On Sunday morning, we lazed around the house. Jeff was impressed by Henry looking at a picture in the Sunday sports section and correctly identifying the sport as "Hockey!"
In the afternoon, Jeff dropped off Henry at my parents during an Eagles game, so that he and I could work together on completing the paperwork needed to become foster parents. And it is indeed A LOT of paperwork. When we came over for dinner, my parents said that they had been teaching Henry to identify Donovan McNabb.
When we got home, I took Henry to bed, but he was awake. As soon as we got in bed, Henry started shouting "Mar-Dee! Mar-Dee!" at the top of his lungs. She joined us for a little bit. Ultimately, Henry got up and played for awhile before Jeff got him to sleep. He was being a little bit too much of a dare devil on his slide. He decided to take his hockey sticks down the slide with him. His golf and hockey swings are looking pretty good. Watching Jeff's face beam with pride as Henry takes a strong and accurate golf swing is precious. Jeff is quite the proud father. Henry's love of hockey and golf doesn't bode well for our large windows and flat screen TV, I'm afraid. If we don't have a cracked window or screen in the next five years, I'll be shocked.
It was hard for Jeff to get Henry and me out of bed this morning. Henry may not look like me, but he's got my "stay up late, sleep in" gene. When Jeff would try to wake Henry up, he'd pop up, move two inches forward, and then flop back into the sheets.
Henry didn't want Jeff to leave him this morning when Alicia and Karina were there. The day was fairly uneventful. In the late afternoon, we headed to my parents. Jeff and I had to drive across town for our first foster-adoption training meeting.
We got there around 5:30PM. Our family specialist wasn't able to make it, so we'll be meeting her later in the week. The actual orientation started at 6PM. There were about 30 people invited to the training. Out of their initial applicants, they invite about 20% to take their classes leading toward certification. I very much feel that we chose the right agency. Basically, there are 13 groups in Tucson that handle contracts from CPS. A Place To Call Home is the agency we chose. We chose them b/c they are one of the few groups who offer special needs training in addition to regular training and the recruiter, Lora, was simply the most persuasive individual that we met at the Pima County Adoption Orientation back in November by leaps and bounds. Tonight's meeting was run by the regional director, Dominique. But the training will be conducted by a woman named Phylis.
We began the meeting by going around and introducing ourselves. The group is eclectic in terms of occupational, ethnic, racial, educational, and even language composition. I'm guessing that English is not the primary language for about a quarter of our group. On the surface, everyone appeared to have very sincere reasons for wanting to foster children. The conversation, however, did get a little weird when it came to reimbursement money for the child's expenses. In fact, the group had the most questions about that topic, which Jeff and I found peculiar. It is clear that A Place To Call Home tries to screen applicants so that foster parents aren't using any money from the state as "payment" because that money is supposed to be used for the child's living, clothing, and personal expenses. If the money was used as intended, it would go 100% toward the child. There is no "payment" for being a foster parent, other than the reward of helping a child.
We watched a video that was basically a set of statements set to music, trying to evoke an understanding of foster care/adoption from the child's point of view. Some of the descriptions were...well...horrifying. Afterward, we went over some of the "fantasies" of foster care. Dominique explained that there is not such thing as a "normal" foster child. All children separated from their birth parents have some baggage. The amount of baggage can vary from child to child. We met a woman who was there with her husband and wants to foster children. She and her husband have four children, the youngest of which is 19 and is going through the training so that she can be certified as a respite provider. The woman chose A Place to Call Home because two of her sisters had gone through the program and are fostering and have adopted children from it. That was inspiring hear.
A Place to Call Home wants us to be as honest as we can about the kinds of children that we are willing to take care of. We needed to know our limits, so that they can make the best match possible. One of their goals is make great matches from the get-go, so that kids are moving around the system from family to family (not great for the psyche of the child).
In the initial introduction, at least two of our classmates mentioned that they are open to adopting children of different racial and ethnic identities. Wouldn't the world be a better place if it was color blind? And perhaps we can change the world by adopting children unlike the skin color of ourselves, etc. I did some Internet research after our home interview with Lora because she mentioned that a lot of people want foster to children who are of the same background (which I found odd...isn't a child a child regardless of background?). While I think that it is noble and justified to want to look beyond skin color (of course), there were several Internet sources that suggest that kids actually do better when placed with foster/adoptive parents of a similar background. Turns out that it really isn't a matter of getting along with the foster/adoption family. It is just that when kids are in school, their peers tends to question the authenticity of the family when the profiles are mixed, which makes it harder on the foster kids psychologically to adjust and attach. That said, the ethnic/racial profile of the foster parent population isn't the same as the profile of the foster kids in the system. So if the goal is to find every child a placement, that means some ethnic/racial mixing and matching has to happen. So where does that leave us? Jeff and I have it in our profile that we are willing to take in children of any race or ethnic identify. I sincerely suspect that our agency has the best interest of the children in mind. I suspect that they won't be making any placement decisions that don't have a reasonable chance of working out.
Although the class ended at 9PM, they had extra paperwork for us to fill out. Jeff and I still aren't sure how is will all work out. After all, we both have full-time jobs. But Jeff said that he is more committed now than ever about doing it. We also want to make sure that we are doing what is best for Henry. We'll create a screening profile that will serve his needs as well as ours. We'll amend that screen, I suspect, as we learn more about the foster care system. Right now, our screen is children 0 to 4 years old, either gender, any race/ethnicity, up to 2 kids.
We didn't get back to my parents until 10:15PM or so. Henry was wide awake. Carolyn spent some time watching "pics" with him on youtube.com. She also taught him to say "juice." When we got home, he wanted to look at more "pics." I hadn't spent much time with him all day, so I obliged. Henry is in his crib now. I'm headed to bed too.
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