we had learned to parent. I said that a lot of it probably comes from how we were raised. But that I also read a lot. I told her that when you bring home a medically fragile child, you don't have a large margin of error for screw ups like you do with a full-term child. You have to get it right the first time around. For example, oxygen. When a child is on oxygen, it has to work. Failure is not an option.
Alison is returning next Tuesday for her interview with Jeff and another home inspection. We need grips on the bathtub bottoms and two medical lock boxes. Plus, we need to put some magnet locks on the cabinets. The plastic ones won't do for the state inspection.
On Tuesday evening, Henry wanted what was in my mug. He pointed to it and said "coffee." It was actually hot tea (decaf Earl Grey with milk). I've made coffee a handful of times since he was born. Grandma and Grandpa must drink it around him (although they usually drink it in the morning and when he visits, he usually goes in the afternoon). I don't know where he picks up these things.
On Wednesday, we dropped him off at Grandma and Grandpa's house. In the car, I learned that Henry knows where his knees are. We've got a good number of body parts down pat.
Jeff and I had our training. We had to fill out a "strengths/needs" sheet. There are 12 attributes needed in foster parents. We had to look at the 12, and identify two that were our strengths and two that we may need to work on and why.
Strengths: (1) Know your own family and (2) Build self-esteem.
Why?
(1) We know Henry by paying attention to his non-verbal and verbal cues.
(2) We build Henry's self-esteem through lots of cheering and clapping when he accomplishes something.
Needs: (1) Partnering, and (2) Becoming loss and attachment experts.
Why?
(1) Jeff and I work well as partners together, but partnering as a foster parents sometimes means working with the child's biological parents, especially if there is a case plan with the goal of the child reunifying with the parents. This may be difficult for us if the parents were abusing the child. I'll try to keep an open mind, but there are some crimes for which I do not think parents should get second chances (e.g., sexual abuse).
(2) Neither Jeff nor I have experienced loss or attachment the way in which many foster children have. I'm not claiming that we've had the perfect lives or anything. But many of the losses that we have experienced were part of the natural life cycle (e.g., grand parents who lived long lives). I remember well when my sister Meagan was born too early and died in 1982. Almost losing Henry or coming uncomfortable close to the line a few times was...hard. We have lost a couple friends in the past couple years, which was unexpected and tragic, and they were young; in my heart I don't think that it was their time to go. But at least we always had familiar support during those times. That's a lot different than a foster child who is thrust into unfamiliar territory and trying to cope with loss. So we categorized "loss and attachment expert" as one of our "needs."
Tonight's session was run by Barbara, a foster mom/trainer. She's fostered many babies and adopted her son through foster care. It was a productive session tonight. Efficient too. One of the other couples mentioned to Barbara how great this session was. We got out early but actually accomplished more than any of the other nights. Snaps to Barbara!
Incidentally, the numbers of our class our dwindling. It used to be packed around the tables. Now, we each have our own space w/o problem. Since a week ago Monday, we are down four couples. Down even more from the first night. I counted about twenty people around the table tonight.
Grandma looked tired when we arrived. Henry knows the word "seat" (which apparently Jeff already knew he knew). Over the last week or so, he's been able to get on his bouncy horse by himself. He gave me a demonstration. And he showed me how he can not only play the piano but hang off the keys and lift his feet from the ground. Henry and I watched the Gummy Bear video on youtube.com in French as Dada had some dessert and watched the UA lose to ASU in b-ball. Then, we headed home. Henry fell asleep in the car. A benefit of him falling asleep is that I get to kiss him on the head w/o protest. These days, he is using the word "No" a lot when I ask him if I can kiss him.
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